[FEEDBACK WANTED] Panties & Other Stories About Panties Ch. 3 (w/t) [ORGY][FFFF][FFFFFFT][FETISH]

**LONG POST ALERT**

I’m working on my first erotica novel (really my first long-form writing project since term papers) and I’m looking for feedback—constructive or otherwise!

I’m nearing the 100 page mark and for some reason I thought that would be a good milestone to go back and edit the totality of the rough work I have so far. As you might imagine, there’s A LOT of cringe in there, A LOT of purple prose, A LOT of thesaurus writing, but there’s also A LOT I’m extremely proud of and I think my concept is still strong even if some of my execution can’t stand on its own.

That’s where you guys come in! I need a competent editor(ial staff) to give me their unvarnished thoughts and most merciless criticisms to break me of my terrible habits. I am 100% in favor of compensating you (I can’t do it monetarily at the moment, but even though I’m not a Lannister I always pay my debts).

The major questions I have with the work are as follows:

Does it turn you on? Is it too much? Do the descriptions bore? Are you not (otherwise) entertained?

One night at Charenton PT. 2 (MWTT)(FETISH)

“What’s with this *perra*? She’s like just fucking with us, or what?” Luz whines.

“I don’t know, bitch, but either way, I’m so fucking horny if I don’t cum soon I’m gonna die!”

“I’m saying, that’s why I played with my *pinga* before, *vaca*!”

“Well, maybe it’s time to play with it again?”

My girl lifts her skirt up and lets that thick *palo* of hers jump out at me. I flick my tongue out at it like a snake and pop my titties out of my dress.

“You hungry, baby?”

I am too and I nod to let her know.

“Come here, give me *besitos*”

I go over to her and we start trying to tie our tongues together. I squeeze my hand around her *fuerte* clit and give it smooth, loving storkes. She moans into my mouth and her hands fly onto my juicy *chichis.*

“Rub our clits together.” She whispers into my ear and I let my own swollen girlcock free from the achy prison of my thighs. I rub our *salchichas* together real gentle at first but slowly get more *duro* with the action.

[FEEDBACK WANTED] Panties and Other Stories About Panties (W/T) CH. 2 [Fetish][FF][WATERSPORTS][BDSM][FFFF][REMOTE TOYS]

**LONG POST ALERT**

I’m working on my first erotica novel (really my first long-form writing project since term papers) and I’m looking for feedback—constructive or otherwise!

I’m nearing the 100 page mark and for some reason I thought that would be a good milestone to go back and edit the totality of the rough work I have so far. As you might imagine, there’s A LOT of cringe in there, A LOT of purple prose, A LOT of thesaurus writing, but there’s also A LOT I’m extremely proud of and I think my concept is still strong even if some of my execution can’t stand on its own.

That’s where you guys come in! I need a competent editor(ial staff) to give me their unvarnished thoughts and most merciless criticisms to break me of my terrible habits. I am 100% in favor of compensating you (I can’t do it monetarily at the moment, but even though I’m not a Lannister I always pay my debts).

The major questions I have with the work are as follows:

Does it turn you on? Is it too much? Do the descriptions bore? Are you not (otherwise) entertained?

FUCK CON 2020! PT. 1[ORGY][PANSEXUAL][KINK][BONDAGE]

Our little convoy looked like a scene out of *The Road Warrior*. We were rumbling a steady north-west up the interstate; going just over the speed limit to reach the sum total of our lewd desires awaiting us at our destination. And what was the pulsing terminus of our longing? This year’s Fuck Con.

This year the world renowned confab was being held under the mammoth steel canopy of the Circo® Dome™. Lord knows how the organizers were able to inveigle the wholesome-faced telecom giant to host such a debauched and not family-friendly get together. I’d heard whispers that Marty Gallows, the Desperadoes coach, and Lance Summeral, The CEO of Circo® had been caught blowing each other at a downtown sex club and Fuck Con’s deep-pocketed promoters were able to use the snuffed-out scandal to their advantage. The public line was that money spends, but we were prepared for the hordes of preachers and placard carrying flocks that surely awaited our arrival seething with anger.

