collection of stories you shouldn't read at work
*If you’re into exposition, you can* [*start here*](https://bakecookieswritesmut.com/2021/12/25/christmas-moonshine-part-1/)*.*
*Ruth is alone for Christmas this year, and she stops by a mysterious little shop to buy a knit cat to cheer up her empty apartment. The knit cat turns out to be modeled after the grumpy shop cate, Obsidian or ‘Obbie’ for short. As Ruth leaves, the old woman who runs the shop offers Ruth some of her home-brewed moonshine.*
*If you’re into exposition, you can* [start here](https://bakecookieswritesmut.com/2021/12/25/christmas-dinner-part-1/)*.*
*Elden and Rosie are two fae-turned-event-planners. This dinner for the Main Street Cigar Club, which they won at a charity auction, was merry and bright until Rosie realized she’d accidentally been dosing them with the Valentines aphrodisiac instead of the intended Potion of Merriment. The guests’ needs must be met, and Rosie becomes the final dinner course…*
[*Original Short: Cutie Cumpire Goes to the Movies*](https://www.reddit.com/r/DirtyWritingPrompts/comments/pa4y2o/wp_its_well_known_cum_is_an_alternative_for_blood/ha4jk39?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
*Origin Story starts with* [*Cutie Cumpire and the Subreddit*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbqgbz/cutie_cumpire_and_the_subreddit_msolomfexhib/)
*Cum works just as well as blood for vampires like Nora, and Jasper sure makes a lot of it!*
***
Jasper carefully folded macaron batter by the oven in his—well, *theirs* now—little studio apartment while Nora sat on a bar stool by the island.
“You really do measure everything!” Nora said. She giggled as Jasper counted the number of strokes as he folded.
He quirked an eyebrow at her but didn’t dare lose his count—not until the batter was at the correct honey-like consistency and ready to be piped.
“I never would have thought the math degree would be relevant to baking, but here we are.” Jasper scooped the batter into the piping bag and double-checked the oven temperature. He’d gone so far as to calculate his oven’s heating curve and to tweak the bake temperature and time accordingly.
“So we are,” Nora said with a grin.
Jasper carefully piped the macaron shells, and once they were safely tucked to the back of the counter to rest, he started to clean up.
[*Original Short: Cutie Cumpire Goes to the Movies*](https://www.reddit.com/r/DirtyWritingPrompts/comments/pa4y2o/wp_its_well_known_cum_is_an_alternative_for_blood/ha4jk39?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[*Part 1: Cutie Cumpire and the Subreddit*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbqgbz/cutie_cumpire_and_the_subreddit_msolomfexhib/)
[*Part 2: Cutie Cumpire and the Sticky Keys*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbr2n4/cutie_cumpire_and_the_sticky_keys_msolo_mf_exhib/)
[*Part 3: Cutie Cumpire Gets Sextual*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbrfhg/cutie_cumpire_gets_sextual_fsolo_mf_exhib/)
[*Part 4: Cutie Cumpire and the First Date*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbru4w/cutie_cumpire_and_the_first_date/)
*Check the comments/follow me for more stories in this series.*
***
Nora and Jasper met up again on Friday. And Saturday. Jasper had agreed to help his mom with her gardening on Sunday, but they saw each other again on Monday. And Tuesday. And then later that week, they exchanged phone numbers. The next week, they traded addresses.
And then just like that, they were dating. Boyfriend/girlfriend in-real-life dating.
Their sexting was undiminished. And Nora was being particularly brazen on a Tuesday afternoon.
Jasper: *C’mon Nora, you can’t do this to me…*
Nora: *Why?* 😈
Jasper: *I can’t have an erection at work all day!*
Nora: *Deal with it.*
Jasper: *I would, but I don’t think you want this all going down the drain.*
Nora: *No!* 😡 *don’t waste my cum!*
Jasper: *Then stop sending me pictures of your ass!*
Nora: *then stop looking at them* 😈
**Tags: [MF]**
[*Original Short: Cutie Cumpire Goes to the Movies*](https://www.reddit.com/r/DirtyWritingPrompts/comments/pa4y2o/wp_its_well_known_cum_is_an_alternative_for_blood/ha4jk39?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
[*Part 1: Cutie Cumpire and the Subreddit*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbqgbz/cutie_cumpire_and_the_subreddit_msolomfexhib/)
[*Part 2: Cutie Cumpire and the Sticky Keys*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbr2n4/cutie_cumpire_and_the_sticky_keys_msolo_mf_exhib/)
[*Part 3: Cutie Cumpire Gets Sextual*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbrfhg/cutie_cumpire_gets_sextual_fsolo_mf_exhib/)
*Check the comments/follow me for more stories in this series.*
***
Jasper wasn’t sure he was going to survive the wait until his Thursday date with Nora. Seeing her in person for the first time would be intense enough, and he’d gone and cranked it up to 11 by suggesting the casual first date activity of *hey I heard vampires like cum why don’t you drain my balls*.
For better or worse, a project exploded at Jasper’s work and he ended up working late into the night for the first half of the week. He still chatted with Nora throughout the day, but he basically just worked and slept from Tuesday through Thursday.
