[MF] I walked right into my neighbor’s place, saw her giant sex toys, and helped myself to a pair of her panties.

Yes this is my sleazy porn throwaway acct. I promise, this thing started off with good intentions. We haven’t seen this neighbor in what seems like weeks, but the lights are constantly on, day and night, and it was starting to smell a little weird near her doorway. So one evening, after a few six beers I decided I would go check on her. I’m going to make sure she’s not dead in her living room or anything!

I knocked on her door to no answer. Just for shits and giggles I turned the knob, and sure enough the door was unlocked. I walked in and did the usual, “Hello? Anyone here? It’s your neighbor buttstuff. Hello?” I took a quick look in the kitchen, where a bunch of takeout and trash sat, creating that funky aroma I was starting to smell. I peeked in the 2nd bedroom, nothing but trash bags full clothes and things. I look in the master bedroom and nothing but a bunch of laundry and hinnngggg is that a pair of panties on the bed? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. It’s a sexy thong, too. Now my neighbor would do well in the r/pawg (NSFW) sub, just to give you an idea of what I’m dealing with here. Ok, let me just, ahem, see if this is clean laundry–you know, for sleuthin’ around; it could be an indication of time of death or what have you. Darnit, these clothes were freshly laundered.