[FFM] My husband and I [30s] celebrated my husband’s vasectomy by having him finish inside another woman [25F]

A lot has happened since I last posted! My husband Henry and I successfully tried for another child, realized that three kids under three years old would be more than we could handle, and decided to get one of us snipped as quickly as possible. Some research about our different options quickly led to the conclusion that he should have the procedure instead of me, and we figured we could freeze some of his swimmers for a later date if we changed our minds.

Except for Henry getting annoyed at me for referring to the vasectomy as getting “neutered” and “gelded,” the whole process went off without a hitch fairly early into my second pregnancy. The only issue was, we didn’t exactly know how to mark the occasion. After spending the better part of a decade together, a not-insignificant portion of which was in quarantine, we had pretty much done all the weird shit to each other that we ever wanted to try. Our sex bucket list, a typed up note on my phone, had dwindled from a scrollable catalog to a couple lines of largely impractical sex acts and celebrity hall passes. (Pedro Pascal, hit me up if you ever want to get weird.) One of the few remaining fantasies was Henry cumming inside someone else’s pussy. And, if I’m being honest, there was also a large part of me that wanted to offer Henry some kind of reward for having the operation so I wouldn’t have to. Which is dumb, since I was the one who had to give birth twice, but whatever. I wanted to do something nice for him.

[FM] 280 words: Becoming re-acquainted with my husband six weeks after giving birth

Loving Henry as a partner was incomparable to loving him as the father of our child. We waited the full six weeks before having sexual contact, our routines adjusting as my body slowly stitched itself back together. Intimacy became intentional, familial instead of sexual. Taking time for skin-to-skin contact with our child instead of just each other, reframing my breasts as producing food instead of pleasure.

The morning of, Henry exhaustedly fed me breakfast, our child latched onto my nipple. “Input and output,” I joked while taking his offered bite of oatmeal, my laughter fading as the date notification pinged our phones in unison.

Our eyes met, and I knew we were on the same page.

Henry put the baby down for a nap while I showered, grateful to have some time to breathe. He was there holding out a towel when I turned off the water. He wrapped me up in it, brushing his lips against my neck slowly. I buried my face in his chest as one of his hands trailed down my body, all thoughts of stretch marks and loose skin evaporating, replaced with thoughts of him.

[FM] New year, new us – had some big changes in January 2021

The morning of New Year’s Day last year was not fantastic.

Despite cutting out dairy (under protest) several months prior and DD’ing my husband Henry’s and my COVID-safe celebrations the night before in a cute town a couple hours away from home, I woke up feeling bloated and nauseous and exhausted and all-together shitty. I groaned and rolled out of Henry’s arms before lifting the covers to make sure I hadn’t bled all over our motel sheets. Nothing was there, thank goodness. I kissed Henry’s cheek and huffed to myself as I shoved my frigid feet into my slippers and rose from the bed, my aching back tightening with discomfort. Padding over to the dingy bathroom, I let out a stream of curses. Fuck, my tits were sore. I cupped one in each hand in the hopes that lifting them slightly would ease the pressure in my lower back.

This was PMS from hell. Meanwhile, fucking Henry was sleeping the sleep of the completely fucking unbothered, his mouth probably making that stupid fucking “pfeeew” sound he makes when he’s deep in REM sleep while I was being sabotaged by my traitorous uterus. By the time I climbed back under the covers, Henry had begun to stir. “Where did you go?” he muttered sleepily, grabbing me and pulling me against him.

[MF] And on the eighth night of Hanukkah, we beat my orgasm record

Because my partner Henry is a non-practicing Chinese Buddhist, and I am a barely-practicing Jew, the “holiday season” has never really signified religious celebrations. But, as Americans, we love an excuse to exchange gifts.

In 2019, Hanukkah started on December 22 and ended on the 30th. The overlap with Christmas and almost-overlap with New Years provided a perfect excuse to take time off work and visit family. It was pure luck that we timed our last pre-quarantine visit with family that way, though we of course didn’t know COVID was around the corner. We stayed with my folks in my hometown, spent Christmas watching movies and eating Chinese food (or as Henry pointedly called it, “food”), and attended a smattering of holiday parties hosted by family friends and relatives.

[FM] First time anal with my partner brings out a praise kink

I’m no stranger to anal. A former fling was obsessed with it, and I’ve tried it many times since then. And I generally fucking hate it. I know it’s not “cool” for women to hate anal, but I usually cannot stand full on anal sex. Butt plugs? 10/10. Pegging someone else? 11/10. But taking a full dick up the ass? Nah, I’m good. That being said, it’s something I’ll occasionally indulge for the sake of a partner’s pleasure. It’s a trade-off and a kindness, like when someone will rewatch *Scandal* with me even if they hate it and know I’ll talk the whole time.

My then-boyfriend/now-husband Henry and I talked extensively about anal probably in our first month of dating. I laid out my reasons for disliking it (long prep time, lack of personal enjoyment, feels weird to sit down for hours afterwards, etc.), and he laid out his reasons for liking it (pretty much just novelty). After I described my trade-off mentality, it became the yard stick for how much one of us did or didn’t want to do something.

Him: “Want to go to [insert sports match here] this weekend?”

Me: “I’d rather get fucked up the ass.”

[FM] Accidentally broke the hotel bed after not seeing my boyfriend for months

When I finished my grad program, I decided to celebrate with a massive backpacking trip across central Europe. My job didn’t need me to start until the fall, so I had the whole summer to run around trying incredible food, sightseeing, and getting hopelessly, wonderfully lost. Some of my friends cycled through joining me for different legs of the journey, so I was never alone for very long, but I was rarely with the same friend for more than two weeks. It was an incredible trip.

