Unlike me, my husband Nitin grew up in California. He came here when he was a little boy. So when I got married, I expected some cultural differences but nothing like the one that was in store.
Two of his uncles were the first to come here. They came in the mid 60s and started a family business, which became the anchor for the whole family. By the time he came here after the untimely death of his father, his extended family had already set root and was expanding. Though he still has some family back in India, where I grew up, he had a more American upbringing.
I joined him here after our marriage and did not take long to realize despite their outward appearance of Americanization, there was a strict hierarchy in the family rooted in the traditional in and outdated patriarchy so prevalent in India. The power resided with the men and they made the decision. Women of the family fell into three categories: praised and displayed for their beauty and elegance, valued and consulted for their family wealth and connections, or tolerated and maintained for their usefulness and service. Being curvy and average looking and coming from a modest family I quickly knew my place.