Downing Abbey – Chapter 12

**(Lucas)**

*I love you.*
*I love you.*

Again and again the three words barreled through my mind.

Those words came from *my* mouth.

There wasn’t much I was afraid of saying. Cross-examining witnesses was a sport to me. I probed and found where it hurts, and then I dug my heel in with all I had. I probably deserve an affiliate cheque from all the therapists I’ve sent work to over the years, but I felt like I needed to see my own right now to understand the simultaneous fear and elation that was battling within my stomach.

When I was younger, I thought I knew what love was. It was hugs and kisses and flowers, not because it was Valentine’s day, but because that’s what people in love did. I liked the idea of it, which is why I thought Tammy and her auburn hair was love. It was why I thought Pamela and her beautiful paintings was love. But after I dug my head into love’s ass and found nothing for me on the other side, I spent the a few years playing wingman for Jacob.

Though I never indulged in women like Jacob does – that boy goes through women like a diabetic needs his insulin shots – I’ve seen enough to think that love wasn’t in the cards for me.

A liver-related warning from my physician meant no more bar-hopping, so I devoted all my efforts into my career and numbed the loneliness with either five miles on the treadmill or two hours in the weight room. I didn’t bother with love anymore, telling myself I wouldn’t make that mistake again. Never once did I come close to a heart, and I thought I had lost all of mine.

That was all before Abigail.

I looked over at her, deep asleep with those whistling breaths I found so cute. I had made a secret video montage of moments like this I captured on my phone. Though we spent nearly every night together, nearly wasn’t enough, and I found that video to be the only thing that put me asleep when she wasn’t around.

Though my preference was still a ball-busting orgasm as part of my nightly routine.

But it all scared the shit out of me. I could normally use my mind that had been honed from reading endless by-laws and regulations to logic through most things. There was a clear path towards every objective, and that was useful for holding my emotions on the backburner. I was good at keeping people at a distance, and I thought that’s how I liked it. I thought that was how it would always be for me.

But if I was being honest with myself, I wanted this.

I wanted eating ice cream together at midnight. I wanted Sunday mornings where we just stayed in bed until the growls of our stomachs forced us out. I wanted her quippy remarks, her pixie sneeze, and the perfect way her body reacted to my every touch. I wanted everything, and I wanted to give her everything, and that included my emotions.

A pang of anxiety ripped through me, and there it was, that fucking fear.

‘Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We will be beginning our descent so I will ask everyone to put on his or her seatbelts at this time. Local time is ten-forty pm and the temperature is sixty-three degrees. On behalf of Jet Blue Airlines and the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future and welcome to Los Angeles International Airport!’

The intercom must have woken Abigail up, because I felt a hand squeeze mine. When I looked over, she was giving me a groggy smile, hair in her face in that beautiful untamed way and I couldn’t help but smile back.

And my fears?

Nowhere to be found.

_________________________________________________________

‘That was the last time I spoke to him,’ Cheryl muttered. ‘And if I never see him again that’ll still be too much.’

I crossed off the final question that was written on the clipboard and exchanged a loaded glance with Abigail. We had been digging through Cheryl’s brain for nearly two hours and while that was the last question on paper, we weren’t leaving without giving ourselves every chance to change her mind about trial.’

Time to turn on the persuasion.

‘Thank you Cheryl, that’s more than sufficient in terms of piecing together the backstory,’ I said, setting down the clipboard. I smoothed my tie before saying, ‘But I must ask you about your possible testimony.’

She sighed and shook her head, and compared to the fresh-faced daisy she looked from the case file, the deep-set wrinkles in her frown told me far too much about how she spent the past six years. ‘We’ve been over this on the phone Mr. Brimstone,’ she said, annoyance blatant in her tone. ‘I hope you didn’t expect your physical presence to change my mind, because I’m afraid I’d have to leave you disappointed.’

I held up a palm and nodded. ‘Yes, of course I understand your position Cheryl – ’

‘I don’t think you do,’ she snapped, an angry river of a vein splitting her forehead vertically. ‘They all said “I understand, I understand.” No you fucking don’t and I wish people in suits would stop telling me that!’

All my one-liners and smooth words flew out the door.

I covered my mouth with two fingers and averted my eyes, nodding to inform her I was still listening.

She continued. ‘You have no idea what it was like. The regret for not seeing it coming. The months of not being able to even see myself naked. And the accusations, fuck, the accusations. Did you realize my husband at the time, who I was *trying* with, left me because he thought I was lying about the whole thing? The last thing he said to me before he slammed the door in my face was “I bet you wanted it all along”.’

I tried to, but I couldn’t look at her. I knew it was impolite but I could only scan the room around her frame until my eyes landed on a painting on the wall behind her, depicting a gray genie arising out of a brass container. If my last question was that genie, I wish I never let it out of that oil lamp.

