Author: IamWhoIamWhoIamWell

[F] Deepthroat Depression

The worst part about having mental issues is dealing with the depression spells. I’ve felt myself slowly slipping into into it for weeks, and I’ve been fighting like hell to maintain some sense of calm. There’s a constant battle going on in my brain between emotions and logic, and it’s absolutely exhausting. It has been all I can do to complete the bare minimum of everyday tasks like showering, brushing my teeth, and getting to work.

I try my best to feign competency at my job, while tears burn in the back of my eyes and I worry about shit that’s completely out of my control and drive myself crazy with how much I am sucking at life. I just go back and forth in my head with me vs. me “you suck,” “No, you’re awesome!” and it’s just draining and unproductive. I know this, and yet I can’t make it stop.

And then I get a random text from Deep, and the depression bubble pops. For a brief moment, I’m free. I feel his kind gaze and gentle touch on my head. The back of my throat begins to burn, and I can feel my mouth start to salivate. A smile creeps across my face, and a flash of the little mole by his hip enters my mind. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat Distraction

It’s ironic how things don’t stay ‘normal’ or ‘stable’ for very long. Just as you find your footing, the ride starts moving again. Gotta brace yourself and grab whatever is close by so you don’t fall on your face (or your ass). The human body is resilient at recovering from life’s little bumps and bruises. It’s those confounded big pitfalls you always gotta be leary and cautious about. Finding myself feeling somewhat steady for the first time in a long time, I knew trouble was lurking. What form would it take this time?

It started with an unexpected Valentine’s Day surprise and certainly not a good one. I woke up that morning to the worst pain, on the right side of my pelvis. I got up and used the bathroom and found Mother Nature had blessed me almost 2 weeks early with my lady time. I begrudgingly got ready for work and went about my day.

As the week progressed, I was about ready to yeet my uterus into oblivion and forget ever looking back. Never in my 30ish years of womanhood have I ever suffered this much. I never gave birth either, but I was particularly glad now I hadn’t had that experience in my life. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat Artistry

It’s always interesting to ride out life’s ebbs and flows. Things seem to have a way of returning to a sort of baseline of normalcy. I guess it’s important to recognize when things are out of whack so you can be grateful when they are “normal” (not that anything about my life is particularly normal, but I digress).

After a few turbulent months of settling into a new job and general hecticness, it feels good to be back on calm waters. I finally feel like I can relax and breathe again. So of course, my immediate go-to is to have that breath impeded by my sexy friend Deep’s reliably hard cock thrusted into my throat.

Pretty much the only thing that has kept me sane through all the craziness of the past few months is the knowledge that the stress release of a throating session was always something to look forward to. The timing of our sessions has been sporadic and unpredictable, but always welcome when it could be arranged. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat Redemption

There’s moments throughout life that sometimes linger a bit too long or pop up randomly in my memory and I rethink it over and over and drive myself crazy about how I could have reacted differently. Coulda woulda shoulda anxiety when I should just be fucking sleeping or reading or doing something productive (or masturbating if I could get out of my damn head).

Then I have the snap moment where I realize it does no good and simply erase it. Take what needs to be learned and extracted and erase the rest. I spent way too long dwelling on how awful I felt about my last deepthroat session. I overanalyzed every little detail for days and drove myself to tears beating myself up.

Finally, I woke up one morning and was sitting on the patio drinking my coffee and I had my snap moment. I realized I could just erase it and forget about it happening. It was not the end of the world. It was time for deepthroat Redemption. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat Disorder

As I have journeyed down this path of sobriety and self-discovery, it has become glaringly obvious to me that I always used alcohol to treat my mood disorder. It never occurred to me that I should see a therapist and take real medicine to treat my condition, I just thought everyone’s experience of life was like mine.

Since I have made changes and have my sexy friend now, I realize how much of my life I really missed out on, always being numb and unaware. I didn’t even know I was different or had a disorder until I set myself free of that toxic relationship with alcohol. It’s bittersweet to look back on my life now that I have a proper diagnosis and treatment path.

The best thing about all of it is that I wouldn’t be where I am now with my amazing friend Deep had my path been any different. The butterfly effect. I thank my lucky stars every time that rigid throbbing cock is gagging me and I’m desperately choosing between throat pleasure and air. There is no better feeling in the world to me. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat Therapy

Last time I wrote, I was convinced I was addicted to the practice of deepthroat with my sexy friend. The need to indulge myself in him felt overpowering at times. I realized this week that the stress and frenzy of the holidays could be contributing to my addictive behavior and feelings.