Their Gossamer Desires(w/t) [MM][FETISH] (x-post to r/erotica)

From an outsider’s perspective Benny and Memo looked to have their lives well in hand. They had high-paying, union jobs at the Colvin & Culver® plant; bright, young families in sizeable ranch houses on the North-side of town; Wives whose figures remained impressive through childbirth—wives who the boys at the plant would whistle about and call *sexy* and *linda* and *tetona* and *culona* at lunch breaks and at tailgates and who they’d squeeze their half-inflated dicks through their soccer shorts to at weekend matches when everybody’s wives and kids would come to watch. Benny and Memo’s had custom Silverados and tricked-out Harleys in their driveways; they had money to go on vacations south of the border, or to the gulf resorts; they could afford to take their wives to the casino in Honey River or out to dinner multiple times a week for more than just tacos. To anyone but a spy up the mammoth wye oak in Memo’s front yard, or in a surveillance van at the Agave Gardens Motor Court these two *jefes*, these two leaders amongst sheep had it made in the shade.

La Dictatora pt. 1 [Fetish][Group][Femdom][Noncon]

Look at me! I have taken this land back from traitors, Bolsheviks, enemies of the state. They all snivel now, the cowards whom we’re not buried in the jungles, or the headlands; the deserters who survived the fighting on the beaches and in the streets of the capital. The dungeons below my palace are choked with the vile, insurgent dogs who have tucked their tails and surrendered. Had they known what I, Generalissima Porfiriana Manuela Dominguez-Cielo y Huerta, had planned for them I’m sure they would have sooner swallowed their mortars, but now I have all of this sweet revenge to savor.
My stately parade car prowls the route of the victory celebration. I stand proudly, saluting my adoring public as they fete me with confetti, wave the banners of the union neo-fascista, and cheer so loud they drown out the cathedral’s pealing bells. On their knees before me, using their tongues to pleasure both my viscid cunt and sweltering asshole are Borjez and Guran, chief financiers of the rebellion. My trusted adjutants have them bound by heavy cables and I have dressed them in the sexiest, daintiest most girly panties I could find in the nation. Their humiliation is absolute. From time to time on the route I piss in their traitorous faces, long bursts of acrid, golden water filling their audacious mouths and noses. My Adjuntants, if they’re feeling extra lusty have free reign to sodomize my captives roughly with either their meaty cocks or the standard issue clubs that their uniforms entail.
My pussy-hair glistens with spit and cum and it makes my people happy to see how gratified their Patrona is. My tits are full of pride so I open my uniform jacket to show the good men and women of this great land how full and round They are for them.
At the grand steps of my presidential palace, which I have already announced I will be occupying for life, for the good of the people of this nation, I descend from the open back of the parade car. I am clothed in nothing now, except my Generalissima’s peaked cap, the flowing cape and theatrical, golden eagle epaulets of the union and my plutonically black, spike-heeled, leather boots that shine so intensely the maggots at feet must avert their treacherous eyes.
I have the two apostates chained and leashed so that I may drag them up the steps to the purpose-built podium where I will make my speech. However, before I begin my ascent, I give the two socialist dogs a good stomping with my Stiller’s heels so that they will appear as bloody and bettered as their degenerate ideology.
Behind me and my microphone stand the stooges and sycophants that I have appointed to the ministerial positions of my regime, the sympathetic judges and legislators that will spin the hay of my desires into the gold of law, the complicit and ever in need of a handout cardinals and bishops in their ceremonial garb, and of course the brave colonels and majors and other high-ranking officers of my brutal yet beautiful army.
I mount the stairs and upon reaching my place behind the microphone I am sashed with the resplendent, golden linked chain of the union by the prime minister, that limp-dick, secret pederast, drunk. I approach the microphone with my arms raised and fists clenched in triumphant success. The crowd roars their approval, I beam at my own glorification.
“Ladies and Gentleman of my prosperous and immaculate nation. I am made so strong by your adulation, you will never know. We have driven out the perversions of our enemies, crushed them beneath our boots, made them out to be nothing more than pitiful servants to our much superior philosophy. It is nothing less than the hand of fate which guided the union to victory and in that same hand now resides the hard and terrible whip of vengeance!”
At their dramatic moment and adjutant places a massive bull whip in my hand and I set to mercilessly lashing my hostages with it. Their wretched sobs pour life into my veins and my clit begins to stir and poke forth from its hood, shiny and stiff.
“Many have asked me to show leniency and grace to these fiendish plotters, but I will do no such thing. To recover from the wounds of war our people must have the ghastly example that these conspirators will serve as; a dire warning to all would be traitors to my word. The price is steep, countrymen, so steep no one can bear it without surely going mad.”
With the two accursed whores in a shivering, hyperventilating pile at my feet I take another opportunity to unleash a torrent of hot piss on their scarred, blubbering carcasses. Before I’m done emptying my bladder I hear a strange sound, a whistling thud, and then another and another after that. A fat bishop in his broad Roman hat clutches his chest in a desperate fashion, then stumbles, then falls backwards,. everything’s shifted into slow motion, my perception heightens, I realize what’s happening. Several more of my governmental flunkies are shot and keel over from the unexpected shock of their wounds.
I duck, cursing. Subversive elements have infiltrated my party. I shield myself behind Guran’s wriggling husk.
“Give me a sidearm!” I shout at a petrified adjutant. A pistol is thrust into my hand and I fire aimlessly into the scattering crowd. I certainly hit some innocents, a pregnant woman maybe, a small boy? What does it matter through the lens of control? These unfortunates will be honored as heroes of the state, plus there is the famous saying regarding omelette preparation to consider.
Adjutants and secret police swarm the fleeing crowd. Soon enough these perpetrators will be brought to justice, or at least convincing facsimiles of the perpetrators will be.

