Dennis and Janelle

Janelle watched as the wooden door clicked open and scraped against the linoleum floor, like all the doors did in all the dorms, and Dennis walked in, finishing a plastic cup of coffee, his hair pointing out on all sides. Janelle had put her bra on by now, but she still couldn’t find the motivation to get up from this gross bed. She could tell by the way Dennis paused that he was studying her legs. They were crossed over each other as she lay on top of his mattress with the sheets thrown on the side. She tried to make it look like she’d expected him to bring back food. “I should really leave soon,” she said. “Whatever,” said Dennis. He sat at his desk and turned on his computer. He opened up World of Warcraft. “Um, Dennis? Did anybody ever teach you manners?” Janelle laughed as she said it. “Not really. My Dad was always yelling at me and my sister at inappropriate times. My Mom was always drunk. You do the math.” The sounds of World of Warcraft began. Janelle stared at him. “You aren’t serious,” she said. Dennis took some time to respond. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he said. “Because I can never tell if you’re being serious or not. Everything seems ironic to you. Like a joke or something.” “Maybe I find everything ironic and funny and serious.” Dennis played the game. Janelle looked at the mattress. Perhaps this was the motivation. She stood and took her jeans from the floor. She noticed her right bra strap was twisted. She flipped it around the right way. She pulled on her black panties that she’d been wearing for days. She threw on her blue silk shirt that made her itch. She didn’t look at Dennis but assumed he was watching her out of the corners of his eyes. Before she could buckle her jeans her arms dropped to her sides. She listened to the sounds of Dennis’ computer and felt that she had to say something. “Dennis, are you okay?” Dennis stopped tapping the keyboard. He stared at the computer and looked as if he was trying to control his breathing. Janelle didn’t know what it meant, but there was something imposing about Dennis, something intimidating, even with him sitting in that chair, a foot below her, dressed in a ratty shirt and cargo pants. Janelle straightened her shirt. “Okay, I’m going now. I’ve got homework to catch up on. I…” Dennis pushed his computer down his desk until it bumped against his wall. He stood and strode over to Janelle. “You’re the only girl I’ve ever felt this way about,” he said. Janelle felt like a camera was zooming in on her slowly. “Felt what about?” she said. “This absurd urge to fuck you.” He said it like he was stating an item on a menu. Janelle turned and went to the door. She stopped and stared at the door handle. She heard him approach. She felt his hand slide across her stomach. Her shirt felt like it had already torn off under his fingers. Janelle felt Dennis’ fingers and remembered sucking them the night before. She remembered his tongue swishing from side to side on her clitoris and up and down. His fingers were placed on her lips as if to silence her—and Janelle wasn’t that loud. She wanted to be straightforward in sex as she was in life. She would moan exactly as much as she enjoyed it, and she had enjoyed it moderately. When she felt Dennis’ tongue, it made her feel very strange at first; almost as if there were some kind of fish flopping around on her private parts. But this was because only one other guy had attempted to do this to her before, and he was a disaster. Dennis knew what he was doing. His tongue moved the same way his personality moved; impersonal, energetic, fast, tingly. He rubbed two of his fingers on his other hand at a lower part of her clitoris while he worked with his tongue. Other girls had probably climaxed from the way he did it. But Janelle could only let herself feel pretty good. Nothing more. So she had sucked on his middle finger and forefinger. His skin was rough and the tips of his fingers were calloused. They were these knobby, hard things that had probably been in fights before and had either played guitar or done a lot of manual labor, or both. They had made the tingly sensation circling around her groin decrease. Janelle pried his fingers out of her mouth. But Dennis had already stopped and was staring at her, his mouth ringed with saliva and her wetness. He had stood, taken a tissue, wiped his mouth, wiped his fingers. He crumpled the tissue and tossed it on her chest. It bounced below her breasts and lay there. “If you’re not in to it, then you should just say something,” Dennis said. He climbed in to his briefs and strode out the door, slamming it. She had heard his shower running. Fucking asshole. She fell asleep anyway.

