Hello, perverts. Settle in for the tale of the first time my wife and I had sex, one of the best nights of my life, firmly engrained in my memory. This one is for everyone out there who’s looking to crank their hog to regular people having some good sex, not “I [18M] cheated on my ex [F37] with her boss’s daughter [F81]”. One of the reasons were seeing such a glut of incest porn is that it is one of the few genres where the script has the actors be kind and and affectionate with each other, and generally have a nice fun time. This story is in that spirit, but without all the weird *Game of Thrones* sister-fucking.
This is eight years ago, when the world was a simpler place. “Like a G6” by Far East Movement was playing on every radio, and the stockpiles of caffeinated Four Loko had not yet run dry. Yes, simpler times. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ’em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you’d say.