*To the tune of “Fifteen” by Taylor Swift. Words in brackets need not be sung but are added for context.*
**Verse 1:**
You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors;
It’s the morning of your very first day;
You say hi to your friends you ain’t seen in awhile, (*but you*) try and stay out of everybody’s way (*because of the enactment of the 2022 Freeuse Act*)
It’s your freshman year (*of college*) and you’re gonna be here for the next four years, in this town;
Hoping one of those senior boys doesn’t wink at you and say, “you know I haven’t seen you around, before”;
**Chorus 1:**
‘Cause when you’re eighteen,
Somebody tells you they like (*the look*) of you
You’re gonna have to blow them
And when they’re (*at least*) eighteen
(*you know*) Their loads are gonna be smelly and sticky and hot and…
(*you’re gonna have to*) Count to ten, take it in (*that’s right, swallow it you slut*)
This is life because you know who you’re gonna be
At eighteen. (*that’s right, you’re gonna be our nice perky little freeuse slut!*)