Author: RadishandWasp

My Quarantine Survival Guide, Part 3: Internet Porn is a Terrible Influence ([MF], [Group], Hoarding Catan’s Lumber)

[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/geb1ns/my_quarantine_survival_guide_part_1_reenter_riley/) and [Part 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/ggmr2f/my_quarantine_survival_guide_part_2_but_buddy_mf/), for those feeling nostalgic. I… know how this one is gonna end now, but we’ve got one more part from a happier time. With Riley the adventure is never permanent. Anyway, here’s some amateur porn in literary form:

“Benny touched by dick.”

I spat my mouthful of orange juice back my glass and looked at Brian. The aforementioned dick-toucher had left the apartment ten minutes earlier to retrieve liquor and other crucial quarantine supplies (also beer and bottled water).

“What?”

Brian shook his head at me and squinted then turned back to the game, Ness sending Pikachu flying off the edge of the stage. “It was, like, real quick. Basically an accident.”

I’d made the observation a moment before that they had seemed to be getting along better this morning. It mainly came from a place of small-minded competitive behavior, as they’d been teaming up and kicking my ass all morning. And worse, denying they were doing it. I couldn’t get him to admit that he saved the hammer for when I respawned, but this admission I get? I shook my head, trying my best to not be too judgmental and keeping myself guarded in the probable event that Brian was fucking with me. Read more »

My Quarantine Survival Guide, Part 2: But, Buddy ([MF], anal, improper shower use)

[Part 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/geb1ns/my_quarantine_survival_guide_part_1_reenter_riley/) is here, for those that want repeat exposition. We pick up a couple days later down the hall from my apartment…

“No, I don’t have a jockstrap.” Brian was fuming.

“Of course I have a jockstrap. Everyone does.” Benny replied innocently as he coasted past the blue-shell shocked Yoshi, guiding Princess Rosalina’s Kart to victory.

I coasted past Brian too, launching a salvo of irrelevant green shells past the finish line as I went. “Well, I thought I did, but I haven’t seen it in years. No telling where it’s gone.”

“Fucking Mario Kart is stupid. We should go back to Smash.” Brian made a move to toss the controller, thought better of it, and slouched down to start the next race.

“Honey, not in front of the company.” Benny deadpanned, clearly pleased with himself.

“Fuck off.” Brian tossed his controller onto the oversized ottoman and stalked off toward the bathroom, abandoning his racer at the starting line as Benny and I sped forth. Read more »

My Quarantine Survival Guide, Part 1: Reenter Riley ([MF], cheating, long)

There are stories that start off as humble brags and end up being a cautionary tale. There are stories that are supposed to have morals that are really pointless. There are works of absurdity. I’m not sure where this fits into the mix. I’m bored of consuming content and want to create something, to have anything to show for weeks of isolation. And it’s a little bit of “here’s an interesting thing; I hope you enjoy it.”

On some level.

I think this is probably a survival guide for the pandemic. We’re all stuck in a completely bonkers environment with little sprinkles of normalcy pervading our quarantine clusters. There’s death all around you and you need to make the most of the little bits of life that you can get. That’s rule one in the plaugelands.

Before the lockdown or quarantine started, I was watching that Freddie Mercury biopic. He had a line where he was talking to a girl (probably more than one line actually; it was a refrain to match the eponymous song) where he said she was the “love of his life”. And it seems a little stupid, right? That Freddie Mercury, the gayest rockstar of an era, has a woman that is the “love of his life”. I mean, he ends up with a dude. With a lot of dudes in between. Takes him awhile to get there, but that’s his jam. Read more »