[https://archiveofourown.org/works/20347078](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20347078)
SAMPLE TEXT:
“DOOF! OW! D’OH! OUCH! EWW…” Courage repeatedly (but thankfully quietly) grunted in pain as he (sexually) excitedly tumbled his way down the ever-so-mouthwateringly fleshy and waxy internal slope of Katz’s collective right auditory canal, fascinatedly marveling at just how wonderfully and deliciously tender and pink the aforementioned flesh within said ear canal really and truly was (in addition to how delightfully long and squiggly its many, many adorable little hairs were) as he then finally landed face-first on the ever-so-beautifully hairy and wax-speckled floor of the blissfully unaware feline’s horizontal ear canal, warmly and erotically licking said floor with fetishistic delight and causing Katz to rather curiously (not to mention suspiciously and weirdly arousedly) twitch his right ear in response. Oh man, if ONLY he knew what was going on in there…
“I SAID, is your REFRIGERATOR running?” Di Lung suddenly brought his mouth ridiculously close to his phone and obnoxiously yelled directly through the phone line that said phone was now attached to into Katz’s right ear in his (trademarked) ludicrously thick Chinese accent, as a way of distracting said ear from potentially being able to pick up the sound, not to mention the incredibly ticklish feeling, of Courage’s fluffy little foot-paws going pitter-patter against the remarkably soft, delicate and sensitive inner surface of his horizontal ear canal; needless to say, he definitely felt the latter to an extent, but it luckily only provoked him into lightly scratching the outer funnel of said ear with his left index finger.
“Um…YES?” Katz rolled his eyes, rested his left cheek on his corresponding hand-paw (nearly causing Courage to fall face-first into a great big oozing pile of his earwax, naturally enough), boredly sighed, and then dug his way ever-so-slightly deeper into his right ear canal with his aforementioned left index finger (while everyone else at the Bad Guys Anonymous table, especially his Inner Perfectionist, disgustedly glared at him in response) as Courage frightenedly but deftly tiptoed his way past the feline menace’s last few defensive chunks of sticky, slimy earwax until he finally, at long last, reached Katz’s breathtakingly pearly and shiny eardrum (the light at the end of the flesh tunnel, so to speak), awe-strickenly gazing upon its truly wondrous and luminously sparkling natural beauty with his jaw firmly dropped and his mouth rabidly drooling with arousal as he did so.
“Well then, I guess you’d better CATCH IT! OOHOOAHHHEHEHEHEEH!” Di Lung obnoxiously-unfunnily laughed at Katz’s expense, suddenly using the Extra Volume enchantment on his OWN phone to amplify the obnoxiously high-pitched last few words (not to mention the also obnoxiously high-pitched closing laugh) of his sentence to such an unbearably extreme volume level that it actually managed to bust Katz’s poor, poor little eardrum RIGHT open (thankfully, Courage had brought the world’s most effective pair of earplugs with him in his personal Hammerspace so that the noise wouldn’t affect him), causing the poor cat bastard (that Di Lung had just abruptly hung up on) to miserably whimper, cry, moan and wail in absolute agony as his right ear canal began flooding with thankfully soon-to-disappear blood that Courage quickly waded his way through into Katz’s middle ear JUST before said eardrum could use the power of Toon Force to instantaneously, inexplicably regenerate itself.
“Hmm…let’s see here…how to navigate through the innermost workings of the feline-human ear…ah, FASCINATING…” Courage intriguedly mumbled to himself, pulling out “his” (Katz’s) cell phone from his personal Hammerspace with his right hand-paw and then immediately consulting its magically enchanted GPS app in order to ever-so-conveniently show himself EXACTLY how to get through Katz’s inner ear labyrinth while everyone else at the Bad Guys Anonymous table just mockingly laughed and jeered at poor helpless him (and also while the secondary wing-growing effect of Di Lung’s “sticky appendages” potion suddenly kicked in out of nowhere on Courage, causing him to grow lovely butterfly wings).
“I’M A LITTLE TEAPOT, SHORT AND STOUT; HERE IS MY HANDLE, HERE IS MY SPOUT!” Katz, suddenly standing up in order to help himself keep his balance, dizzily reeled back and forth and dementedly sang to himself as Courage rapidly flew straight through his semicircular canals and cochlea before finally being transferred directly through his vestibulocochlear nerve into the very (wrinkly) thing that he (and Di Lung) had REALLY been waiting to see all this time: Katz’s completely (not to mention cathartically) defenseless brain!
“Sweet mother of Courage, this poor little kitten is SERIOUSLY off his rocker! Now tell me, dear friend; are you going to calm down, or am I going to have to DISSECT that lovely little brain of yours and see what the problem is MYSELF?” the Cruel Veterinarian blushingly, droolingly, butcher-knife-brandishingly asked Katz.
“MMM…sounds mighty TASTY, actually! ESPECIALLY with a side of SCRUMPTIOUS green beans and torso organs!” Cajun Fox arousedly licked his lips, nodded his head and proudly agreed.
“OH, DEAR LORD, NO! ANYTHING BUT THAT, PLEASE! I’M BEGGING YOU!” Katz outstretched his arms WAY out in front of himself and frantically waved his hand-paws back in forth in a manic fit of absolute panic as Courage, who was now (surely enough) standing RIGHT in front of Katz’s violently throbbing brain, yanked out his ever-so-trusty walkie-talkie from his personal Hammerspace with his left hand-paw and then nervously contacted Di Lung through it while curiously licking Katz’s brain stem in order to find out what it tasted like.
