Scroll down if you don’t want the preamble
I spent years in a Dead Bedroom marriage – you can read about it if you go through my posts – which really did a number on my self-esteem. It took me a while to come out of my shell, but I’ve done some dating since then, with varying degrees of success (Tinder, ugh), and this summer I decided that I needed a break from the emotional rollercoaster, but still had needs, so I found myself a playmate, just for the summer. I’ve written about him once before.
One of the things that came up in couples counselling at the end of my marriage when I brought up my then-husband’s unwillingness to have sex was oral. He said that it was “the only thing he liked,” and that I “refused,” and that “the one time he talked me into it it was a disaster.” None of this was true/shared/apparent during the marriage. It is something I never felt confident doing – it seemed to take forever, I assumed I was getting it wrong and that made it less enjoyable for me – but I certainly don’t recall any situations I would call a “disaster.” (Men: what makes a blow job a disaster? I would have to assume injury for that classification, and that never happened, but anyway I’m rambling now.)