Adventures in Ass Worship [MF]: Part 1

Back in the Summer of 2017, my then-girlfriend (who I will call “L”) and I took a road trip from NYC to Tennessee to watch a total solar eclipse of the sun. We left in the afternoon and planned to stop somewhere in Virginia to get a hotel, and finish the last leg of the trip in the morning. We spotted some signs for hotels and pulled off the highway onto a State Route. Unbeknownst to us, our trip coincided with both the Little League World Series, and a NASCAR race, so there was no occupancy in any of the hotels. We found a small roadside motel in the middle of nowhere, but the door to the office was locked and had a phone number to call. It was shady as fuck but since it was nearly 1AM, this was our last chance. There was a 7-Eleven across the road, so I went in and asked what the deal with the motel was. They said that if we stayed there, we’d get bed bugs. With that, our fate was sealed, and we decided to drive through the night…