Apparently, I was runner up to Brett Saunders for douchebag of the year.

‘If it wasn’t for the biker who stayed with me on that bridge for hours until I calmed down I’d have been on the newspaper the next day as another suicide statistic,’ she said tightly, trying to hold it together.

Abigail rose and folded her into a secure embrace, cradling Cheryl’s face in her arms and almost immediately, Cheryl began wailing like we weren’t in a public diner. Confused looks and stares hailed upon us from all angles, and I shifted my position to cover most of their sightlines with my back, wondering what else I could do.

I sat there feeling like a dud in a suit as I listened to the cries and watched the way Abigail caressed Cheryl. Abigail noticed me rise but motioned for me to stay put. I signaled the busboy to present our check – this wasn’t going anywhere productive – and he shot me a nervous look.

Cheryl’s outburst wasn’t gentle or half-assed; this was a full on meltdown. It was something about Abigail’s touch, the way it made you feel okay to let go and be vulnerable. She was caressing Cheryl with such delicacy you would have thought Cheryl had stage-four osteoporosis. Combine that gentle touch with those nurturing instincts and she’d be amazing at handling sensitive, blubbering people.

Like children. *Our* children.

*Fuck, get it together Brimstone.*

As Cheryl’s wails slowly descended into muffled sobs, Abigail whispered, ‘Of course none of us know what it’s like, but please don’t blame Luke. He’s coming from a good place in his heart.’ Abigail released Cheryl’s head and squatted down so that she was looking up at her, blouse assaulted black from eyeliner. ‘I don’t – I can’t know what that was like either. Not even close.’

Cheryl nodded and mouthed ‘thank you.’

Abigail sighed and enclosed Cheryl’s left hand with both of hers. ‘But I do know what it’s like to be violated. I was luckier than you, but the same man targeted both of us. And that fucker is still out there.’ Abigail’s eyes burned a hue of blue I’ve never seen before. Her typical tint darkened, and her gaze was so sharp it could cut steel. Cheryl’s eyebrows were furrowed, and though the frown was still smeared on her face, Abigail held her full attention.

Mine too.

‘We were probably not the first Cheryl,’ Abigail murmured, moving a hand to Cheryl’s wrist and cutting into her with that loaded stare. ‘And we certainly won’t be the last.’

Cheryl took a sharp breath and looked away, down at her own feet, and I noticed the tiniest of nods from Abigail. It wasn’t for Cheryl – she wouldn’t be able to see such a minute gesture. It was a message to herself, a confirmation that she had found the pressure point.

She would have made a fine lawyer.

*And she would make an even better mother.*

My coffee must have been spiked with something strong.

‘You can take action, Cheryl. You have the power to make a difference,’ Abigail whispered with a hint of desperation in her tone. She knew that she would have to come from a position of weakness to make Cheryl feel capable, courageous enough to agree. ‘Men like him, they don’t stop. Think of all the women that would be unfortunate enough to cross that fucker’s path in the future,’ she beckoned. ‘You can send that asshole to a prison cell where he belongs.’

Cheryl began shaking her head, muttering, ‘I don’t know Miss May, I don’t know . . . ’

Abigail clasped a hand onto Cheryl’s shoulder and their eyes met, and then Abigail hit her with the line. ‘You have a tragedy in your heart, but you’re stronger than you think. Your story is powerful Cheryl. Don’t let that story die without serving it’s purpose.’

How can *anyone* say no to this woman?

_________________________________________________________________

‘Incredible. You were fucking incredible Abbey,’ I said as I waved my hands in the air, forgetting about the steering wheel.

‘I know, but let’s make it back without pulling a Paul Walker,’ she warned, controlling the wheel herself. ‘She agreed Luke. She’s coming to trial in a few weeks.’ The smile in her voice was undeniable and while I was confident going into the meeting, I was all but ready to fold before Wonder Woman jumped in.

I wrapped her up with a kiss as we pulled up to a red light and said, ‘It was all you Abbey. You’re the reason Cheryl agreed, and you’re the reason that perverted cocksucker is going to spend a significant amount of time in an orange jumpsuit.’

*And you looked like the perfect mom.*

‘What did you just say?’ she asked slowly, as if she was wondering if she heard wrong, and our eyes met – did I say that out loud? A blaring horn reminded us about the green light, breaking that tension, but it took a minute of silence before we both called out simultaneously.

‘What I meant –’
‘I’m sure you meant –’
‘You were a natural –’
‘I was just being myself –’
‘It just came out –’
‘I think you said “mom” –’

I laughed out loud. ‘Fuck Abbey, your mouth is faster than this rental Corvette,’ I grinned. ‘I think you need a cock in there to settle it down.’

She threw me a mischievous grin and tucked a few strands behind her ear. ‘I think that can be arranged. But first I need a drink. Get me acquainted with our minibar and we’ll talk.’