The Adventures of Dennis Part 5: Stains (part 2 of 2)

Shortly after Phoebe’s door slammed, Renee said in a breathy voice—“Dennis, you’re gonna make me cum…” and trailed off and made a few other minor female noises, like she was trying to push her orgasm out of her mouth. (I've tallied this as the eighth time a girl has announced to me, mid-coitus, her oncoming orgasm. The first had been this freak who was eight years older than me who I was fucking my senior year in high school. There had been seven since her in probably the past eight months. Lots of eights and orgasms. But all of this is an estimate.)

The Adventures of Dennis Part 4: Stains (part 1 of 2)

At the end of the year parties at school, everybody gets their pick: either an attic in the woods, a dorm at school, or some sketchy basement. I was happy to choose the sketchy basement of my pal John and his girlfriend Lisa. They had a nice house down the hill from campus. It was June—college for us lets out late—and it was about 95 degrees. The party was obviously going to be crazy. What I did first was drink five beers by myself in my dorm. I walked down to their house by myself singing something loudly. I wore my black tank top and kahki jeans. I flexed my arms as I walked and saw that, thankfully, two weeks of not going to the gym had not really decreased my muscles. I was walking alone and singing and not caring about the occasional person giving me a funny look because I did not want to feel lonely. I was, after all, alone. Renee had decided to go to her friend’s film screening. I think she was mad at me. When I got to the house I said hi to everybody fairly quickly and was immediately offered a pot brownie. I took it. The last time I’d eaten a pot brownie I’d hated it; I was sick and vomited. I was in a mood to take my chances again. I talked with John for a while about our Semiotics class and how glad we were to be done with it. I don’t think I came across as too wrecked, although maybe that was just me. I spotted a few girls dancing awkwardly in a group to Miley Cyrus. They cackled when one of them tripped. They were also munching on pot brownies. I wearily made my way towards them. I leaned against the wall, throwing the rest of my brownie in the trashcan. I chose to just stare at the girl who had tripped. He hair was died a messy orange—you could still see her original brown hair color encroaching on her head—and she didn’t say much. She had on a denim jacket and wore black fishnet stockings with a preppy gray skirt. Weird, weird fashion sense. She noticed me staring at her and smiled and looked away. I kept staring, occasionally yelling something back at John. She looked over at me again, a little cock-eyed, but still, she smiled again. When she noticed me still staring at her for a third time, she whispered something to her friend and walked to me. “Hi, Amelia.” She said it like it was a diagnosis. She didn't hold out her hand. I shook it anyway. “Like Amelia Bedelia?” “What?” “Didn’t you read when you were a child?” “Um…yeah, but…” “You sure? You’re not illiterate? Maybe kind of a low IQ?” “What?” “I mean, I saw you almost fall on your ass back there. There’s only two possibilities. You’re high out off your gourd, or you need to pay a visit to the dum-dum store.” I tapped her on the forehead. “Pick one.” She just looked at me, uncomfortable. “I’m only joshing you,” I said, giving my best sensitive smart guy laugh. “Come on. Let’s dance.” “I am really smart,” she said. “But I’m not a great dancer. And I’m sure you’re complete shit.” “We’ll see,” I said.

Spring Break (The Adventures of Dennis part 4, cont’d)

