Until I started doing it for the camera, I always had complete control of every aspect; what I felt, how I felt it, what I watched/read while I pleasured myself, and I’d make sure I was to a good part when I climaxed. Being a virgin, I never had anyone to take any of that control away from me.
Then I got a prostate vibe, and I started to understand the appeal of losing control.
Took me some time to work up to inserting it, I’ll tell you that; I’d always get nervous and chicken out whenever there was any resistance. But after lots of lube and lots of breathing, I managed it.
Although it’s a fairly small toy, it felt huge at the widest point; I was about ready to give up, because being stretched open for the first time was, although not painful, bordering on unpleasant. But then I passed the widest point, lube and elasticity took over, and my own body pulled it down to the hilt in an instant.
And when it slipped into place and I felt it nestle against the back of my p-spot, I knew I was hooked. I always considered anything anal to be “too violating” for me, but it *was* violating, in the best way.