Solving a dead bedroom is as easy as fucking in your sleep. In fact, that’s exactly what it is. [M/F]

It’d been so long since we last had sex.

Maybe it’s your work hours. Maybe it’s mine. Maybe it’s finances, or your mum’s health issues, or the ever-pressing state of the world. Either way, I’ve grown colder to you in these past months. Withdrawn. My fully clothed back, turned towards you and wound inpenetrably tight inside the blankets, has become the only bedtime sight you’re accustomed to lately.

So when I sat you down for a chat, you were open. Hell, you would’ve been open for nearly anything. Fuck other people? You got it, baby. Put on my robe and wizard hat? Anything for you! Seriously, *anything* to get back to those days where we fucked each others’ brains out each day of the week. You loved me, but porn could only take you so far. You wanted to connect, as cheesy as it sounds, to enjoy the physical proof of our relationship—and here I was, offering you a solution.

“I know I’ve been tired lately.” Understatement of the year. “A little standoffish.” Just a *little*? But you know something’s coming, so you keep your mouth shut. I sigh. “And I know we haven’t been having as much sex as we used to.”