The only downside was that my then-boyfriend (now-husband) Henry couldn’t make it because he had a new job that wouldn’t let him take vacation time in the first couple months. We would Skype over shitty hostel wifi when we could, but for the most part we just sent each other disjointed WhatsApp messages intermittently while on vastly different sleep schedules. Although we had been dating for over a year and moved in together shortly before I left, it was still awkward. After having finally ended the long-distance portion of our relationship, I felt weird that I was suddenly jet-setting off to have a vacation while he was stuck at home working a new job in the city where he had moved to be with me. So there was a healthy portion of guilt eating away at me whenever I saw a text from him that had been sent hours prior. This guilt was only compounded by the fact that I was scheduled to be staying in a hotel on the beach in Croatia on his birthday. Henry, for his part, never once made me feel guilty. But there’s no logical basis when it comes to spiraling thinking you’re being a selfish, shitty girlfriend.

[FM] Dressed as a French maid so my husband could put me in my place after teasing him all day

My husband Henry and I got married towards the end of July, and I quit my job on July 31 so I could have a couple weeks off before starting a new one. After finishing hundreds of projects I had been putting off for months, I started relaxing in ways I had been too busy or stressed to enjoy over the last couple months. The timing of *Avatar: The Last Airbender* arriving on Netflix couldn’t have been better.

Without a doubt, however, my favorite new pastime is infuriating Henry. He is still working from home, so he doesn’t have the same freedom during the workday that I have been enjoying. And, unfortunately for him, we recently discovered that he has a lingerie fetish. So what’s a newlywed to do? She buys a fuckton of fancy lingerie and mercilessly teases her new husband, that’s what she does.

Making Henry breakfast? Only if I can serve it to him while wearing a corset seconds before he has to log on for a meeting. Doing some light vacuuming around the house? Better run my hands up and down his body every time I walk by him. He always just laughed it off, adjusted his pants, and went about his day until 5:00, at which point he gradually peeled the lingerie off me and slowly devoured my pussy until I begged for him to fuck me. But one particular day. Mmm. One day, I brought out the big guns and broke the pattern.

[FM] Free use helped me orgasm while on a new anti-depressant

Anti-depressants aren’t a big deal! Tons of people are on them. But they aren’t always a perfect science, and there are times when someone is on the wrong medication or the wrong dosage and it leads to some less-than-fantastic side effects. Although my medication has since been straightened out, my dosage was too high for a couple weeks earlier in quarantine. My partner Henry was of course patient and understanding, but I was unable to orgasm either during sex or by myself for long enough that I became concerned and scheduled an appointment with my psychiatrist to adjust my dosage. My sex drive was significantly lower as well, and I hated that I wasn’t meeting Henry’s needs. At no point did he guilt me or express frustration over me never initiating sex or not being able to finish whenever we did become intimate, but it still weighed on me whenever I realized he had sneaked off to the bathroom to jerk off.

[FM] My long hair and my 21st birthday lead to the strangest sexual encounter I’ve ever had

Because of my April birthday, I was the last of my college friends to turn 21. As a result, we decided to fucking rage. At the time, my hair was the longest it had ever been; when I pulled it over my shoulders, it fully covered my tits a la *The Little Mermaid*. My hair is quintessentially Jewish in that I have huge brown curls that take for fucking ever to style and dry, and it was way more upkeep at that length than it was worth. But, it was striking, and I got a good story out of it.

My girls and I went out to a bar close to campus, all of us clicking along in stiletto heels with our skimpy party dresses on and our makeup done all fancy. We looked like the absolute stereotype of college coeds on a night out. And we had a fucking blast. The girls and I had pregamed in one of our apartments, and most of us were positively wasted before we even stepped foot in the bar. Once there, we split multiple pitchers of margaritas, giggling and taking selfies and shrieking whenever one of our favorite songs began playing over the bar’s speakers. My straight friend Karla and I began dancing together, flirtatiously grinding on each other’s thighs and laughing and whispering in each other’s ears. After a minute or so, I turned around, bent over, and began rubbing my ass against her. Karla cackled and grabbed my hips, grinding against me as I tossed my long hair over my shoulder and locked eyes with a stranger from across the room.

[FM] The first time my partner came inside me without any birth control

Although we are now taking a break for mental health reasons (so please don’t send me advice or congratulations related to pregnancy), my partner Henry and I spent the first couple months of quarantine trying to get pregnant. We weren’t strangers to condom-less sex, but I had never before had sex without ANY method of contraceptive or protection. I chalk it up to having a mother who gave me a comprehensive sex talk warning about pregnancy and STIs at a young enough age to scare me into complacency. As a result, Henry and I were in uncharted territory.

My appointment to get my IUD taken out was in early March, and Henry came along with me to hold my hand and take advantage of my gynecologist’s time by asking a fuck ton of questions about fertility and nutrition and safely conceiving. He distracted me during the removal with Vine compilations on his phone, the discomfort barely registering. None of the answers to Henry’s questions were surprising, but my gyno made sure to let us know that we could start trying as early as that afternoon if I was feeling up for it. Minor panic tightened in my chest. On our way home, I held the disposable heating pack to my lower belly and chewed on my bottom lip in silence, a million thoughts running through my head at once. Henry covered my hand with his and smiled over at me. “How are you feeling?” he asked softly.