Blowing my friend’s Boyfriend on his Birthday (29f) [FFM]

“Alice, you find Luke attractive, don’t you?”

An innocuous enough question on the face of it, but for a few crucial factors;

Firstly, Luke was an incredibly handsome guy. Irritatingly so. If you were to draw ‘chiseled’, you’d draw Luke. This rendered it something of a rhetorical question. Of course I found Luke attractive. There couldn’t be many who wouldn’t. Which meant it was obviously a question leading somewhere.

Secondly, Luke was not a single man. Indeed, he was in a relationship of several years. Not that there’s any harm in finding a partnered up man attractive – but it did frame the question in a slightly loaded fashion.

Thirdly and perhaps most significantly; the question was being asked to me *by* his girlfriend. The very same girlfriend whom I’d been close friends with myself for longer than the pair of them had been an item. A dear friend who I knew didn’t pose highly loaded and leading questions purely for the sake of being hypothetical.

Little did I know at the time – though I do feel I immediately did suspect on some innate level – that it would ultimately lead to one of the most arse-clenchingly awkward encounters in my short but colourful life thus far.

“Call me Daddy!” (29f) [FM]

“Sex is a conversation. Good sex is a debate. Great sex is an argument.” -Quote attributed to Alice, Sometime in the mid 2010’s. Feel free to quote me. It’s probably one of the most sensible things I’ve ever said.

Communication is key to so many aspects of life, sexual shenanigans included. Which isn’t to say there’s not a time and a place for wonderfully simple and uncomplicated rhythmic grunting/moaning/gasping/yelping/panting/screaming – there can be something utterly joyous in uncivilised bestial simplicity – but, for the most part, communication and conversation during the act only ever makes sex better.

For the purely mechanically minded, sexual discussion need be no more than a set of instructions, expressed and delivered in much the same style as arranging and building some flat-pack furniture; ‘Up and to the right some more.” “More pressure!” “Wait, not so hard…” “Screw it, just like that!” etc. I.e. Entirely functional, but a little without soul.

But, equally, for the more verbally dextrous/literary minded/vocal railroader, it can go a little too far in the other direction, as you’re forced to listen to laborious minutes on end of waffle and needlessly overwrought and flowery vocabulary spewing forth before able to get down and dirty to the good stuff.

Outdoor Group Fuck inspired by Lake Skinny dipping (29f) [Group]

Is it just me, or is skinny dipping essentially just a very long (and occasionally somewhat self defeating) way of getting around to inviting someone for sex?

I ask because in my adult years – and I use the term *adult* very loosely here, as I technically mean University years and beyond, and while I was a great many things during Uni, I don’t think ‘a mature adult’ would be considered among them – I have indulged in the practice of skinny dipping on precisely three occasions. And each and every one of them have ultimately resulted in sex.

I can’t believe I’m alone here. Let’s be honest, the very notion of skinny dipping is, despite whatever innocuous excuse may be offered at the time, inherently a sexual one. Sure, it’s all played as simply being ‘for fun’, a silly dare or a way to refresh, but ultimately someone is suggesting that everyone take their clothes off in close proximity. Either they’re keen to show off what they’ve been hiding under their own layers, or they’re keen to see someone else stripped bare. Usually, I dare say, both.

Fucking outdoors in front of a crowd (29f) [FM]

I *love* alfresco sex. For all its many – and let’s make no secret of this, there are *many* – impracticalities, there’s something to the sheer spontaneity and rush of simply giving in to desires wherever and whenever which makes the experience so gloriously liberating, however suboptimal the ensuing sex can occasionally prove to be.

It’s probably safe to assume that the largest contributing factor towards the appeal of the humble outdoor fuck – aside from perhaps the enjoyment of feeling a gentle breeze cusp the inner thigh – is the added risk. We’re all simple creatures at heart – doubly so when controlled by libido – and there’s no arguing against the simple biological imperative that risk equals a rush. Sex is singularly one of the most exciting and exhilarating things the body can experience when done well. Throw in the additional risk of getting caught and suddenly you’re piling additional intensity and urgency that can only enhance the experience; risk is the cream atop an already deliciously moist cake.

But, like all things in life, it’s a balancing act. Risk can offer big reward, but also catastrophic failure. Which is to say that the risk of being caught is itself an exciting rush. Actually *getting* caught can be a different experience entirely.

Two girls, One cock. And only one winner (29f) [FFM]

Let me preface this particular recollection by pointing out that I’m a competitive soul. Stupidly so. Driven to win at all costs, sometimes even to my own detriment. I’m entirely self aware of this – some may argue – crippling flaw, but self awareness does nothing to prevent my competitive urge striking. If there’s an opportunity to ‘win’ (and sometimes even when the very notion of winning is subjective at best) then I will do pretty much whatever it takes to achieve victory.

It’s one of the (many) reasons why I decided to give up ever accepting dares – for the good of my own sanity.

