A visceral, raw attempt to explain my sexuality. Posting in hopes some can relate. [fsub] [fM] [fm]

Am I the only who has struggled with deviance?


I write this in hopes that you will understand me.

I've struggled with my sexuality for as long as I can remember.

As a child, before I even knew what sex was, I recall having the most debased fantasies that my memory has hidden from me until recent years of high school and middle school (I will explain my discovery later). I found that when I straddled my toddler-sized purple plastic chair, thoughts of Jasmine kissing Jafar under his spell would surface and feel…interesting. When my mom caught me in this act, she asked me why I was doing what I was doing. I pondered the question for a long while, and finally answered that it gave me a tickly feeling. I told her that I thought about Jasmine and Aladdin on a carpet ride, because how could I explain what I was thinking? I imagined Jasmine hypnotized, Jasmine being forced to do the splits by a machine, Jasmine being put under Jafar's spell and coerced into kissing him in front of Aladdin.