“Hmm…tastes like CHICKEN!” Courage mockingly, smirkingly thought to himself as Di Lung rather annoyedly contacted the little mongrel right back using his OWN walkie-talkie.
“YES? What is it? Can’t you see I’m trying to jerk off to the mere thought of what you’re doing right now?” Di Lung exasperatedly (not to mention selfishly) scolded Courage.
“Well, NO, but anyway, as you could probably imagine from how much he’s currently freaking the fuck out, I’ve finally reached Katz’s cranium…so what exactly am I supposed to do with this big old ‘BLISSFULLY UNAWARE’ thinking muscle of his now that I’m in here, HMM?” Courage exasperatedly rolled his eyes and began frustratedly explaining to Di Lung in a very sarcastically nonchalant tone, briefly checking his foot-paws for hang-claws out of sheer boredom just to emphasize his sarcasm even further.
“Ya know how Chinese peeps like me always say that life, in essence, is really just great big mountain? Be winner and CLIMB IT!” Di Lung excitedly pumped his fists into the air and encouragingly explained to Courage.
“Well, here goes NOTHING, I suppose!” Courage hung up his walkie-talkie and hastily shoved it right back into his personal Hammerspace with his left hand-paw, then placed both of his hand-paws onto their corresponding hips, fourth-wall-shatteringly glared at his audience and depressedly sighed on their behalf.
“My God, it’s so biologically intricate and BEAUTIFUL…so deliciously soft, wrinkly, veiny and SPONGY!” Courage arousedly, droolingly panted and moaned as he gallantly, gracefully leapt onto Katz’s wonderfully towering brain stem and ecstatically began proudly and nakedly climbing his way up to the very TIPPY-top of his ever-so-delightfully-moist-and-scrumptious cerebral cortex, warmly and passionately licking up and down his OHH-so-yummy gray matter and even vigorously grinding and rubbing his ever-so-rapidly-hardening penis against said brain tissue as he did so.
“Umm…WHY exactly are you looking at me like that, brother? I gotta say, that shit right there REALLY don’t jive with me!” Cajun Fox nervously, right-index-finger-waggingly warned Katz, who was now teasingly resting his right cheek on his corresponding hand-paw and ever-so-romantically-teasingly glaring at him.
“FUCKING HOITY-TOITY BRITISH FAGGOTS! I always KNEW that God hated you all!” Eustace shook his left fist at Katz and furiously yelled at him while Katz was too busy being indirectly mind-controlled by Courage’s incredibly erotic stimulation of his cerebral cortex to even notice the grouchy old bastard.
“There IS no God, can’t you see?” Kitty defiantly pointed out, shrugging her shoulders and throwing her arms out beside herself in a “Hell if I know” gesture for added emphasis while Courage finally made it all the way up onto the left/right hemisphere gap atop Katz’s brain, got down on all fours, and then finally began vigorously thrusting his diamond-hard penis directly into said gap (slit, if you will).
“Cold, hard proof, ladies and gents, that when east meets west, it’s SEXY!” Di Lung VERY cornily quipped to his audience as he began furiously masturbating while a large group of window-shoppers that had just recently gathered around the front door of his Invention Shack disgustedly watched.
“OHH…OOOH…AAAAH…AHHHHH…” Courage orgasmically moaned with arousal as his penis rapidly approached its sexual climax, causing Katz’s OWN sex drive to suddenly go COMPLETELY out of control!
“You know WHAT, jolly young chaps? I do believe I’m getting the need to feel the BREEZE be-TWEEN my NIPS!” Katz hornily teased Cajun Fox, stripping himself utterly buck-naked from head to toe (in other words, removing his tuxedo) and eagerly approaching said Cajun Fox with some of THE most positively intense sexual desire that he had EVER experienced in his entire life!
“PUT YOUR GOD-DAMNED CLOTHES BACK ON, YA FOOL!” Cajun Fox disgustedly shoved Katz away from him with both arms and very hypocritically yelled at him.
“It’s extremely indecent to let yourself be seen like that in public, see? (Yeah, it’s very rude, ya know!) {What do you MEAN, it’s rude?}” the Clutching Foot disappointedly scolded Katz for his admittedly obscene behavior (also despite technically being naked himself) while Benton merely wondered where to put a scene like it in his next movie.
“Don’t say we didn’t WARN you two to put those damned SCHLONGS of yours away!” the Cruel Veterinarian ominously growled at Katz and Cajun Fox, brandishing a great big pair of weapons-grade hedge shears with both hands as he did so; meanwhile, Kitty gained a remarkably increased level of appreciation for her own cripplingly raging penis envy.
“READ THE DAMNED BIBLE, YA FAGS!” Eustace shook his right fist at Cajun Fox and Katz and bigotedly yelled at them while Kitty shot him a downright nasty death glare in response.
“OHHHHHH, THE THINGS I DO FOR LO-(random unintelligible gibberish)-VE!” Courage shrieked at the tops of his lungs in pain as the massive sperm-stream that he had just ejaculated from his penis ended up conducting the electricity from Katz’s brain in addition to the massive amount of static that was already being conducted through his fur, electrocuting the living shit out of him as well as making all of his hairs stand straight on end and frying him into a neatly charred living crisp.
Source: reddit.com/r/eroticliterature/comments/d11jrz/katz_the_cowardly_cat_mm_mf_furry_cartoon_mind