There are things I want to do that are against the law.
Today I am visiting a strip club. I have received permission from my wife, though I would go even if I hadn’t. I find it immeasurably better that my wife has told me to go. There is a kind of relief there. Whatever ambivalence I feel about watching women remove their clothes and dance before me for money and for my arousal and entertainment, I feel less of the uneasiness and more of the thrill due to receiving my wife’s permission. For better or for worse.
What I want to do is pay an extremely attractive woman of legal age – twenty to twenty-seven, let’s say – to kneel in front of me and slide my erect penis between her lips and through her mouth and into her throat. I want her lips pressed against my lower torso and I do not mind if she gags or struggles as long as she keeps me deep down into her throat. I want to have an orgasm there, and be able to feel that exquisite bliss of release without the slightest sliver of a doubt that she will back away or pull me out of her before I am ready. I want to be able to hold her down as forcefully as I like, despite being fully convinced that she would not want to pull away. I want her to be willing. I want her to want to do it. I want the monetary exchange to be fair and appropriate and for both me and her to be thankful for the experience and happy we followed through.