It was in the middle of a whirlwind summer romance. You know the kind-Just food and sex. We were crazy about each other and at 20 we didn’t have nearly enough self control.
Fast forward to the day of….the incident.
We were driving back from school (Community college-She was working on getting into the nursing program and at the time I was working on trying to sort my life out) and she gave me her non verbal sign (Unbuttoning the top button of her jeans and spreading her legs oh so slightly) that she was itching for a romp. We pull over (and jump into my backseat (Blacked out windows were my first investment in that car) and start going at it. (We went to a designated remote hideout. No chance of being interrupted or any surprises)
Now, to fully understand the situation I need to explain a personal habit we had developed with each other. I shall attempt to do this with as much taste and class as possible so bear with me. After my lady had climaxed and I was nearing my “Point of no return” I would squeeze her hips firmly twice so she could position herself to ingest my testosterone and lust juice.
However this time when I squeezed her hips she did not turn around. I squeezed again and yelped “Jesus Christ honey!” She then jumped off and began to make the transition. At this point I had a vice grip on my cock and was praying to every God I knew of for the strength to hold on just a few seconds more. Alas…It was not meant to be.
As I looked down to see her mouth rushing towards me my grip failed and I knew I was done for.
The velocity and violence that the nut made impact with my left eye was alarming. It straight up hurt. I had jizz all over my face, my chest, my hair, and the roof of my car.
When the shock began to wear off I notice my girlfriend crying with laughter, rolling around on the seat next to me and, I shit you not, she gets out of the car-more naked than dressed and sits by my tire and shakes uncontrollably with laughter for a good while.
For the rest of that relationship she called me chief Red-Eye.
TLDR-Had sex. Stared down the one eyed snake. Lost. Gf nearly chokes and dies from laughter.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/a0i101/mf_the_time_i_shot_myself_in_the_eye