Inspired by [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/WritingPrompts/comments/6bwc4u/wp_you_go_about_your_day_as_normal_but_notice_a/dhq1ojq/) in r/WritingPrompts
I started the first day of my new life the way I always did. I had my morning coffee, my morning wank, my morning shower. The drive to work was *okay*, except I kept feeling like I should’ve tried for a second wank. That’s Mondays for you.
The guard at the office opened the door for me. She always did that, but this time she smiled.
“Can I help you with anything?” she asked.
“I don’t think so,” I said, and tried not to finish the sentence with *Cupcake.* In my defense she did look like a cupcake, with a
sprinkling of freckles and a rather soggy bottom.
“I mean, really,” she said. “Anything I can do for you? Anything you want?”
I bit my tongue. There were many things she could do for me. But this was no way to behave in a professional setting. She kept
pestering me, though.
“Look, why don’t you just go and pick up my dry-cleaning?” I said.
If only I’d known.
Everyone at work was giving me funny looks.