[MF] An Office Affair – Part I

I’m late. Again. I close my laptop, grab my coffee and head down the hallway. Along the way, I pull out my phone to awkwardly check the time. My laptop, ever vigilant, sees an opportunity to hurl itself at the hard floor and ruin my day even more. Again. Shit. My left hand shoots out to grab it from behind just as it begins its fatal dive. I grab it, but in doing so end up dumping my coffee onto my pants. Shit shit. I put my laptop down on a table and grab some paper towels to try and mop up the coffee. As I do, one of the engineers on my team walks by in the opposite direction and giggles “does widdle poopy need a diaper change?”

Fuck you, I think. Again. I am a klutz, always have been and always will be. It’s who I am and what I am. I’m used to it by now, but I know other people find it annoying if not maddening. My wife long ago lost any patience with me and just rolls her eyes and turns away. She calls me her “retarded husband” to her friends. Fuck them.