Christmas miracles [MF]

Let us go back to a time, pre COVID. To a time when meeting a person didn’t involve staying 6 feet apart with face masks, to a time where if you wanted casual sex it didn’t mean just doggy or reverse cowgirl or even weirder moves. Let us have a holly jolly Christmas (and if you don’t observe Christmas that’s okay too).

I’m at home on leave from the military and like everyone always says it sucks going home. Well it sucks for those of us that left in the first place because we have broken homes and don’t realize that leave would be better spent going on an actual vacation and not reliving past trauma *oh wait you aren’t a therapist……* It’s Christmas night, and after a rousing game of guilt tripping and shitty feelings being passed around white elephant style I retire to the spare bedroom because I’ve had enough. I don’t have any hookups in my hometown and the dating apps are bare because….well it’s Christmas and people aren’t as broken as me. So I do what any good person does: post to craigslist and wait for bots to spam my email before retiring to stroking myself off and going to bed. I make sure to include not a dick pic and elaborate in my posting to make sure the bots really appreciate my well thought out ad.

[M]y time with the [F]ormer pageant queen

Through the miracles of online dating I met her. She was educated, flirty, and down to earth. We decide to have sushi and wax poetic about our lives and such. She was about 5’8″, slightly chubby with small perky tits and a small plump butt. Great conversationalist and after we ate we made out heavily before she left for the date to be concluded. She didn’t mind making out with full tongue right at the door and she also didn’t mind me groping her. I asked her if she wanted to conclude at her place, and she said she’d have to think about it at our next date.

Our next date is sorta at her house, she just wanted to relax at the pool at her apartment complex. Weird foreplay but I’m down for it. At this point we hadn’t mentioned anything regarding sex outside of our little makeout session so I’m not exactly hoping for sex at this point. We get dressed (separate from each other) for the pool and make our way to one and……it’s closed. Weird she says, she didn’t get an email. So we make haste to the other pool and you guessed it, closed! The kindly fellow smoking a joint of the good shit next to the pool said they haven’t opened they for the season yet. Hmmm something is afoot! But alas we trudge back to her apartment and I take the opportunity to let her walk up the stairs first so I can admire her plump little behind. She notices and doesn’t mind as she gives a smirk.