I met Victoria on the other side of a 4 month descent into despair.
You’ve probably figured it out by now, but I’m not like most guys. I can be rough and manipulative, but my strongest sexual attraction comes from my heart. I fall in love quickly and deeply. Google “limerence.” That’s me–I get incredibly high from being in love. It’s an all-encompassing desire to posses, to become one with another. Idealization makes the marginally attractive worthy of obsession. And that’s when I want to fuck.
At the time of this story, I was 18 and did not have this kind of detached self-assessment. I only saw potential partner after partner fall away as I was mystified by rejection from the college girls who were not looking for anything approaching my intensity. And who can blame them? From far away, that kind of attention must look curious. Up close, like sunlight focused through a magnifying glass, it burns.
By the time second semester rolled around, I had reached an uneasy peace with myself. I gained something near closure with the former object of my affection after months of silence and started to pull myself out of the deep depression that the sudden end of that relationship launched.