[MF] Wife went full Super Sex Saiyan on me after I got into a fight (and won)

First of all, this isn’t a flex about getting into a fight and winning. [Narrator: it is]

Up until two weeks ago, I had never been in a fight as an adult male. I wouldn’t have been in THIS fight if the asshole hadn’t cold-cocked me. Also, I probably wouldn’t have won if the dude wasn’t half drunk. So please, no /r/iamverybadass jokes. I am not a badass by any stretch of the imagination.

So a couple of Fridays back, my lovely wife and I went to a bar for drinks with a friend from her office and her (asshole) boyfriend. Now ex-boyfriend, by the way. I took an instant dislike to the dude. He was loud, opinionated in all the wrong ways (i.e. opposite of *my* opinions), treated his girlfriend like crap (made a lame joke about how one of her boobs was noticeably smaller than the other, was dismissive of her opinions, etc.). And he drank a LOT. Like it was a work/social type of thing, where my wife was trying to add a nice lady from her department into our circle of friends. At least that part of the evening was a success, btw.