Author: before-my-wife

Once upon a time, I used to date an Olympian.

No, I’m not going to tell you any identifying info about her at all, except for:

* She’s won medals
* She’s a summer athlete
* She’s hot AF

We met at a brunch place. She immediately caught my eye from across the restaurant and when we happened to leave at the same time I apologized for bothering her and asked if I could give her my number.

“I’m really busy. Like, really, *really* busy.”

“That’s cool,” I said. “You don’t have to call, but obviously I think it’d be cool if you did.”

She did end up calling me, about a month or so later. I was surprised and it took me a bit to put two and two together. I finally figured it out when she described herself as “The cute, busy chick you met at [famous brunch place].”

The biggest difficulty was finding a date that worked for her: she wanted to avoid bars and my second favourite get-to-know-you date, a pie place, was off the table too for some reason (the reason: she was on a strict training diet). We ended up going to the movies. Read more »

Once upon a time, I hate-fucked a “co-worker”.

Here was the deal. I used to work at a web design agency. One of our clients had a huge project, so huge that they had to hire our agency to help their usual agency do all the work. We’re talking multi-platform, multi-media, mega-project. Everything including the kitchen sink. It was way too big for anyone to handle, an issue that was exacerbated by the fact the original agency was GARBAGE.

HOT. STINKING. GARBAGE.

My main contact on the other agency was Jenna and we quickly developed a mutual hatred of each other. We were just mean to each other. In emails. Over Slack. In meetings. I thought she was incompetent – she never had any answers to the questions I needed answered to move the project forward, couldn’t use the basic tools that are industry standard so everything I got was in a weird format and had to be redone, and she was constantly disorganized. She was convinced that I was out to get her fired and so fought back on me with every opportunity.

It was a total mess. Read more »

Once upon a time, I seriously fucked up a hotel reservation.

This is a story from when I lived in Japan. I’ve got a lot of stories from that period of my life, but this one is kind of my favourite.

I met Rika at a karaoke bar. She was friends with some of my work friends. She was cute, with a nice smile, and dark brown, wavy hair. We exchanged numbers and started hanging out. We talked about music and movies and favourite places to go eat. We became friends.

I bemoaned the fact that I wanted to see more of Japan, but things outside of the Big Cities were hard to get to and navigate (especially since my kanji was shit). She offered to take me for a two-day drive around to her favourite spots on the coast, and I gladly took her up on her offer.

It was a magical trip, and I honestly didn’t expect anything to happen – we hadn’t even held hands at this point – spent driving along the southern coast of Honshu. Rika took care of everything: the maps, the restaurants, the temples and shrines we stopped at to take pictures of. I had one job, she told me: she gave me a name of a smallish city and told me to book a hotel. Read more »

*This is not a recent story.*

Once upon a time, I was living with my parents in a small city that was less than an hour from the Big City. I would go to the Big City all the time – I had plenty of friends who lived there, and the bars were much better. And when I was bored on the train, I did my fair share of swiping.

That’s how I matched with Brittney. She had strawberry blonde hair dyed pink and was thick in all of the right places. We started chatting and it quickly became apparent that she was a Horn Dog.

There was one problem: she had a boyfriend.

No, she wasn’t cheating on him. I made sure that that was very clear – I am not interested in being a part of infidelity. But she and her partner had come to an arrangement: they could fuck whoever they wanted, but not in the apartment that they shared. Unfortunately, with me living with my parents, that stopped any rendezvous of the sexual sort. Read more »

*This is not a recent story.*

Once upon a time, Red decided that it was time to lose her virginity.

If the name Red is familiar to you, it may be because I’ve already shared the story of [when she fucked me in the woods outside my favourite art gallery](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/txwhbo/mf_a_cute_art_gallery_date_turned_into_a_filthy/). This story comes earlier than that one – at the beginning of what would become a hot, hot summer fling before I moved out of the country.

It was a sticky hot day, the kind of day where your clothes stick to you instantly. I had just finished work and was lying on my couch, a layer of sweat coating my body, a glass of cold water pressed against my forehead. Nothing can get me to move from this spot, I remember thinking.

Well, that was wrong.

Red texted me. “Can we talk?” Those words have the power to send you into a panic no matter what the context. Red and I had gone out twice by this point, but the farthest we had gotten was taking her shirt off. Both times we’d made out, dry-humping each other over our clothes, which was fun – it made me feel like a precocious youth again. All that to say, I had no idea what she wanted to talk about. Read more »

*This is not a recent story.*

Once upon a time, I was about to move to Japan.

It was the summer before, and I already had a job and my visa all lined up for this next great adventure in my life. But my flight was two months away, and I was horny. So I got on the ol’ apps and eventually matched with Red.

I’m calling her Red because she had the most absolutely magnificent red hair: a deep orange with gentle waves throughout it. Red was tall and rail-thin, with the tiniest little tits and a super-tight ass. She had also, she told me, never had sex before. That would change quite soon.

But this isn’t the story of her losing her virginity. This isn’t even the story of how she learned that she reeeeeally loved sucking dick. This is the story of the time I fucked her outside of an art gallery.

We’d been seeing each other for a month by this point, and we’d moved from fuck buddies to friends with benefits, the difference being that we actually enjoyed each other’s company. That, along with me wanting to re-visit all of my favourite places before my impending departure, leads us into today’s story of probably the highlight of a sweet little summer fling. Read more »