One night at Charenton pt.1 (mwtt)(fetish)

Me and my girl Luz are staking out the Charenton store in Crown Village from the front seat of my Brother’s badass Stingray that he let me borrow while he’s back in DF. We’re passing the blunt and watching this fly mamacita that works there close up the shop. Between the bomb mota that Luz brought back with her from Colorado and the six day nut I’ve got stored up in me I’m horny as a motherfucker, for real.
“Eh, pendeja, pass me that shit!” I snap at Luz who’s been parking on it for like an hour. “Sorry homegirl, tell me where you know this chica from again?” She asks, passing me back my finely rolled masterpiece.
“I don’t know her, cabrona, like I was telling you before, The other night at Joie D’vivre—“
“Bi night?”
“Yes bitch, what the fuck can I finish?”
“Finish then, I’m just making sure, puta.”
“So anyway, me and El Palo where down there at Joie, sucking dick and what not and this fine bitch must’ve been hiding in one of the private rooms because I catch her leaving all smiley with some whiteboy, who I guess is her man.”
“Was he cute?”
“Yeah you know, for a guero, I guess. Y’all, anyway.”
“But it was this dirty puerca you were all about?”
“I’m saying, this bitch has it all. I mean look at her, she’s all professionally dressed now, but you know she’s got tits and ass for days underneath that shit. It’s getting my fucking clit rock hard girl, look!”
I slide up my little, velvet skirt so this bitch could see how fucking hard my girlcock is. It’s pushing against the front of my thong all uncomfortable and hot.
“Damn baby, how do I always forget how hung you are girl?”
“Cause you smoke more weed than Snoop Dogg, estupida! Now why don’t you give that sexy clit of mine’s a kiss, mami.”
I free my monster pinga from my panties and stroke it a couple times, licking my lips so she gets the message. Luz doesn’t say shit, she just pops open her lips and goes to work. Damn this puts can suck, I feel my asspussy tighten up tighter than a pair of cheap shoes. While my girl works my clutter like it’s an elote and she ain’t eat for a week I work her hard choriza out her panties and start stroking her all picante. Damn, I got the munchies.
The whole time I keep my eyes on this bitch in the store. As she does all her little chores her curly hair bounces in a way that’s funny, but it’s turning me on harder too. The top of her head looks like it’s been dipped in caramel the way that it’s dyed and I can’t stop thinking about getting my hands caught in its thick kindliness. Her skin is like Frappuccino brown, and probably just as sweet when I put my tongue on it. Fuck, I really gotta eat something after this.
I gotta let my eyes close for a second, the way Luz works the shaft of my girlcock feels like I’m about to meet Saint Peter or some shit.
“Ease up puta, or you’re gonna make me cum, shit!”
“I wanna drink it up baby. Yo quiero, tu crema .”
“Nah, let’s save it for her, I got an idea that I think is gonna be fucking hot, girl.”
“Hotter than your big chile, mamita ?”
“Bitch listen to me. First you’re gonna take off those suscia, little calzoncillas.”
She slides off her panties and her clit (that’s not as big as mine’s) stands up hard and pretty like a sexy soldier or something like that. I grab her panties out of her hands and smell them, like it’s a joke, but really they turn me on real rico. My cloth throbs as I breathe in the scent of her pussy and sweat and maybe…if I sniff hard enough…
“Yo, did you cum in these before I picked your ass up?”
“Maybe a little!” She says trying to act all innocent.
“I knew you was a filthy puta suscia, but damn, I told you we were gonna fuck some new trade tonight and shit. You couldn’t have waited!?”
“Bitch, that turned me on, I could t help it!”
“Pobrecita, it was like two hours ago, you better be able to bring it to this bitch’s pussy. I don’t want her thinking I fuck around with no lame as, limp-pinga having bitches.”
“Calma te, puta. I’m a chingona, there ain’t no shame in my game, puta.”
“There better not be, or I’m not gonna bring your ass around on my pussy cruises no more.”
“Finish telling me your plan, puerca. And pass that blunt, fucker!”
She hits it hard, there’s nothing left of it but roach so I let her toss it out while I continue telling her what we’re about to do.
By the time we get up the door of the Charenton the bitch inside is already putting up the closed sign. I knock on the door anyway all preocupada and scared and shit. She points to the sign and shrugs, but I tell her it’s an emergency and the pretty bitch finally let’s us inside.
We look all pretty in our hot, going to the club outfits as we go in; I swear to God this sexy woman is running her eyes over me hungry like a vato would passing me on the street.
I’m super passable aside from being a bit taller than the average girls, I’ve had straight guys hit on me at the club and shit. It might be because my titties and ass are nice and round, but I know my face game is on point too and I’m tatted up like a motherfucker so I think that does it for some people too. Luz looks good too, she’s shorter and thicker than me, but her face is really feminine and with her makeup done the way she’s got it she looks all slutty and fierce like a lioness about to jump on a zebra.
“Haven’t I seen you someplace before?” The sexy girl from the store says to me.
“I would definitely remember a woman like you.” I tell her, suave as hell.
“Well what seems to be the emergency?”
“Well, what happened was that me and my girl here, we were on our way to go clubbing, but we both realized, we don’t got no bras…”Luz and me pop our fat, beach ball tits (that we bought in La Condesa!) out of our dresses at the same time, all slick and sexy like.