‘Agreed, but let’s skip the talking part,’ I growled, gripping her thigh with enough force to send her a promise of what’s to come.

She clasped her fingers around me, and the four hundred horses roared abruptly from the jolt in my foot. ‘Then shut up and drive.’

__________________________________________________________________________________

If the grey goose on her breath wasn’t a fucking turn-on, those blue traps she called eyes boring into me as I shot down her throat certainly was. Consistently incredible sex meant added pressure, as I was always nervous our next session couldn’t hold up to our last, but fuck me running, she surprised me every time. I tasted myself on her lip as she hovered over my limp figure for a kiss, and the graze of her supple breasts on my chest was enough to get my mind on one thing only: Reciprocation.

But first, a quick wash.

‘Shower,’ I commanded, but all the authority left my body as I watched her cheeks roll over her thighs with every step she took towards the bathroom. Every time I tried to assert control over our sessions, I was always betrayed by my own biology. I thought that I had all the cards, but she consistently reminded me that she held all the chips.

She liked the water near boiling and the bathroom turned into a sauna every time she took a shower alone – though those occasions were few and far between. But I like my water ice cold. We settled on lukewarm, and though I wasn’t familiar with the concept of compromise, the way her nipples perked as the water hit them was worth it every time.

‘Shit, I thought I could hold out until we finished here,’ I groaned as my hands coasted over her breasts. I explored every part of Abigail’s body, but I could never get enough. I was always touching her – a hand on her thigh, an arm around her waist, a shoulder up against hers – and as sure as I was about the sun rising tomorrow, I was sure I *needed* to be close to this woman.

‘Did you expect us to get clean without getting a little dirty first?’ she mused. She swiveled her chin towards her shoulder, peering back at me, and that look said “Fuck me now and fuck me well and Luke your cock is so big.”

Okay, maybe not that last part, but given that she’s told me that on multiple occasions, I didn’t think it was a stretch to assume.

One firm strike to her ass was all that was required for her legs to widen, and I made a mental note to thank the front desk for upgrading us to the Executive Suite with the plus-sized shower.

Though I wanted nothing more than to ram into her and feel those sweet walls tighten around me, I wanted this to go slow, sensual. I realized long ago that our tenacious libidos always steered us towards fast and hard, and while I didn’t see that changing anytime soon, I wanted tonight to be different. I wanted to tease her, to savor her.

‘What the fuck are you waiting for Lucas?’ she moaned and that sweet sound reverberated off the glass walls in the most decadent way. ‘Hurry –’

Another hard strike to her backside hushed that tongue. ‘Patience, cupcake,’ I rumbled. ‘You’ll get what you want.’

The tip of my cock was complaining for entry, and I knew this would be as much torture to myself as it was for Abigail as I pressed against her folds gingerly, slowly rubbing vertically. Her hands were pressed flat against the wall, and I cracked her rear once more before finding her clit. Her head reared back and the arch in her back should go down in textbooks as the angle of desire, as I cracked her other side, staining it pink.

‘What the fuck are you doing to me?’ she mewled, knees bent together and pigeon-toed. I didn’t respond, instead I dipped the first inch of me inside, and my teeth nearly shattered from the clench of my jaw that was required for me not to go all the way. She made a sound I’d never heard before. It was one part squeal, one part gasp, one part groan, and *all* need.

She reached her hands around to the back of my cheeks and I had to fend off her attempts to push me right inside. Waves of spasms devoured her and her breaths were erratic and shallow. She was like a pop can that’s been shaken for far too long, the slightest opening would be enough to cause a blow. This is what I wanted – keeping her at the edge of the cliff for as long as possible.

But both of us had been kept long enough.

I bent over her quivering body, hovering my mouth right next to her ear and whispered, ‘I love you,’ as I crashed into her in one, deep stroke, and her shrieks of release filled the entire fucking city.

The finish came faster than I expected and my balls were still six shades of blue, but it didn’t matter that I hadn’t finished. I wanted to please her in every way possible tonight.

‘You deserved that one baby,’ I murmured against her as she melted into me, legs failing her. ‘And so much more.’

‘I need to lie down,’ she croaked hoarsely, and I could almost hear her thundering heartbeat.

I turned off the water and helped her into a robe, and as her head lay flat on my chest with my hand exploring her wet hair, I realized that she never once said those three words back to me, but for some reason I didn’t mind. She didn’t need to say it for me to know. I could feel it with every touch, every smile, and every look. She was mine, and I knew that thought could pull me through anything.

All at once, a tsunami of calm swept over me, and I realized my worries were so completely unnecessary. We had passed through each layer of the atmosphere when in all reality we should have fell. But somehow, we didn’t. Somehow, I hadn’t completely fucked it up.

And now we had left orbit, where we couldn’t fall anymore.

And how did I react to that realization?

I licked her until she was begging for more.

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