Camille sat up at her table at Starbucks a little bit every time the bell hanging over the door rang. Navy suit with a red tie the email had said. She wasn't sure what he'd look like, she'd just responded to the ad on campus. It had been a simple flyer. Just a piece of paper on a bulletin board:
"Seeking attractive, young, intelligent female for important finance work, PART TIME"
The ad had contained a number. The number was answered by a man who took her name. A few hours later a call came and she was given an email. She sent her resume and was given a time and place for the interview. Camille had resisted the urge to get up and leave half a dozen times since she'd been waiting. She sighed. It was always nerve-wracking waiting for an interview and Camille had had too many go poorly recently. Pursuing her doctorate in political science was absolutely time consuming and though she needed the money and had a bachelors in finance there were too many interviewers who thought she wouldn't have the time to work.
The other part of her desire to leave was the request for attractive and young. Most of the time those qualifications were included the job usually meant receptionist. However, she needed the money and she was out of pride. At age 26 Camille fit the part of young, as for attractive, she certainly didn't hate herself. 5'3" and with long straight brown hair and green eyes, Camille was the type of girl who could get hit on frequently at bars if she took the time to go. She'd never thought of herself as a supermodel with her smallish breasts and short height but she worked out daily and dressed well. Maybe that would be enough.
Camille sipped her latte and decided to give her mystery interviewer another 5 minutes. No sooner had she made the decision when the door rang again and a gust of warm California air blew in. She looked up and spotted a man perhaps 30-35 years old wearing a navy two button suit and red tie. She stood up awkwardly behind her chair and extended her hand.
"Camille Jones" She shook his hand firmly. He was tall but not towering with close cut brown hair and blue eyes. He was attractive she decided, a good pick for a hiring manager at a company.
"James Camden" he responded with a smile, "A pleasure to meet you." He gestured towards the table she had stood up from and they sat. She sensed out of the corner of his eyes that he was sizing her up, and she could tell he didn't stop smiling, good start at least.
"You won't know my name Ms. Jones, because I've paid to keep it that way. You also likely won't believe most of what I say. I just ask you to keep an open mind. As I said, my name is James Camden and I am worth around 22 billion dollars."
He smiled again as Camille's eyes widened.
"I feel like I would have remembered you studying finance!" She exclaimed.
Camden laughed "Of course, summa cum laude from UCLA, I'm sure you were more than up to snuff on your current billionaires. However," he jerked his head out the window towards a black Lamborghini licensed CAMDEN, "I assure you my net worth is a closely kept secret. My offer is simple, take it or leave it as is, no negotiation."
Camille nodded,
Camden continued, "I require someone of your age and looks to act as a bellweather in the fashion industry, unencumbered by a severe budget. I plan on making a foray into the industry and I need you to clothes shop for me every day. Keep the receipts. I'll give you 5,000 dollars a day" Camille's eyes widened again, "keep whatever you don't spend. Shop as you would normally. I give you no other constraints."
"Sir…"
"James"
"Mr. Camden, James, please excuse me if this seems too good to be true. I, well, is there a catch?"
"Candidly put Ms. Jones. There is a catch. I would like you to live with me." Camden noticed Camille tense and he smiled, "Nothing so lurid Ms. Jones. You would have your own room and your own car. You're free to come and go as you please. I just want you to share breakfast with me in the morning to talk about your shopping. The rest of the day is yours. You can terminate our arrangement any time you like."
"I'm not sure…" "At least come with me to my house so I can show you around, if you still aren't sure then I'll let you off the hook, no questions asked and I'll even transfer the first 5,000 to your account as a gesture of good faith."
Camille hesitated, she never took risks, and always took time to make good decisions. However, she'd love to move out of her dingy studio apartment. Her friend Liz always told her to take risks. Lizzie had been the one who encouraged her to apply for this job.
"Okay James."
"This place is amazing!" Camille told James as she walked inside. She was starting to accept everything swimming through her head as real. She'd checked her bank account on her smartphone on the ride over and her pitiful bank account had been fortified with a 5,000 transaction. The house was huge and perched on a cliff overlooking the Pacific. Its black exterior, hidden solar panels James had told her, belied the spotless white interior.
"I'm glad you like it." James said, "My room is on the opposite end of the building. Your room is here." He said leading her down a hallway off the main foyer. "You have your own bathroom. That Lamborghini is yours to use." He said putting the keys on a night table. "I understand you have class in the morning, so your can shop in the afternoon, I just ask that you join me for breakfast at 8:00 AM….if you're still interested?"
Camille smiled, "All right let's do it." James smiled and she shook his hand.
"I'll arrange to have your things moved in. If you need anything here is my cell number, please call me, the help is under instruction to avoid interacting with my guests. If you're hungry just pick up this phone on the nightstand and food will be brought to you. Please forgive me but I have business." He walked out of the room. "Goodnight, Miss Jones."
"Goodnight James" Camille's head was swimming but she was exhausted. She laid her head down and closed her eyes.
"These are the pills, Dr. Stone?" James asked the man standing in his foyer, the clock nearby reading 2:10 AM. "Yes sir," said the other man handing James a box. "500 of them. Just dissolve one in her drink at the same time every day and they'll begin to work immediately. Exactly as you requested." "Run through the drug's progression again, I want to plan this out." "Yes sir. The drug, as you requested has a the basic effect that is immediate and a few that strengthen over time. From the first pill she takes she'll experience a dramatic increase in libido and sexual sensitivity. The drug, provided no doses are missed also functions as birth control. As she keeps taking the drug the following effects will manifest. She will become increasingly susceptible to suggestion. Over time, this will develop from a more persuasive effect to an almost command like power. Make sure she is interacting with you as she takes the drug and that effect will manifest as to your suggestion and command. Given even more time this effect will dominate all her decisions and her choices will become yours." "Meaning…" "Meaning that after a long enough time taking the drug she'll defer totally to you for all decisions and run other people's suggestions by you for approval." 'Excellent Doctor."
"The Drug isn't without side effects sir." "Such as?" "Short term memory loss, a dramatic perhaps catastrophic and permanent reduction in overall IQ, and an almost toxic increase in her overall energy levels. The last effect will likely cause her mood to be almost permanently cheerful. The drug is almost certainly addictive. Her fatigue will be immediately noticeable if you remove her from it. I also have no long term studies for the drug sir."
"That's alright, it sounds perfect."
Source: reddit.com/r/Erotica/comments/1qjzp4/the_transformation_chapter_1_this_is_my_first
Maybe this is cliche (and it’s something I sometimes do), but it might help draw in readers early if you begin the story with something brief and sexy that occurs later on in the story, then you jump back in time and ease readers into how the ‘earlier’ situation came to be. People are the internet are lazy (I would know :p) and tend bail on unfamiliar things quickly when browsing a few things at once (you’ve probably got a few tabs open right now, right?) , so a brief preview of excitement to come might make them more likely to keep reading through the setup! edit: Also, I read the story. Pretty good! Nice descriptions of things, and most of the sentence structure seemed good. One odd part that stood out to me though, was : >The ad had contained a number. The number was answered by a man who took her name. It felt a little strange, but it’s hard to put into words why. Maybe because both sentences started with the same word and felt a bit… I don’t know- mechanical in a way I didn’t notice in the rest of the story? Maybe try combining that into a single sentence and see if that works? Also, more paragraphs in that conversation! I think each new person talking should have a paragraph was the rule, or something like that?
I actually don’t mind at all that nothing sexual has occurred. I liked a slow build and jars tee development.