Kaleigh, or “Wait Just a Cousin-Fuckin’ Minute.” [MF] [exhibition]

(I’ll spare those looking for incest some trouble. Kaleigh isn’t *my* cousin. The title becomes clear in a few paragraphs. Saving twisted perverts time and energy is my pleasure. You’re welcome.)

“So, you two wanna go pick somethin’ up?” Rob reached for his wallet, “I got some cash.”

This was typical of Robert. He had no talent for subtlety. He wanted Kaleigh and I to disappear so he and Jessica could be alone. Probably have a go at each other. Definitely in my bed. It was bold, and the nerve of it should have pissed me off. Anyone else I’d have told to get fucked (Pun intended.). But, he was my brother in all but the strictest sense of the word, and I wasn’t going to do him dirty like that. Honestly, I was sort of proud.

Jessica was Rob’s new-ish girlfriend. They’d been dating for a few months, starting after his excellent New Year’s party. Kaleigh was her younger cousin and current object of my affection. (Pronounced KAY-lee, despite its Klingon appearance.) I had met her a few weeks prior on a blind date arranged by the two fat, inconsiderate assholes preparing to ruin my sheets.

Jennie, Part 2 or Ass-Smashin’ Creed Origins [MF]

It wasn’t yet 5 a.m. on Christmas Eve when my phone rang.

“Mom got called-in. Do whatever you want with that information.”

Jennie answered the door wearing nothing but a pair of red and white striped panties, and pulled me in. It hadn’t closed behind me before she was tearing at my jeans like an excited child unwrapping their biggest present. She didn’t even let me get my shoes off, and I ended up chasing her down the hallway, penguin waddling with my pants around my ankles, almost tripping on a laundry basket. She was wide-eyed and giddy when we made it to her room.

“I’ve wanted you so bad,” she half-moaned as she shimmied out of her panties. I knew they were already wet.

“So, is that my Christmas present?” I said, unable to resist the cheap joke.

“We’ll see, I’m still thinking about what to get you,” she replied, pensively raising her finger to her lip.

She sat on the edge of the bed as she had done on our first night together, and watched me strip. I wanted to be sexier for her, but I trundled through it like I was in the locker room at school. She laughed when I had trouble getting my socks off and I felt just a bit self-conscious.

Jennie or “I’ll Have the Short Stack, Please.” [MF]

*These are my sexual memoirs. Public reflections on a time in my life when I unapologetically fucked absolutely everyone I could. And I do mean everyone.

I often break the fourth wall, because why shouldn’t you be a part of the fun, Dear Reader? Whenever I share my inner monologue as I write these depraved records, it will be set in parentheses (Like so).

I’ll also tag each post with the gender of the subjects, both in accordance with the rules and so you can avoid experiences that make your incredibly masculine and totally never curious penis feel a bit strange and tingly.

Oh, and everyone was 18 years of age or older at the time these events occurred. And I don’t mean in the technical sense either. That cat girl with the vag-dick apparatus is not nine-hundred years old, stop lying to yourself.*

ONE AND ONLY DISCLAIMER OVER