Today I started posting my sex tapes online to cope with my sexual trauma and I feel sexy for the first time in months [F]

I was very uncomfortable with my sexuality growing up. I like women and I like men too and I was always really scared of intimacy. I was raped this last December. I started trying to explore my sexuality with my boyfriend, who I felt very comfortable with, and it helped me cope and process my trauma. Unfortunately, less than a few weeks later, my boyfriend sent videos of us having sex without my consent to multiple girls. I was mortified, because I had never before him ever trusted anyone enough to have regular sex with them, let alone have them record me. My face was in the videos. I’m still processing what happened. I decided to make an onlyfans and start sharing explicit content of myself because I figured it might feel better for people to see the videos in a way I’m in control of and in a way I feel like I’m taking back that power. I was right. I feel really empowered. People I went to high school and college with are paying to see my body and paying to see the videos strangers got without my permission. I feel sexy and powerful. I’m really glad I did this, I just hope no one finds out. By the way, I have his consent to post the videos. I feel better every time someone else subscribes. I know internet validation is shallow but this honestly feels good. I’m getting off to it, too. Guys are messaging me asking for specific things and when I do them I feel desired and grateful that I’m still desirable. Not a lot of people know. I wanted to tell someone what I’m doing and why. Thank you for listening if you just happened to be scrolling through the new posts.