Subtle [edging] — roommate and friends nearby [exhibitionism] [voyeurism] [F]

Title.

Idfk why tf I’ve been so horny today. It’s been a busy few weeks, but I don’t remember doing anything particularly wild in terms of masturbating lately. I am not a multi-day edger — it works for some people, but I find it can distract me from work and that’s important to me — but sometimes (a lot of times lol), I will go several days without masturbating just because I get busy (pun intended) with work or other things, and then when I do have time to masturbate, it’s pretty awesome and… I get hooked on it. I’ll come a *lot.* Probably not as much as some people, but holy shit a lot for me lol. I’ll find excuses to be alone etc., be horny like all the time, be in situations where I *could* masturbate but didn’t come (again, puns lol) for that — and not be able to resist (“not be able to” is a loose phrase if we’re being honest, but for story’s sake, lol). Be on the toilet, brush your clit while wiping, and just. Be changing clothes and end up swiping that area, god forbid climbing into bed and ending up with a pillow between your legs. Goddddd. And when you do masturbate, coming and having your finger or whatever it is linger (down there, nipples, whatever) too long so you can’t resist having another, and another and another, until your stomach hurts or you get interrupted and forced to stop.

[F] Question about masturbation and depression.

I won’t go into it too much so as not to bore you all, but I have a question about your experiences with masturbation and depression that’s been needling me for awhile.

Like a lot of people, depression dampens my sex drive. It dampens just about everything. I cry more, I’m empty more, insomnia sets in because of depression and also anxiety, anhedonia can set in, waves of grief hit me (sometimes at semi-random times, other times sparked by triggers or stress), etc. There are a lot of reasons I deal with depression, so these manifestations vary.

Sometimes, though, I feel like the only way I can feel anything is by masturbating. Has anyone else experienced this?

Sorry for the more dour topic, again. Y’all’s thoughts are appreciated.

[F] Talkin on the phone with one of my best friends [m]. <3

Recently, I’ve been able to put words to the restructuring my brain is doing about sex. For a lot of years, the main if not only things that I associated actual sexual arousal with were exhibitionism, voyeurism, denial, and the like—anything that defined sex by fear, control, or shame. A lot lead me there, but there was a time when that’s not what I wanted out of sex. I wanted laughter, tenderness, romance… That kind of gestalt. It’s been a long road, but I’ve healed a lot and been able to start getting back to that. Tonight was an example.

I was talking to one of my closest friends on the phone. We had been talking for hours and hours. Before yesterday, I had been so busy since late last week that I hadn’t teased myself in several days, though. Yesterday, I thought I’d masturbate to relax before going to sleep and I almost got caught; I got going, forgot how good it was, and could barely stop when someone came in to adjust the AC on the house HVAC box in my room. Today, I got ahold of the shower head and came again, several times.

[F] [FF] Another late night, breathy audio (and an edging challenge story. Needed this. Quiet house.)

Originally, I [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildaudio/comments/gix9uf/f4f_f4a_another_late_night_breathy_audio_edging/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) the below text to r/gonewildaudio. Reading it back, though, it occurred to me it belonged here, too.

Here’s the [Audio](https://soundgasm.net/u/dickensianqueer/F4A-Really-needed-this-quiet). Most of this text is written there, too. Feel free to read along.

***
^^^

Earlier today, I did an [edging challenge](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildaudio/comments/epj4kv/a4aselfedgingcountdowncontrolchallenge_an_edging/?utm_source=share&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;utm_medium=ios_app&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;utm_name=iossmf) partly of my own invention, partly from a prompt on GWA. These used to be my favorites, both in others and to do myself, but it had been a long time since I’d really done one.

I was determined to really challenge myself. I took a bath and edged 3 times with the shower head. Got so sensitive, I nearly came those last 2 times; had some very close calls.

Then, the women’s contingent of my family wanted to go on our daily stroll around the neighborhood. I had planned on finishing the edge right after my shower, so I was really, really frustrated (in more ways than one). I had forgotten that edging is *actually* frustrating sometimes; it’s not just *all* pleasure. There’s a reason for folks’ palpable desperation.