In his profession, Deep is busiest at work during the holidays and simply wasn’t available at my whims for regular sessions. It sucked for me, but it gave me time to deal with and work out my true feelings and reflect on the past year, and make goals for the new year.

I don’t think I have been both sober and single during the holidays since I was in high school. Regular life sortof pauses during the holidays and things are just different. Because of my new (better) habits I developed for 2022, I don’t really have friends to eat, drink, and be merry with anymore. I have distanced myself from those kind of friends. The only regular social interaction I have is weekly with my therapist and with Deep. Read more »

[F]Deepthroat Addiction

Welp, it’s time to admit it. I’m an addict. I’m fucking addicted. Like any addiction, I didn’t realize it until it was too late. All these months, I thought I was enjoying myself and the simple pleasures of life. When you moderate and have a steady, measured dose, life is generally nice but eventually, you build up a tolerance. You feel like you need more to get by.

You find yourself having intense headaches and sometimes shaking uncontrollably. You sleep poorly, have wild fever dreams when you do. You scroll your phone or watch your porn to distract yourself from the withdrawal. It’s difficult to focus on anything at all.

This is exactly the way I have been feeling since my last deepthroat session. It’s only been 5 days, but it seems like so much longer for some reason. At this point, it seems that there is nothing we haven’t tried yet. After some brainstorming (road head, underwater, various appliances), we determined we would try standing up. Both of us. Read more »

[F] The Ultimate Deepthroat Lesson

Jesus fucking Christ, these past few weeks have been absolutely crazy. At one point earlier last week I was finally able to make it to the supermarket and get a few things I needed for myself.

While I was in the toothpaste aisle, I noticed a moldable mouthguard you could get to put over your teeth to help with grinding while you sleep. I don’t believe I have an issue with grinding my teeth, but I do know have an issue with how much in my head I get about my teeth during my deepthroat sessions.

Sometimes the anxiety is so bad I can’t relax and do my best work. I’m always worried I’m going to saw and maim the shit out of the delicate skin on his cock and draw major blood in the name of giving good head. Anyways, my clever thinking ass realized that this nifty little device this might solve my problem. I tossed it in my cart and took it home and followed the instructions to mold it to my top teeth. I put it in the case and sorta forgot about it. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat lessons become life lessons

For those who follow me, you know I have been putting my Deepthroat skills to task with a sexy friend for the past few months. I have basically become a master of the craft and the journey has been amazing.

At the exact same time I started with my deepthroat lessons, I had decided to finally quit drinking for good (one really didn’t have anything to do with the other, but that’s how it played out). It’s been very eye opening to live my life through a clear and sober lens these past 4 months.

As I drove to accompany my special friend for a late night throaty call, my thoughts searched through my memory to the last time I had done something like this (driven to a man’s house late night because I’m horny) and it occurred to me that I had done this frequently as a drinker. It made me a little sick to my stomach at first, but then I put myself in the present moment, and realized that I had made a conscious and logical choice to do this today simply because it makes me happy. Giving pleasure to such a kind and deserving person makes me genuinely feel so good. It literally gets me off to get HIM off. Read more »

[F] Deepthroat sessions: a 90 day review

For my job, I coach and mentor new hires. Part of that process is assisting their managers with a 90 day review, because all the benefits kick in and we want to assess their progress through training. As much as I hate to take my work home with me, I felt compelled to do a progress report on myself, and the 90 days of intense training I have been putting into my deepthroat lessons.

I started my assessment by going back and watching the very first video that Deep and I made together. It definitely has a different feel than the recent tapes. This isn’t a bad thing, the innocence and newness is palpable. You can see it on my face and you can see it in his cock. You can tell by the way we interact together that it’s new and exciting and a little bit scary, I mean we are both dealing with uncharted territory for the first time, on camera no less.

There’s some visible awkwardness, at least from me. I remember being so intimidated by his big beautiful throbbing cock when he first slid it in my mouth. I had plenty of blowjob experience over the years, but this was a new level. I was fulfilling a man’s fantasy this time. I knew I was up for the challenge but I was nervous. Read more »