It all started when I was 18 and my best friend Ana and I developed a crush on the same guy, Mat. He was tall, fit, and had a six-pack. We were both virgins at the time, so we used to fantasize about him being our boyfriend. We would borrow him for our fantasies, knowing that he was in a long-term relationship and wouldn’t be available for anything more than platonic.
By the middle of the school year, I had my first sexual experience and it changed me. I became obsessed with sex and our fantasies about Mat turned explicitly sexual. We would talk about them openly and without shame.
Things changed when Mat broke up with his girlfriend and started hanging out with our group of friends. We became close and he asked me out on a date. We went to dinner and then to the pier to watch the moon. I was so aroused by the end of the night that I was sure we would have sex, but it didn’t happen.