I wasn’t in to Dirk’s plan. So that night, I ignored him. I got trashed at a bar further downtown in Miami and hit on several groups of girls. None of them were interested. I vaguely remember some big dude stepping between me and some other chick and yelling in my face. I swung at him. He socked me in the face. I remember me throwing a chair. We were restrained by bouncers and I was thrown to the pavement. I woke up in our hotel room the next morning with a white hospital bracelet on my wrist and a bandage on my cheek. I didn’t recall anything. Dirk was, once again, not there. I checked my phone and saw a ton of texts from Anjali. I only knew it was her because the first message said; “Hey this is Anjali.” I drank coffee and rehearsed a plan. I would go to her room and we’d have a quick pity fuck. I wasn’t sure how functional my cock would be after the previous night, but I’d manage. I would make sure that she sucked my cock for at least five minutes. I don’t leave these situations without lips having been around my cock. I’d tell her I didn’t think she was my type, get dressed and go. I made sure to remove the bandage before I left, because despite her insecurity, I didn’t think Anjali would want to fuck a mummy. I arrived at her room and rang the bell. Nothing happened. I rang it again. I thought she probably wasn’t there. But she opened the door and stood with her arms crossed, once again wearing a t-shirt and her underwear. In the background, buck-naked: Dirk. I couldn’t fucking believe it. “Hi Dennis,” she said, matter of a fact. “Hey…” I said. “What!?” There was a pause. “What,” she said, “is you’re a neglectful shit-brain. You promise me we’ll hang out again, and you don’t answer my texts. ‘It’s okay, Anjali, you’re such a special person. Your Mom just doesn’t realize it.’” She pointed a finger at me. “Bullshit. You just wanted to have sex with me. You’re a shithead male stereotype, do you know that? Well, guess what? Two can play at the game you’re playing. How old are you, anyway?” “Nineteen. What does that matter, you—“ She looked kind of surprised. “Nineteen,” she said. “Well I don’t know how many women you play these games with, but I hope you get AIDS before your twenty-fifth birthday.” “Thanks for granting me that six-year window,” I said as the door shut on me. I walked away. The door opened behind me and I heard Dirk call, “We’re still on buddy.” At first, when Anjali had used the word game, I’d thought that Dirk had let her in on the moan game. But I realized she was more likely referring to me being a manipulative douche. But I now saw what Dirk meant when he’d said, “No. Those same chicks.” I bought a coke from the machine downstairs. I took a long swig and thought of how two would, indeed, play at that game.

Spring Break (The Adventures of Dennis part 4)

Spring Break is, ideally, a gigantic powwow of not-yet-adults baring their bodies and rubbing their skin together as it drips with clear ocean water like they are in a Gatorade commercial (and maybe they are), while muffled hip hop surrounds their souls like an ecstatic Stockholm Syndrome and colors flash in the sunlight that never goes away and beer cascades through the air in slow-motion. But that isn’t what my spring break was, exactly. By the time my bud Dirk and I arrived at the beach in Miami, large swaths of it were closed off, most people had packed up and left, and it was colder than you’d ever think, all because our college lets out for spring about a week and a half later than everywhere else. By the time we got to the beach, we just stood there, staring. Dirk said; “Let’s go to the hotel.” We did, and we slept. The next day was a little more interesting. We stood in a Tiki bar talking with two girls. One of them was Adrienne, who was a senior at Florida State University, where she studied creative writing. The other was Anjali. She was doing an internship with a law firm down here in Miami. Her college was in California. She was originally from India, but she had no accent, so she must have moved here at a young age. She wore a blue blouse and bluer jeans, with a tear on one leg. I recognized the tear in her jeans was a desperate plea for male attention. Her hair was black enough to create dark contours against the tacky brown oak of the bar. Whenever a drink flashed in the light, her hair countered it. I was playing it low-key. I started off with Adrienne, but Dirk consistently elbowed his way in there, and ultimately I gave him the ground. While I sipped my Jack and Coke (don’t even ask if they bother checking IDs in Florida), Anjali said to me; “So, like, do you get free passes to concerts and stuff?” I’d told her I was a roadie for The Dave Matthews Band. She loved it. I’d guessed she would. “No,” I said. “Not really. Dave and I don’t get along too great.” “Why’s that?” I sighed while I came up with something. “Oh, you know, me and his daughter,” I said. “We may or may not have had something going on. It’s all good now and me and her are totally friends. It’s just, when her Dad found out, you know…” Her eyes bugged out enough to stick to the ceiling. “Oh my God,” she said. “You can’t be serious.” I nodded. “Let’s just say I keep a bat in my apartment.” The more I told her about Dave Matthews being a deranged psycho, the closer she moved toward me. As soon as it got to the point where I came back from the bar with two drinks and slid my hand down her shoulder after handing her drink over, I could see the deal was sealed. At around this time, Dirk and Adrienne split. Dirk’s a pro.

