I [M] went down on therapist [F] and now I have to find another therapist – cool and not cool

I love oral. It's what I fantasize about. I've had oral with all women I've had relations with except 2 – one stopped me when my tongue went inside and not just on the clit.

OK – so I have no sexual relationship with my wife. I've masturbated since I was 5. I grew up in Mormon-ville with guilt. I pleasured myself in all kinds of places I shouldn't. I have OCD (never really knew it until recently), anxiety disorder, and possibly (testing underway) for manic-depressive tendencies. My job sucks. My sex life sucks. I spank at least once a day, mostly twice. I fantasize about going down on men – just once (I've actually gone down twice – once on a dare where it was a one-second thing, and another when someone was talking deep throat and I kind of found this secondary friend mildly attractive, and I deep throated for about 3 seconds, gagged, and he laughed and said that's enough. We later helped each other out a bit.)

OK – so I'm a head case. Over 20 years I've been through actual therapy twice. The first one was too embarrassing and discovery of maturity. The second i git serious but couldn't really come clean, and then said more of what I wanted to.