Author: AnOpenTreasureChest

A Christmas Cocking [FM] (29f)

(Aka: A true tale of festive fuckery as told in a seasonally appropriate and thoroughly wholesome manner)

‘Twas a few nights before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
But that’s not strictly true, as something *was* stirring,
For under a duvet a vibrator was whirring.
I was attempting to relieve my frustration,
By applying some liberal clitoral stimulation.
Though I was having success, and my toes they did twitch,
It just wasn’t enough to fully scratch the itch.
I sought something more substantial in her Christmas stocking,
To put it quite bluntly, I needed a cock-ing.
For a festive family gathering is great, with one snag,
It presents next to no opportunities to shag.
I’d been home for three days; a Christmas vacation,
And my sex life had halted, a total cessation.
Until then I’d been active, after all, ’tis the season,
Not that I needed to justify the reason.
In short, I was horny. I needed some action,
To get out and find some mutual attraction.
So despite the later hour, and some of my family sleeping,
Out of the house I found myself creeping.
(It wasn’t that late. Maybe just gone twelve?
Certainly enough time for my plans not to shelve)
Wrapped up in layers, looking quite the sight,
I ventured out into the cold winter’s night… Read more »

Performing Sex Scenes on Stage – Act Two: A Standing Ovation (29f) [FM]

As I found myself stood on stage in front of some two hundred or so people, bent over to simulate being fucked from behind by a man I found desperately attractive, feeling his ill-concealed erection pressing repeatedly into me with each almost comically over-forceful thrust, while I stared directly into the eyes of his laughing girlfriend in the audience, I fully confess to my inner monologue deploying a tired old cliche;

“You’re probably wondering how I got here…”

I day say you, fair reader, are probably asking much the same thing.

The answer in full can be found [HERE](https://www.reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/q46shv/performing_sex_scenes_on_stage_with_inevitable/) But for those who find link clicking and/or backstory filling a tedious business, I’ll very quickly bring you up to speed.

During my time at University I joined a sketch comedy group which, in order to protect the innocent, I will refer to only as *The Soggy Biscotti.* Although participated primarily as a writer, over time I occasionally found myself appearing *in* sketches in addition to penning them. For one particular show I wrote a series of skits in which a couple find each other so irresistible as to be physically incapable of keeping their hands off each other, and as such they are found fucking in an increasingly bizarre series of situations – including cropping up randomly Python style in *other* sketches. Read more »

“If you splash cum on the seats I’ll have to charge you, so I hope for your sake she swallows!” (An Uber Blowjob.) (29f) [MF]

The old adage that ‘a pleasure delayed is a pleasure enhanced’ is undeniably accurate. Anticipation can be the world’s most powerful and underrated aphrodisiac and, if given enough time to develop and properly percolate, can lead to explosive and unforgettable sexual experiences.

And sometimes instead you find yourself entirely unwilling to resist temptation, and end up blowing a guy in the back of an Uber, in full view of a visibly conflicted driver.

This particular anecdote is very much an example of the latter.

The specifics of how I came to find myself in such a position are largely superfluous, though in hindsight it perhaps speaks volumes that while I can’t for the life of me recall the name of the guy in question, I *do* remember that the driver was called Angus.

For those who require context, the guy and I had met earlier in the evening in a theatre bar. He gatecrashed a conversation between myself and some friends wherein I was slagging off the show whilst they were arguing it was a spectacle worthy of the second coming. He interrupted to agree with me. For what it’s worth, I didn’t *need* his support as my own argument was irrefutable, but his bravery to intrude combined with his incredibly alluring eyes pretty much ensured he was getting lucky from the outset. Read more »

“Fancy a quick dirty fuck outside behind the bins?” (29f) [FM]

There are a great many and varied approaches to the art of seduction; subtle and flirty, playing hard to get, invitingly sensual, confident romanticism, the casual long game, openly inviting, to name but a few. Each has their own relative pros and cons and each, if deployed appropriately, can be extremely effective in their own way.

Each also comes with something of an unwritten set of expectations. The approach very much tends to set the tone of whatever may ensue. If someone has spent the time romantically wooing you, chances are the resultant sex will be – at least initially – of the more sensual and ‘romantic’ variety. Equally if you’ve been playing a tug of war game of playing hard to get / will-they-won’t-they, the sex is more likely to be an explosion of barely contained energy as the hitherto unstoppable force finally collides with immoveable object.

But sometimes expectations can entirely subverted. And sometimes there’s a lot to be said to skipping the seduction entirely and jumping straight to the point…

​ Read more »

Pure Fucking Poetry (29f) [FM]

For reasons unknown,
I have a deep rooted love
For writing haiku.

Highly pretentious,
And not worth anyone’s time.
Except for one thing.

In among the dross,
And counted syllable crap.
Is something worthwhile:

(Well, I say ‘worthwhile’,
It’s still utterly pointless,
But it makes me laugh)

A single sex act,
Chronicled in full Haiku.
Written now for you:

Before I begin,
I can offer no context.
It starts with the sex.

(Which some will prefer
As I am rarely succinct,
But I’ll not digress!)

It opens with me,
Cock already in my mouth.
Tongue doing gods work.

–

A hardening cock
Growing from within your mouth
Raises a big smile.

At least I would smile
If my mouth wasn’t busy
Having far more fun.

The taste of pre-cum
Is an encouraging sign
When one starts to blow.

The speed it arrives
Will never fail to surprise
(Whoops, nearly a rhyme)

My tongue is a beast
Unshackled from its restraints
When unleashed on cock.