“And we’re not wearing any panties.” Luz whines as we lift up the hemlines of our dresses up to almost our bellybuttons. Our secret surprises are pushed back between our legs like that psycho in that movie with Jodie Foster and Thor’s daddy in it. Only instead of scary and gross we look sexy and convincing.
You could see that the pretty store lady was turned on, her smile got all evil and even though she was a morena, I think I could tell she was blushing.
“Those are some very hot pussies I see before me,” she said “but ladies I think the right pair of panties is just what you need to make the boys go crazy for you tonight.”
“We’re not just looking for boys, baby” says Luz.
“Yeah we like it all.” I tell her as I walk over to her.
“Maybe we should see what kind of panties your wearing, so it can give us an idea of what we should buy.” I say, putting my arm around her waist.
Luz joins us and squeezes one of her tetas.
“Yeah, show us those your panties, I bet they’re really sexy.”
“You really want to see my panties?” The store girl asks, like a teasing whore on the street corner.
“Yeah, show us those panties.”
The hot chocolate color bitch swishes away from us and pulls a hanger off a rack that’s near by.
“Here you go, girls, I’m wearing these panties today.”
Luz seems like she’s mad my plan failed, but I know this puta is just playing hard to get like.
“Eh, how do we know you’re telling the truth?”
“Yeah, good point Mari. We need to see the panties you’ve got on to be sure.” Says Luz, crossing back over to her like a shark.
“You’ve got me there!” The store girl winks and makes to lift up her skirt, but stops suddenly.
“You girls really wanna see my panties, huh?”
It’s like she wants us to jump her or something, I don’t know, I’m probably just thinking all crazy since I haven’t shot my load in almost a week and shit.
“How bad do you girls want to see my little…pink…lace…panties?”
She takes almost a minute to say panties, this shit is driving me out of my fucking mind.
“Real bad!” Says Luz and gives the beautiful salesgirl’s neck a long, lizardy lick,
“Oh, I like that!”
“Yeah?” I ask and go over to her other side and give her one too.
“Mmmm yeah that’s working.”
“Good, I’m happy for you. Now show us, slut!” Says Luz all insistent.
“Slut!?” Says the shop lady, kind of shocked like.
“You’re lucky I am a fucking filthy slut!” She continues.
“Now since you girls have been so good and patient, I’m going to show you my panties, like you asked for.”
Finally the bitch pulls up her skirt for us. She wasn’t lying, they’re the same panties as the ones she pulled off the rack, but they look so much hotter on her. They’re lacy and pink and feminine as fuck, I know for a fact that if I slipped those little panties on, I’d for sure get hard immediately.
“I like this little window here at the top!” Says Luz reaching out for the store bitch’s pussy.
“Mmm, yeah me too,” she says, “I love how my pussyhair just creates out of the top of it.”
I thought crest was like a toothpaste or whatever, but the way she said it was sexy as hell.
Luz runs her hand over the store lady’s pussy on top of her panties. I run my hand over her down there too, but instead I stick a finger out and casually rub it over her clit like it’s a mistake. The bitch gasps and it turns me on. I’m have a hard time keeping my girlcock stuck up between my thighs when it wants to jump out like it’s made out of some type of springy metal.
While we’re stroking on this slut’s cunt it’s getting wetter. Luz reaches her hand that’s around the store lady’s waist and goes up the back of my dress with it. She starts squeezing on the head of my clit and it makes me bite my lip cause I’m so horny.
I rub on Luz’s verga too and she moans like her ass ,sin una paciencia, didn’t just jack off a few hours ago. The pretty negrita is rubbing our tits and pinching on our nipples.
“Well, it’s quite obvious you girls like my panties, but I don’t think this color would go with your outfits.”
“What color panties do you suggest.” Says Luz like she goes to Harvard instead of beautician school.
“Well,” and she steps back from us, maybe this bitch is only trying to make a sale, “I think you girls require something sexier, more dangerous for the club, don’t you think?”
“Whatever gets us the most attention.” I wink
“Then you girls need the absolute queen of the jungle, the sexiest, most daring, sheerest little fuckslut in the shop. You girls need Black Panties!” She almost screams, damn. But Balck panties are my favorite though.
She takes us to a part of the store we didn’t see before. All the lingerie in the room is as black as ónix. I’m like hypnotized by it, how fine it is, I knew they had nice shit at Charenton, but all this is real sexy.
Me and Luz are fucking speechless. We walk around touching everything like it was on the altar at church.
Meanwhile this bitch is pulling off panties from like every direction and sticking the hangers in our hands. We probably each have like six pairs by now.
“Is that enough for you ladies or do you want some?”
“I think I’m good?”
“Yeah I’m good too.”
“Ok, let’s try these beautiful panties on shall we?” After she gets done telling us this she kisses each of us real fucking hot on the lips. We push our tongues together, my flirty is aching between my legs, I didn’t think this shit all the way through.
When we get done making out with the sexy shop girl we follow her to where the dressing rooms are. The space is big, like bigger than my perezoso tioHector’s house.
She shows us into a room and then all three of us start making out like crazy. I almost let my clit free, I’m getting so frustrated.
“I’ll leave you to, to try these on.” This bitch has the nerve to tell us.
“Bitch, I thought we were all about to fuck!” Screams Luz
“My boyfriend is on his way, he’ll be here any minute, but once he comes I’ll be back to check to see how you two are making out.”
I swear this bitch is gonna give me blue balls!

