19[F] My 59 old stepdad fucked me, I’m a mess

Hey, first of all, I really regret all this. And don’t expect a porn story because this is not at all, my step-dad is not a hot step-dad, he is 59 and he has a big belly, glasses and all that shit. I start:
I’m 19yo and I live with my mom, brothers and step-dad since I’m 8. They’re married since 10 years and he is like my dad. The other day we were alone so I was in the living room watching Lost. He came and asked me if he could join so I said yes, like a normal day. He sat next to me in the sofa and he started tickling my feet (he always did that, like a normal dad), but this time it was different because me trying to avoid her hands I touched his dick and I felt it hard. He knew I felt it so he stopped tickling, he took my feet and he put them on his dick. Everything was doing weird but I felt comfortable and a bit naughty. He started to move my feet around his dick and then he started smelling and licking. 5 minutes later he came to me and this time he took my hands and put them in his dick. I tried to avoid it, but he forced a little bit (and it made me crazy, it really did turn me on). He kept forcing and he took his dick off of the pants, I “didn’t want” to touch but he forced with my hands so I didn’t have the choice and I started the masturbation. It didn’t last because he took me on his arms (I’m 55kg, petite), and he put me over him. He upskirted me and he fucked me. I really enjoyed it, but I regret it a lot. I currently have a bf, so I fucked my step-dad and I also cheated on him. It’s been a few days and I still think about that all the time and I still feel like a shit. Btw, now when I’m alone in the kitchen and my step-dad comes, he always touches my ass or things like that, lmao.