Author: couple_of_deviants

This is sadly (or amazingly?) a 100% true story. It goes from me being a naive lil buddy to me STILL being naive but just with a woman bouncing up and down on my ~lil buddy~. Wow that joke was forced. And yet, we persist.

So due to being religious early in life, I was still a virgin at 24, but I decided that I wanted to have sex. It has gotten pretty good reviews over the years and I really just wanted to be a part of the wider cultural conversation, ya know? But none of that was on my mind when I matched with “Becca”. She was very very cute in a ~hot librarian~ way with big round glasses and short hair that ended right above her shoulders. Her smile caused her face to squish up and I, frankly, am a sucker for that shit. But we matched and started talking and the conversation went to where almost all tinder conversations go: the artistic merits and cultural impact of specifically Mario Party 5. She eventually invited me over to play and I called my Uber. Read more »

When you live in the DC, politics seeps into just about everything. Who you vote for, who you work for, and who you date. Liberals mostly date liberals, conservatives date conservatives, exactly as you’d expect. Dating apps like tinder usually have in the bio phrases like “swipe the way you vote” or “if you voted red don’t even bother” or something alone those lines.

Anyway, it was this environment where I matched with a girl (let’s call her Becca, why not, as good of a fake name as any). She had thick blonde hair that messily tumbled down her shoulders in her pictures and one of those mega watt smiles that has light bursting at the seams. But perhaps most importantly to this story (and probably what you all are most curious about) it was very apparent that she had the most beautiful, plump pair of boobs. One of her pictures was a bikini picture and that top was struggling to contain her ivory flesh. We matched and started talking, and it became obvious fairly quickly she was a conservative. So as we got near arranging meeting up, I made sure to slip in “just so you know, I’m a liberal snowflake” Read more »