[MF] My 25yo hot sociopatic side-chic

It’s probably not going to be short, but I’ll try my best to keep it as entertaining as possible.

Last summer I met a girl (for the sake of the story let’s call her Sunshine) and we had a blast. But I mean it was a fucking gong show! Can I say fucking on Reddit? Meh. Drugs, drinking, partying, sex (a lot of it), adventures and other crazy shit that a month before I wouldn’t even imagine doing. I’ve spent somewhere between $30,000 – $50,000 in 6 weeks and it was the most fun I had in years.

A bit about myself: I’m in my mid 30’s, married with kids, fairly successful, intelligent, witty, fit and very territorial. I have an Alpha personality. I am not a sociopath but actually quite the opposite and funny enough is that my ability to be able to relate to people is what allows me to understand, love but also to manipulate them.

I do have a history of cheating but was loyal to my wife for the past 7-8yrs (yes, I got married at a very young age). Even though I cheated on her and I hope not but might cheat again, I do love her and no matter what happens, I will never leave her (and I know that she would never leave me either). Yes, it’s very easy to judge others but we all are fucked up in our own ways. I believe the sooner we learn how to concentrate on our own fuckedupness instead of judging others, this world will be a better place.

Anyhow, last summer the wife and kids were away for a couple of months and I knew that it will be the perfect opportunity for me to get the “itch” out of my system type thing. I met Sunshine online but prior we had the chance to meet in person we conversed via texting for nearly a month. For obvious reasons I was using a fake online account (name, age, etc.) but she figured it out and to be honest, I didn’t put much effort into hiding it. I came clean and told her everything about myself but lied about my wife and I having mutual understanding about this.

She still decided to meet with me. She was trying to push the date for the weekend, but I insisted on having it as soon as possible (as I had better plans for the weekend, weather it’s with her or another girl I already had lined-up). On date night I drove to pick her up from her place and even though I saw quite the few of her pictures before, when I saw her in person I was blown away. I literally got nervous and I don’t get nervous even when I speak at conferences in front of 5,000 people. She is about 5’7”, blond, fair skin, beautiful face with a devilish smile and super fit. I’ve greeted her, gave her a hug and complemented her on her looks, we hopped in my car and drove to the restaurant we agreed on. She was very easy going and allowed me to take the lead with food and drinks. We had steaks, a bottle of wine, few old-fashioned and a decent conversation. I don’t know how but later on that nigh, we ended up doing blow, hitting a strip-club and fucking in my car. I’ve sent her home in a cab (didn’t want to drive as I was under the influence) and we kept texting each other for at least an hour after. I realized that I’m catching a sever case of feelings but decided to go with it. She already was super fun and hot and the emotions just multiplied my experience of her.

On our second date (few days after the first) I took her to a weekend in a resort and after that we spent pretty much every single day together. She was hot, fun, easy going, very open minded, sharp as a razor and sex drive of a horny teenager. I loved our head games, she was the only girl I’ve ever met who I consider to be an equal in this sense. She learned on the go and challenged the fuck out of me. Did I mention the sex? Yeah, it was amazing! She likes being dominated, tied, slapped, pinched, scratched and the cherry for the top of the cake, she also liked girls! According to her, girls were only good for sex but when it comes to relationships, her preference are guys as girls can’t give her what guys can (no, it wasn’t a D reference ?).

She let me in her life. I met her friends and even some of her family but wasn’t able to determine how meaningful her relationships with these people are. I know she has tons of acquaintances but her best friends live in other cities and she gets to see them only a couple times a year. I also learned that she likes collecting guys and have few puppies that would do for her anything anytime. She learned pretty fast that I’m territorial as she witnessed me knocking out a couple of guys (I don’t like violence, never to be the one to initiate but I will also not allow anyone to push me around). So her story always was that she’s not interested in anyone else except me. I do suspect that she may fucked another guy once the time we spent together but have no way of proving it. Even tried manipulating her into admitting but there’s no fucking way anyone can get anything out of her unless she wants to get it out. Or if she got caught with undeniable evidence, in which case her strategy changes automatically and she become the victim, very cute and lovey dove or comes up with another solid excuse.

