Author: 3rdthrowawayisacharm

[FM] Me, Later

My now ex husband never hit me. Mitch had violence in his childhood, and I thought about that before we got married. “Oh no,” I said. “Mitch would rather die than hit me.” It was a chance I took; I brought a monster into my life and loved him.

I reexamine my memories, shuffling over the pieces of paper until they’re soft as cloth. Within 12 months of our separation my husband

* Showed up uninvited at my home
* Showed up uninvited at my new home
* Drove across town to surprise me at my morning bus stop
* Parked his car near my workplace in the daytime “so he could feel near me”
* Sat on my doorstep and waited for me to return from my pre-work neighborhood exercise
* Left presents at my door for me to find when I got home in the evenings
* Called–I always answered if I was home. He called, the calls eventually got into a cycle of him threatening to walk into traffic while we were on the phone. Read more »

[FM] tbh not that dirty, just like writing about my sex life.

The last time I swallowed a man’s cum was late morning on a Tuesday. Jesse’s just quiet enough to use his body, and the results were rich and warm.

Please pause before you message with words including “greedy cumwhore” or “good slut.” On the right day it’s wonderful, a little salty like butterscotch. Generally, too unctuous for my everyday, and I have no use for a gallon of it. A man’s cock in my mouth is annexed power, and for that 20 minutes, 45 minutes? Drool and coughing.

 

All of this is a love letter to myself, learning how to hold my cleaved self together. My favorite spot on me is smaller than a millimeter and on my upper left thigh. If you’ve taken a photo your friends and family tell you, “That’s a great pic.” Well, that’s how I feel about my spot. It looks like me all the way through.

My favorite snapshot of me is pink and has body curves piled high as a cumulus cloud. I lie on my stomach and run the back of my hand over my waist and ass, circling around my hips, feeling my soft skin. Read more »

[F/M] Don’t bang a woman who writes in a journal

The 26 year old fucked me hard last week, and left a visible mark on my neck. He did a new-to-us thing–pushing me against my door and putting my hands above me, like he was frisking me. He told me beforehand he wanted to do something like that while putting his hand down my robe. I gotta be me, so I wore a dress that makes me feel pretty and no panties.

He ate me a little–he’s lost interest in my body. He likes to cum, and he likes it in a disinterested way when I cum on his dick. I’ve been loved like an object before, and feel the shift in his brain. When he thinks about my body, he’s mostly thinking about where he can put his cock. Last weekend it was pronounced enough I stopped while we were having sex and put a blindfold on myself.

I’ve lost weight and I feel angular and awkward, all wet pussy and fuzzy hair. I stop and wrap a scarf around my head and tell him, “I’m not good at being submissive,” while I my hand goes around his dick nice and tight. He probably tried to push me onto my knees, with me resisting. He doesn’t force (correct choice, sir!) and there’s no doubt why I’m here in this room. I’m naked with a blindfold on, and he wants to push me down to suck his cock. Happy to oblige. Read more »

I’m doing this in reverse–a lovely symbolism because he did finish doggy-style [F/M]

I’ve showered and changed the sheets, and hours later I can feel where he’s been.
***
I’m looking over a pillow at Bilal, He preens and I understand it. He seriously considers sending his beloved car in his stead to social occassions, he’s figured out sexy sounding exercises, likes his apartment, his clothes, and gets fussy when I touch his hair. This guy might fall asleep looking in a mirror.
Bilal mentions a woman he was dating. “I don’t want those things. I love my father, my family. I’m selfish. I don’t want to worry about anyone. I mean I love my family and friends.”

“Yes! You’re selfish! And vain!” He laughs, and days later it pings I didn’t need to be the person to tell him he’s selfish and vain three minutes after orgasm.

***
He kind of wiped his evidence off me, then stopped. He’s spanked me and cum all over my back.

He stops or I stop–how, who knows? He’s got the condom on and is fucking me. He asks if he can cum on me, and then asks again. My silence and wriggling is interpreted correctly and he cums on my back. Yes, yes it’s good. When you/if you go astray I’ll tell you. Read more »

[F4M] Charming’s 2015

New noise heard: I was in the shower with Jesse. He’s not sweet, but he’s on his knees with his head between my legs. His shoulders and back are turning pink, and I’m feeling myself not care where I am. Every once in a while he lets out a noise, a whale noise that lets me know he might be drowning. It’s a perfect, lecherous sound I hadn’t thought to hope for. I push the hair off his forehead and wonder about other funny noises I can ask a partner to make.

[Do not cry for Jesse, for at some point in that day, he did visit my blow-hole. Heeeyyy-ooo!]

 

Je suis feministe: Let’s play the odds. You’ll be bigger and stronger than me. We’re two respectful adults, both looking to have an erotic hour or two. When a man says, “You’re the boss,” or “I’m down for whatever,” I feel you leave the room. I am left with all the responsibility for steering the erotic, and I feel flatfooted and dull. I am told “Charming, you would never be able to make me nervous or uncomfortable, I will always be interested in all sex–only stoppable because of your limits.” Read more »

[F4M], [F4M] Nice to meet you

        Bilal looks a little impatient, enough quirk, more flesh. He interrupts me, “You told me that before,” and that might be true because I can’t move past it. I stick a little movie in my head, his flesh, softer and drier than almost anyone else. Weeks later when I understand he’s as warm as a cedar plank in a sauna, something vital in me relaxes. This last time I remember how garlic was sharp in the room, and I can’t remember if he kissed the inside of my thigh or if I just wanted him to. I’m sure he would have, and isn’t that the point of these types of reminiscences?

 

        In bed I’m on my stomach and he knows to put that hand of his on the back of my neck and ask in my ear if I want to be slapped. I say no, I mean yes, but he and I talk so differently about the same goddamn thing that I think it’s best to keep it vanilla. We have not discovered any prolonged period of chemistry, and he likes not knowing me, keeping things a little role play and anonymous. He’s healthy and gorgeous and I might be the only legit weirdo in his bed. Read more »

F4M Bruise

I try my way in my bedroom, I’ve been buzzing and vibrating, classic Charming, no self-romance. After the second nap, and third orgasm, I stuck my fingers in deep, feeling how smooth and open I am. My skin is tingling and maybe I literally need to recharge.

 

No one asks these questions–I have had two serious marriage proposals.

 

Maurice couldn’t stay hard that night, and was maybe on the right or wrong drugs for the other parts of his life. I had been too tired to move off of him, and his fingers slid from my shoulder blade, and eased over to my waist and hip. He glazed over or became hyper alert when I talked about wanting a relationship with an equal. Maurice has a habit of blinking hard, fixing the one contact he wears. He’s a man of the people, and he’s a man with vanity. He was stunning younger, and remains charismatic and attractive now.

 

He tried out the words in the dark, and asked me to marry him. I felt that graceful body have a slight hiccup, and imagined his gratitude for all the miles between us and Las Vegas. Read more »

[F4M]Futons, playlists, and pussy

   I don’t expect to be on my back on a futon. We’re listening to music Jesse picked out for us. I feel my heart start to expand at this–this is what I will be doing in the old folks home. He’s biting, he’s going back the same spots over and over and I’m coming a little unravelled. I pull off my shirt and struggle out of my bra. He waits, it’s hot and he’s sweaty. Jesse's sweet, offering to obey boundaries, mentioning his past partners and their sexual abuse. I tell him I'm not interested in back story; only creation myth. Who the fuck am I? Who talks like this?

  Read more »