It writhes and it flicks,
A constant state of motion
To get the job done. Read more »

Sex Scrabble: Spell a word and make it happen. (29f) [Group]

As an individual who has always enjoyed and delighted in the competitive side of sex with every orgasm – given or received – being deservedly be classified as a ‘win’, I consider myself to be something of a connoisseur on the subject of ‘sex games’. Or, perhaps more specifically; games involving a (potentially) sexual component.

I’ve written previously about ‘Strip Twister’ or, as it is otherwise known; a thinly veiled excuse to quickly get naked and intimate with a group. Not until you’ve played yourself can you truly understand the thinking behind making the playing mat wipe clean.

But as much fan as Strip Twister – and indeed almost any game you care to mention with the word ‘strip’ arbitrarily bolted to the front – is, there’s a degree of randomness to it which, while often fun, somewhat removes a player’s agency. Unimportant for most games (unless you happen to be as competitive as myself, in which case it’s infuriating) but a *vital* aspect of sex. Fucking is *all* about choice. And while it’s true that sometimes restricting choice can be fun in and of itself, the point is that you’ve made the choice to do that. Arbitrary limits are far less fun. Unless the point is to find exciting ways to circumvent them, but that’s a whole different story and i’ll try to avoid an early digression! Read more »

A corridor fuck when you can’t find the key [MF] (29f)

Hen parties and hotels (or bachelorette parties and motels if you’re across the pond and/or aren’t a fan of alliteration) tend to be something of a dangerous combination. Home-spun hen parties can obviously still be wild and lurid affairs, but the locality and fact there’s always the prospect of ending up back in your own bed at the end of the evening does tend to gravitate proceedings toward the marginally less raucous outing. As a great philosopher once said ‘One does not shit in one’s own back yard’, after all.

When a hen party is combined with a night or indeed, god forbid, an entire weekend away however, the world becomes your oyster. Distance represents not only both literal and metaphorical freedom, but also distance from *consequences.*

Aka. What happens on a hen party, stays on a hen party.

All of which is why, when my dear friend Kaytee (Yes, that really is how it’s spelt. Yes, it’s utterly ridiculous as I tell her every time I’ve ever found myself writing it down. Yes, I even messaged her as I was writing this to comment on its ludicrousness. And yes, I’ve had *stern* words with her parents on multiple occasions) decided to tie the knot, myself and six other friends immediately made the decision to spend far more money than was sensible to indulge in just about the most cliched hen party you can imagine. Read more »

“I’ll blow a guy for every time England score…” (We won 4-0) (29f) [Group]

I am, perhaps unsurprisingly, not much of a football fan. And to clarify several things from the outset; by football I mean soccer for those of a transatlantic persuasion, and by ‘not much’ I mean I regard it with roughly the same level of disinterest as crochet, pingpong, or the literary works of E.L. James.

I’ve always considered myself to be too much a cynic and pessimistic soul to really get behind any sporting enthusiasm. If anything I’d argue it’s the more rational approach – If you expect your team to lose then it’s surely twice as exciting if they manage to secure a victory, meanwhile a loss is – to badly cross some sporting similes – par for the course.

Such are my startling levels of ignorance in footballing matters, I’d managed to completely miss that there was an international competition in progress for quite a staggeringly long time. Indeed, the first I heard of our national team’s surprising progression through the competition was when I was informed in no uncertain terms by a group of friends that we were going to participate in something otherwise unheard of within our friendship circle. Heading out to a bar to *watch a game of football*. Read more »

Discovering DP – Definitive Pleasure or Debatable Pursuit? (29f) [MFM]

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; as far as I’m concerned threesomes are *the* definitive version of sex. Adding an extra body into the mix doesn’t merely double your options, but exponentially increases the variety and combination of possibilities open to exciting copulation. There’s just *always* something fun to be doing. To badly paraphrase myself; A threesome is all the joy of regular sex, but without the boring repetitive bits of only one ‘thing’ going in and out of another thing at any given time.

I’ve been lucky enough in my life thus far to have enjoyed what is probably an unfair number of threesomes. Certainly more than would be considered my ‘fair share’, which is pleasingly ironic given the topic. Whether it was by sheer luck or magnificent four-dimensional cosmic planning, I attended university at a time when the humble threeway was all the rage and seemingly spawned an entire generation of stalwart appreciation for the beloved ménage à *trois.*

Which is to say that while threesomes outside of University life are notably harder to come by (pun somewhat intended), the tantalising possibility is still out there for those willing to search. Read more »

Getting Railed – Sex on a Train (29f) [FM]

There’s something inherently soothing about rail travel. Perhaps it’s the ever present thrum of motion, the gentle shudder of passing a join in the track, or possibly just the very notion that you’re being taken where you need to go without the possibility of deviation. It’s an opportunity to sit back and unwind, close eyes and drift off listening to a podcast awaiting delivery to destination…

Or, alternatively, if you’re feeling somewhat less romantically and generously inclined; it’s a usually overheated and tedious sweat-box of misery and inevitable delay that does nothing but make for an inherently boring and overlong journey to somewhere that, without fail, falls short of your ultimate destination.

I fall somewhere between these two mindsets. I’ve enjoyed/endured enough train travel in my life thus far to have experienced both ends of the spectrum. Which is precisely why, when given the opportunity, I leapt at the prospect of adding a little excitement to an otherwise tedious session on the tracks. A rare instance in which I could get railed on rails. Read more »