collection of stories you shouldn't read at work
Tell me where these shivers’ trail
Will lead my finger tips
Where do I end up if I fail
To stop myself and slip?
Will they move up to your neck
Or follow down your spine?
Will they make you arch your back
Or lock your wrists behind?
From your goosebumped skin I learn
Where you want my fingers next
And if you want me to return
Just send me a late night text
Willingly I relapse
In the drug den of your mind
Overload each synapse
Till tranquility I find
During weekdays I’m in rehab
But weekends are a bender
It’s unhealthy, I can see that
Addicted to your body slender
Frequently I lose myself
In the moment and your eyes
In the depth of them I delve
For the answers to my whys
I want to be the one you call
When no one else picks up
Be the one who beats them all
But rarely makes the cut
Keep me shelved, your last resort
A safety net for dire days
When sex is need, no longer sport
When your mind almost frays
Your hour’s talk, condensed to three
Minutes and words alike
I’ll come around, intend to be
Your conquest without fight
And I won’t stay a minute longer
Than you need me to heal
Not fragile anymore, but stronger
You’ll watch me disappear
Have mercy with me, with this little boat that was not made for cruising in uncharted waters. I should be anchored in a harbour, not fighting for the life of ship and crew in the middle of a storm, waves, treacherous waters and navigating through rocky cliffs.
This captain is not equipped or trained to steer this driftwood with a mast and sail even across the smoothest of lakes, much less this raging ocean. All I wanted was to get out of my house, to sail in peace, maybe drink a few beers too many like we have. I never asked for a sea monster, the sharks, the people with torches up on the cliffs just waiting to come down and dig through the wreck as soon as I smash against a rock too many.
I did not ask for any of this, that depth in your eyes, the slightly tilted smile, that little dimple in your cheek. I did not ask for those perfect breasts that are so impossible to look away from, or those eyes that still manage to draw my gaze away.
The light reflects in strands of hair
And bounces off your naked skin
I can not help myself but stare
Can’t help a head shake, grin
You gave yourself into my care
Allowed me to touch and sin
Fell fast asleep in this my lair
Trusted me from deep within
It was not skin, but silent glare
That really drew me in
Your loneliness, your begging were
Stronger than the gin
Trailing fingers slowly snake
Over uneven, bumpy ground
Leaving shivers in their wake
And eliciting strange sounds
The night’s still young and it is ours
Full of possibilities, outcomes
Where will my fingers explore, scour
Can my words by my fingers be outdone?
Say, where do you need me
The next illicit touch?
Where will your shivers greet me
As my skilled hands you begrudge?
Your body tells me stories
And I listen to them all
Hear your woes and hear your worries
Put you in gear, then make you stall
I feed you touch and harvest shivers
My fingers, they explore your skin
Push you, until your patience withers
Get you out of breath, rhythm
It rains outside, an in your mind
My voice seeps deep into your brain
My fingers help you tense, unwind
Yours hold onto the sheets in vain
I make you forget that you don’t like me
That my charme does not bother you one bit
Make you moan merely to spite me
As your legs they part, and split
You make me fight for any leeway
Dare me to make a mistake now
Dare me to rush, or try to delay
Dare me to reap what I did sow
I get so lost, in this your fury
The violence inside your glare
You are my judge, my peers and jury
To your ruling I adhere
What did I think to invite you over
Play the game we both would lose
I have no excuse, for I was sober
Went through all the don’ts and dos
I need you gone, before I break
You need to leave ‘fore I fall prey
Double down on mistakes made
Quench my regrets and make you stay
This bed’s not yours, nor do I want you
Getting all comfortable in here
You saw too much, the lengths I’ve gone to
All my predicaments severe
Don’t fall asleep, it’s time, get dressin’
Leave me behind a conquest made
No need to call or send me presents
I’m still not sure who on whom preyed
I don’t know what it is with me tonight, but I need some fresh air. Not too much, just enough. Just as much as comes in through a slightly open car window as we drive into uncertainty. Just enough to combat the heat from the AC, enough to keep my body warm and my right cheek cold. Enough to make me shiver, leave goosebumps on my arm.
And you know just how that feels, don’t you? I’ve seen you leave during the odd hours of the night, get into your car, clearly nothing to do but drive around, drive about. I have watched you during the occasional odd hours of the night, seen you light a cigarette, smoke it as your engine warmed up.
Just enough time to consider what you were doing with your life, then come to terms with the state of the world and your mind. It’s not the first time that I see you walk down those stairs, pull the jacket straight, flip the key in your hand. But it’s the first time that I don’t see the rest of that routine, the first time that I slip into my shoes and jacket and walk down myself. Walk over, as if I belong, as if you even know my name.