I also, for better or worse, have always seen sex as something of a competition. Which isn’t to say it’s a race, far from it. But it has an objective. The aim is to make the other person achieve orgasm. And if there’s an aim, there’s a victory. It’s a completion in every sense of the word.

Philosophy out of the way, let’s get stuck in.

Caught Sucking and Fucking in the Cinema (29f) [FM]

Sex is great. It is, arguably, just about the most fun it’s possible to have. But there can come a time when, if you’re lucky enough to be getting it sufficiently frequently, it can start to feel like it’s losing its edge. Which is to say it’s still great, obviously – orgasms are rarely not worth your time – but it can start to lose a little of its shine. It becomes just that little bit more predictable. More pedestrian. More, dare I say it, *routine*.

Which is when, in my experience, you find yourself starting to explore other means of regaining that exciting buzz that was initially a default bolt-on to any sexual escapade. You take your first tentative steps – or in my case, jumping in fully, both feet first – into finding a way to recapture the thrill. Specifically seeking out something new and adventurous, rather than just happening upon it.

Fucking your Teacher (a valuable lesson) (29f) [FM]

Role Play. An integral and essential part of sexual life for some, and a horror filled nightmare the likes of which Meatloaf referred to in his song “I would do anything for love, but I won’t do *that*”.

For my part, I absolutely understand the appeal. The opportunity to play a role and feel like somebody else for a while doesn’t present itself very often in life and, for the majority, role play presents the opportunity to enact the kind of fantasies that real life so rarely offers. But I can also very much see the thinking from those for whom the very idea may bring them out in a cold sweat. Because, when it comes down to it, role play requires acting. Not necessarily very good, deep or subtle acting – indeed, usually far from it – but, like most kinks, it’s something you’re either into or you’re not. And if you’re not, it’s a portal to only deep embarrassment, and the sudden and overwhelming desire to become celibate.

Hate Fucking a Total Bastard (29f) [FM]

There’s an old expression that love and hate are two sides of the coin. Personally I disagree. Hatred is far, FAR stronger. Love – at least in my experience – is something floaty, whimsical and ethereal, but hatred is primal and visceral. All consuming. Both are unquestionably strong passions, but one is a largely internal and self reflecting affair, while the other both burns and radiates, utterly unable to be contained.

Hatred – real, vein twitching, palm sweating, fury igniting hatred – is something that, mercifully, doesn’t come along very often. While it’s far to say we’ve all got dozens upon dozens of people we may intensely *dislike* (or perhaps that’s just me. My enemies list is sizeable!), there’s a significant void between dislike and blood bursting hate. I dare say there may be a significant number of individuals out there who have been lucky enough to skip through their lives without ever truly hating anyone. And I’m delighted for them (But they also make my dislike list, because I’d never truly trust someone so capable of remaining calm!).

My New Year’s Resolution: Give up Casual Sex. I fucked it within 25 minutes of the clock striking twelve (29f) [FM]

Ah, New Year. What finer opportunity to decide on some optimistic yet arbitrary life goals that, unless you possess a will far stronger than my own, you’ll have long since given up on by the end of the month.

New Years Eve 2019. On the cusp of 2020 which, being as it is a lovely sounding number, was sure to be the year that would bring only wonderful things. A year of optimism. Of hope. of unparalleled success and opportunity. And, personally speaking, the year I had very much intended to, as the old parlance goes; ‘get my shit together’.

I’d spent a significant portion of 2019 in an excellent relationship and, if I may be immodest for a moment, having excellent sex. The sort that, while perhaps not as relentlessly thrilling as with new and unknown partners, includes all the benefits of someone who understands your likes and dislikes, and who is more than comfortable playing to their strengths, and allows you to play to your own too.

But, as with everything in life, entropy had kicked in and as the year progressed we found ourselves growing apart and, ultimately, breaking up at the beginning of October. It very much needed to happen. No sour grapes on either end. Just one of those things, plenty more fish in the sea, etc.

New Year’s Eve games turn into a group fuck-fest (29f) [Group]

I suspect it’ll surprise no one to learn that this incident happened when I was a student. My first year as a student, no less. Those early (un)innocent days when the prospect of sexual adventure was high on everyone’s priority list. The University had closed for the Christmas break and mid December, and we all ventured home for Christmas, but had made arrangements to gather back together for a New Year’s Eve party. This was the first year of the rest of our lives (God help me, someone actually used that phrase. I’m not a violent person, but I nearly punched him), and it only felt right that our newly forged friendship group should see it in together.

All of which is making it sound rather more magnanimous and laudable than it actually was. Essentially someone wanted to host a massive house party, and everybody saw it was an opportunity to get gloriously hammered, in either interpretation of the word.

I’ll save lingering on the planning and deployment of the event, as, entertaining and hugely anecdote worthy though this was, it’s not especially sexy. Unless you find the idea of highlighted binders and spreadsheets erotic, in which case I’m jealous of how easily pleased you must be.