Last year sometime, I was lying in bed one evening feeling really horny. I decided to scroll through tinder, with little to no hope of finding someone suitable and willing to help on such short notice. I was unfortunately in a small town in the middle of nowhere, working as an au pair. Chances of someone being in my vicinity were slim to none. I did some swiping anyways, even willing to perhaps entertain a bit of shameless sexting.
During this time I remember tinder had introduced some sort of timer chat game where if you messaged each other enough, your pictures would reveal and you could decide if you’d like to match. It was good fun but finding someone I found attractive proved to be unlikely, as shallow as it is to admit, so I started talking a bunch of shit with every person I came across, enjoying myself immensely with the different conversations I was having.
Eventually I got talking with a cheeky guy who called himself Duncan. Before our pictures revealed he asked me to describe what I looked like to him. I took the bait and responded ”Well I’m about 5’5, with brown hair and hazel eyes, with some meat on my bones, how about you?”