[FEEDBACK WANTED] Panties and Other Stories About Panties (W/T) Introduction [Fetish][FFF][Incest][BDSM][TS] (x-post from r/erotica)

Hello r/eroticliterature,

**LONG POST ALERT**

I’m working on my first erotica novel (really my first long-form writing project since term papers) and I’m looking for feedback—constructive or otherwise!

I’m nearing the 100 page mark and for some reason I thought that would be a good milestone to go back and edit the totality of the rough work I have so far. As you might imagine, there’s A LOT of cringe in there, A LOT of purple prose, A LOT of thesaurus writing, but there’s also A LOT I’m extremely proud of and I think my concept is still strong even if some of my execution can’t stand on its own.

That’s where you guys come in! I need a competent editor(ial staff) to give me their unvarnished thoughts and most merciless criticisms to break me of my terrible habits. I am 100% in favor of compensating you (I can’t do it monetarily at the moment, but even though I’m not a Lannister I always pay my debts).

The major questions I have with the work are as follows:

Does it turn you on? Is it too much? Do the descriptions bore? Are you not (otherwise) entertained?

[FEEDBACK WANTED] Panties and Other Stories About Panties (W/T) Introduction [Fetish]][Bondage][BDSM][TS] (x-post from r/erotica)

Hello r/eroticliterature,

**LONG POST ALERT**

I’m working on my first erotica novel (really my first long-form writing project since term papers) and I’m looking for feedback—constructive or otherwise!

I’m nearing the 100 page mark and for some reason I thought that would be a good milestone to go back and edit the totality of the rough work for I have so far. As you might imagine, there’s A LOT of cringe in there, A LOT of purple prose, A LOT of thesaurus writing, but there’s also A LOT I’m extremely proud of and I think my concept is still strong even if some of my execution can’t stand on its own.

That’s where you guys come in! I need a competent editor(ial staff) to give me their unvarnished thoughts and most merciless criticisms to break me of my terrible habits. I am 100% in favor of compensating you (I can’t do it monetarily at the moment, but even though I’m not a Lannister I always pay my debts).

The major questions I have with the work are as follows:

Does it turn you on? Is it too much? Do the descriptions bore? Are you not (otherwise) entertained?