From the beginning I was able to recognize that she mirrors me very often. Hindsight, it was this fun because everything I was throwing at her, she was throwing back at me. I was treating her like a queen and she made me feel like a king. I knew she enjoys my company and thinks “highly” of me as she loved introducing me to her people (associating yourself with strong people make you look strong) but the more time we spent together the more I realized that I don’t actually know how she feels about me. Which didn’t really bother me because I was having a blast with her. I also assigned it to my insecurities of not being loved and figured that I’m just projecting them onto her. Honestly, if she told me that she is a full-blown sociopath my feelings for her wouldn’t have changed. I learned to love her the way she is, and a textbook definition wouldn’t change anything for me. Most likely it would’ve done the opposite and make me want to know her even more. The fact that I feel that I don’t know her real self is what makes it so much easier for me to let her go.

We texted each other for hours every single day. A lot of fun mental games and super entertaining conversations. The more we talked, the more she opened up. She told me that she uses people to learn and when outgrows them, she moves on. On the other hand, she also told me how her biggest issue is seeing people just as a way of gaining something and she’s trying to avoid from doing that.

I’ve tried poking at her being a sociopath. I told her about some of the decisions and business moves I’ve made, which reflected sociopathic behaviour and followed with sayings like “I’m pretty sure I have sociopathic tendencies”. First time I’ve done that, she just listened and nodded. The second time she responded with “yes, you already mentioned that”. It was quite of a surprised as usually in situations like this she would mirror me and use this to strengthen our relationship by saying that she also has these qualities. On another occasion, I’ve said how terrible sociopaths are, but she kind of defended them (I don’t remember her exact words).

When the time to “breakup” came, things started going sideways. Although from the beginning it was communicated from both sides that this is a temporary thing and we will cut it off at the end of summer, neither of us wanted to let go. I broke up with her several times, but each time caved in after few weeks and resumed our relationship. Essentially, I can disconnect emotionally from her but the only way I know how is by destroying her in my head (analyzing her behaviour in each of our interactions, identifying character flaws, negative qualities, turning qualities that I love about her to negative, etc.). The downside is that it’s taking away from the experience, making it less real in a way and this is not something I want to do in this case. I would like to treasure her as perfect and preserve the experience. So I tried making her to breakup with me but no matter what I’d say, she had a comeback and just wouldn’t. I knew I could ruin her perception of me by making few lies and twisting some of our experiences but that’s not an easy task for someone with an ego such as mine ?. I also truly loved her (still do) and didn’t want to hurt her.

It’s been nearly 8 months (9 including the first month of texting), numerous failed attempts to have her to breakup with me and several times of me caving in and contacting her after breaking up with her. Finally, about 3 weeks ago realizing I’ve tried everything that I can think of, I’ve made the few lies, twisted some of the truth, got her super mad and got dumped. Her last words before blocking me were “this is me cutting you off”. I got blocked not only on our usual outlet of communication but also several other social media profiles that we never actually even used before for communication purposes. It really pinched but also made me feel a relief in a way.

Funny thing is that it took her only 2 weeks to unblock me and start texting me again. According to her “she saw me with my family, got freak out and had to contact me”. She is very good at pulling me back into a conversation as she changes her strategy instantly based on my response. The combination of my feelings towards her and boredom definitely don’t play in my favour in this case.

We met up for a drink this Friday after work and of course ended up fucking. I supposed to go over to her place tomorrow and we got some plans for the weekend as well.

I wonder if I’ll be able to do something about her or should I just accept the fact that sunshine is not going anywhere?

All comments, opinions and advice are welcomed.
[cheating]

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/85r82v/mf_my_25yo_hot_sociopatic_sidechic