As a female living in a catholic household for most of my life, sexuality of any form was always prohibited. However, that didn’t stop me from engaging in masturbation, orgasming and porn-watching, but it was always tainted with intense guilt and anxiety. I felt guilty for wanting to be sexual with my boyfriend at the time, which caused intense fear and is the reason I never had any contact with his genitals at all (or anyone else’s for that matter). But boy did I dream and fantasize about it.
The fantasy of sex mixed with my guilt for having that fantasy created a unique situation for me, I was very “knowledgeable” about sex and what I liked sexually, but always resolved to “I’ll just have to do that with my husband one day”.
Of course, moving away to college made me agnostic and a proud supporter of the pro-choice movement, birth control, being bisexual and most things Catholicism condemned in my past.
I felt liberated, everything changed, yet the one thing to never change was my insatiable sex drive. I bought my first vibrator which opened up a new world of potential g-spot orgasms. It felt good to have control over my body, I theoretically didn’t need anyone to give me an orgasm, or sexual pleasure.