As you can tell from my post history, my sex life has been rather, well, vanilla. While I’m not a prude by any means, just about every time I’ve had sex up till about last week it was with someone I’d been dating for a respectable amount of time, and it was almost always plain old missionary. Hell, I’m even a former boy scout, as stereotypical a picture of a good American man you could find outside of a Norman Rockwell painting. And, this past month or so, I’ve been fed up with this. I don’t want more boring sex, I want wild, crazy, kinky sex with people I’ve just met. So I did what any horny twenty-something does: I made a bumble account.
I filled the profile full of everything I could think of to attract a quick fuck. Picture of me in a leather jacket leaning against a nice car? Check. ACAB in my bio? Check. Punk music in my spotify? Fucking check. Then I started swiping on anyone with a tattoo or a septum piercing. After a week of the usual false starts and conversational dead ends, it didn’t take long before I matched with her: Maria. Asian with an athlete’s build and standing at 5’1″ in her Doc Martens 1460’s with a face full of metal and arms covered in tattoos, everything about her said she liked it rough, hard, and fast.