The Adventures of Dennis Part 3 (Part 2 of 2)

Brie and I woke up from our afternoon nap. The sun was setting through her windows. I looked at her bare legs and her pink slip. I massaged them with my hand. “Mmmm,” she said, stirring. “Do you have to go?” “Yeah,” I said. “I gotta go.” I got dressed and we stood in her doorway. “What are we?” Brie asked. I shrugged and walked away.

I was chatting up Melissa. She was a blonde with a few piercings, wearing a white blouse and jean skirt. She was in the sister house. We sipped beer as we stood to the side of the beer pong table. “I’ve had enough of Holocaust jokes,” I said. “Anne Frankly I’m just sick of them.” She cackled and bounced her head against my shoulder. She was very drunk. “I wonder if I’ll be lying on that table later on,” she said looking at the beer pong table. This was about the sixth overt sex reference she’d made that night. “I dunno,” I said. “Want to try it out?”

The Adventures of Dennis Part 3 (part 1 of 2)

Brie had a habit of pressing her face against my neck during some point usually towards the end of our sessions. But there were also times when she clutched the back of my neck and suddenly I felt her nose bearing down on my Adam’s apple only about two minutes in, so maybe she was just nervous and didn’t know what to do. There was this one time in my dorm room, during a bout of midday horniness that needed some relief. And this time was sexy as shit because she was sitting on top of me and I bounced her up and down and felt my thumb digging in to her belly button and watched her moan up at the low hanging light that she could have bonked her head against if she leaned much closer. As if she were practicing modern dance choreography (and she had been a dancer, which she’d given up for studying painting and banging me), she curled her head down so she was looking straight down at my lower belly. And she turned up the volume of her moans as if the hairier part of my stomach made it so much sexier. And she dipped downward and buried her face in my neck, while at the same time, amazingly, reaching back with one hand and grasping my cock to make sure it stayed inside her. This time I was being responsible and wearing a condom. It felt very awkward, but for the next minute or so, I got an inch-away view of her thin, stringy black hair with even a single gray hair near the top of her head where it parted. She’d worn her hair in a ponytail when we first met, but that had gone the way of all bad ideas. Her breath felt hot on my neck and her moans vibrated off my pillow like a surround sound museum piece. I felt her hand that wasn’t on my cock slither around in to my hair. I felt her eyelashes fluttering against my neck. I peered up over her head to see what the action was like south of the great hill. Her ass bobbed in the air and my dick felt like it could fling out of her at any second. So I scooted down and, in a feat of gymnastics, curled my legs up so they forked between her legs and spread them out on either side and got my old pal more firmly situated in her pussy. I thrusted with more authority and her hand jerked away from my cock. It writhed across her ass and rested at the edge of her crack. I could see my nuts flailing above her ass like two fat kids trying to jump over a wall, but then I started coming and shut my eyes and put both of my hands around her cheeks. I raised her face so she looked in to mine and at the moment our eyes met she stopped her staccato moans. Her face was flushed and her lips were parted and her eyes were squinted, like they had been shut for duration of their acquaintance with my neck. The fat of her cheeks was balled up between my thumbs and forefingers. I finished and let my legs fall flat. I didn’t kiss her. I just held her face and we stared at each other, breathing. She bent down and kissed me for a long time.

Thigh Pillow

(From Dr. Hapmord’s files) 

Patient: Dennis Tominsky Age: 27 Age at time of story: 19 Time: Sometime in May. The end of Freshman Year of college.