He guessed correctly that work would run over on Thursday too, so he’d brought a change of clothes and would have to go straight from work to the bar. Fortunately, they were able to get all the tests passing right before Jasper had to leave. He’d be able to sleep in on Friday, at least.
[Part 1: Cutie Cumpire and the Subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbqgbz/cutie_cumpire_and_the_subreddit_msolomfexhib/)
[Part 2: Cutie Cumpire and the Sticky Keys](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbr2n4/cutie_cumpire_and_the_sticky_keys_msolo_mf_exhib/)
Check the comments/follow me for more stories in this series.
***
To Nora, watching human men cum all over the place was a bit like watching the Great British Baking Show. It was entertaining, appetizing, and a bit torturous. She could easily imagine the humans drooling after the thousand-layer pastries and fresh ground lavender rose compote that they could never have, just like she drooled after cumshots on Reddit.
Tinder was decent for snacks here and there, but at this rate she was always going to have to supplement with cow’s blood—that is, if she didn’t crack and suck one of those dumb jocks dry. The high would be amazing. The subsequent life in prison would not be so great.
And if she were being honest, the slut-shaming from humans didn’t bother her that much. It was the slut-shaming from other vampires that got under her skin. Even though all the medical journals agreed that cum was significantly more nutritious than blood, many vampires insisted that it was ‘not a great look’ and ‘poor optics’ and only for ‘sicko fetishists who were desperate to feed on humans’.
*Continued from* [*Cutie Cumpire and the Subreddit*](https://www.reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/pbqgbz/cutie_cumpire_and_the_subreddit_msolomfexhib/)*. Check the comments/follow me for more stories in this series.*
***
Within an hour, she’d replied.
u/CutieCumpire69xxx *replied to your post in* r/RedditorCum 🥵🥵🥵 *Fuck, I wish I was that wall…*
It was like licking a battery, the electric jolt at seeing that comment. It arrived just as he was getting ready for bed. He put down a navy towel and fucked a silicone sleeve over the edge of the bed, making another massive puddle for the camera.
He awoke to the comment, *adkhgkdagl fuck, yes*.
Jasper’s pulse fluttered. This was officially enough of a thing for him to reply without it being creepy, he decided. And while he wished that the words would come as easily as he did so that he could jack off for the morning and be about his day, he fretted over the exact wording for his entire morning routine and most of the train ride to work.
What he finally settled on was: 👀 *I like your pics. I could look at them next time, if you’d like that.*
*This is a spin-off from a standalone short I posted in* r/DirtyWritingPrompts*, called* [*Cutie Cumpire Goes to the Movies*](https://www.reddit.com/r/DirtyWritingPrompts/comments/pa4y2o/wp_its_well_known_cum_is_an_alternative_for_blood/ha4jk39?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)*. Check the comments/follow me for more stories in this series. Thank you to* u/TheDankSoulOfMan *for such a fun prompt!*
***
Jasper had always had trouble getting condoms to stay on, to the point that he doubled up on contraceptives or just avoid PIV entirely. He’d never quite understood why, until his girlfriend Jenny said, “You just cum way more than normal. It’s weird.”
He’d thanked her for the insight and broken up with her shortly thereafter. And then alone on the couch in his little studio apartment, he’d gone down the search engine rabbit hole of ‘How much cum is normal’. After the strangely arousing experience of reading the Ejaculation Wikipedia page and watching a man in a black shirt burst eighteen inches into the air with clinical calmness, it was only another search and a few more clicks before Jasper ended up on r/RedditorCum.
Jasper learned two things in quick succession.
Ada has 99 problems and being a princess with a libido in a patriarchal kingdom is one of them. When a witch’s curse has an unintended side effect that gives Ada power beyond her wildest and wettest dreams, she realizes that her story has only just begun…
[Read on my blog for free](https://bakecookieswritesmut.com/the-cookie-jar/the-dragons-tower/)!
Want a bit more of a taste? (mild spoilers for the story)
>!Ada’s “curse” causes her to turn into (and back from) a dragon whenever she orgasms. She’s horny as a human and even hornier as a dragon! After a swoon-worthy pirate prince from the mysterious western shores invites her away from her tower, Ada sets sail on a grand adventure full of enthusiastic sex, whirlwind romance, mischievous sirens, friendly pirates, irresistible aphrodisiacs, and more.!<
>!Begins with a “once upon a time”, ends with a “happily ever after”. :)!<
John is a professional game reviewer, which is not as fun as it sounds. Especially since he gets stuck with the low-budget, the weird, and the downright bad. His latest assignment is definitely in the ‘weird’ category: an augmented reality headset with no name, no internet connection, and a rating of ‘Adults Only’. There’s only one thing he knows as he opens the unlabeled black box: whatever is inside is going to be memorable…
Read for free here: [https://bakecookieswritesmut.com/the-cookie-jar/the-black-box/](https://bakecookieswritesmut.com/the-cookie-jar/the-black-box/)
Parts 1 and 2 are up (~15k words so far), and I’ll be adding new chapters regularly.
Lots of masturbating, edging, and teasing in this one. Also, some tentacles!
I’m the OC. Please let me know if I should be posting excerpts instead, it’s just easier to share a link! :)