Novice*seeking advice*

I (32F) have been exchanging erotica shorts with my best friend (34M) and I may be biased but I feel that he is quite good at it. He would like to write more but he doesn’t feel he’s good enough, so I thought I would post his work here to get some honest feedback from like minded people in what i hope will be a safe space. I will post below and any feedback is appreciated!