Hello everyone. I've recently taken a liking to erotic literature, but I'm very picky with it so I decided to try to write a short story.
The story is more focused on the act itself rather than the setting, so keep that in mind.
Again, this is the first thing I've ever written and I would like honest feedback, whether it be related to character, setting, narrative, grammar, detail, descriptions… I think you get it.
Seriously, I know it is not very great, so by being honest you're only helping me.
Thank you in advance for your help, and I hope you enjoy.
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She yawns. You look over your shoulder to see her lying on the bed on top of her stomach, feet up in the hair and hands supporting her head. She has been quietly watching you work on your computer for about one hour now. She is absolutely beautiful.
She is a tall girl, about 1.80 meters. Deep, brown eyes and dark red, straight long hair which, had her been standing, would reach to about the level of her nipples. She has a very attractive, slender build and her breasts are small and cute. Her skin is very white.