The worst dude I ever hooked up with [FM]

I’ve written about some shameful acts, but I’ve avoided this dude specifically. Someone asked if I had written about every consistent sexual partner of my past.

All but one…

*I am not proud of this. I even thought I’d skipping this story because it’s a little bit of weird of an introduction. Not only are y’all about to see what an ass he is, but also how anal I was about STD checks. I thought about changing the reason I kicked him out, but, fuck it, let’s get real.*

I met this fucker playing trivia. Low and behold he was a fellow lawyer and we immediately fell into a state of mutual hatred. He was arrogant, sexist, self-righteous, and annoying. He once told me he was worried about my biological clock. I wasn’t even 25.

The best part was that he was faking a southern accent. He had lived there for four years during college and magically picked up a stronger drawl then me, even though I had lived in that region all my life. I called him out on it, and he got pissed… Although magically his accent went away after that.

He tried to explain his brand of cowboy boots to me and I told him the very unflattering nickname we had for them in my home state which implied he was a poser.

*The man was from a city in Massachusetts, ok? He was a wannabe good ole boy.*

The worst thing about him was that he was pretty fucking smart. The two of us carried that trivia team on our backs, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t defer to him. His recall was impeccable.

*I’m fairly certain everyone on our trivia team thought he was insufferable, but he was so damn good we couldn’t kick him out. I’m also fairly certain everyone was slightly amused by our dynamic.*

Onetime after trivia the two of us got into a yelling match over a Supreme Court case. We got so heated I didn’t notice how long this encounter lasted or that we were four drinks in. When we closed out we continued yelling at each other and I didn’t notice he was walking down the street with me.

*I’m going to pause for a moment and say, this dude was hot, but not my type. Apart from being a finance bro who posed like he was from the South, he was also just too… gelled into place. Something about him made my skin crawl.*

Finally, I broke out of our fight and asked why he was following me and he looked confused.

“I’m walking you home, obviously.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a bad part of town.”

It was not a bad part of town but that didn’t stop him from following me all the way to my door. We argued outside for a while longer and then I finally turned to go inside.

“Can I use your bathroom?” He asked as he followed me in.

I scoffed. “Seriously? Are you trying to sleep with me?”

He burst out laughing as if this was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard. “What? That wasn’t me hitting on you. Jesus, you’re weird.”

“I’m weird? You walked me home and invited yourself in. I wasn’t being presumptuous.”

He did actually use my bathroom and then had “just one more point” before he left. So we kept arguing on opposite sides of my couch.

I don’t know why I did what I did next. On every level but physical I was repulsed by him, but I’ve been attracted to plenty of people I’ve turned down on principle. I honestly think it bothered me because he literally laughed at the thought of hooking up with me. If that sounds immature it’s because it was immature.

Also, I wanted him to shut up.

When he was mid-sentence, I kissed him and he pulled away with half a smirk. “Wow,” he finally noted, “I’m flattered.”

“Oh, fuck off. Get out of my apartment.”

“You sure?” He laughed.

“Yes.”

He nodded slowly and smiled. “By the way, I was trying to sleep with you.”

We lunged at each other after that. Holy fuck, I’ll always remember the way we collided. It was a lot. My arms went around his neck and his went around my waste. He pulled me into his lap so I was straddling him, and I’ve never felt a dick get hard so quickly in my life. My breath immediately grew hot as he moaned and pulled me closer.

We weren’t exactly kissing so much as, um, biting each other. He bit my lip so I bit his. Then he put his hand around the back of my neck and squeezed, so I burrowed my hands into his shoulders until he cringed. Then he bit my neck and I cried out.

We went on subtly pushing each other like that as I moved my hips to feel the length of him.

Our hips were grinding pretty fucking hard. So hard, in fact, I was straight up pulsing between my legs as I drove into him. He had a very large penis, which was practically trying to break its way out of his fresh-pressed khakis.

“You like being in charge?” He asked.

“Huh? No.”

He pulled back and looked alarmed. “Really? You’re so… abrasive and controlling.”

“Only around you. I’m an extremely chill person.”

We went back to grinding on each other and making out. This time he put his hand in my hair and started stroking it. I put my tongue in his mouth and felt an odd urge to attack. It was fucking weird. Theoretically it should not have been hot, but sticking my tongue down his throat while he moaned into my mouth was fucking sexy.

“I’m not going to sleep with you,” I groaned as I pulled away.

“You said that earlier.”

“I mean it. I don’t sleep with people without an STD test.”

“I have a condom.”

“I don’t care.”

“You are indeed SUPER chill,” he groaned as he pulled me into him and made me whimper. “Can I touch your chest?”

“Yeah.”

He put his hand up my shirt and I started shaking as he smiled and inched to my bra. He moved his thumb along the bottom gently and moved it back and forth. “Can I go under?”

I nodded as he slid his hands up and I bit his lip again when he reached my nipple. He played with it and then cupped my full breasts and squeezed. My body responded and the room spun a little. I thought nothing could take me out of the moment until…

“Can you slap me?” He asked.

I didn’t see that one coming.

*So I’m about to stereotype them fuck out of something, but finance bros all just want to be slapped and/or blown in public. Perhaps my pattern is not indicative of the entire field, but I have a decent sample size.*

“I don’t do that,” I laughed.

“Why?”

“I don’t find it attractive. I’m way more submissive in bed.”

“I want you to and you find me attractive though,” he said through whispers as he twisted my nipple and made me cry.

“I’m not sure I do.”

“You’re humping my dick right now and I’m feeling you up.”

*He had a point.*

He continued. “If you slap me, I’ll choke you while I get you off with my fingers.”

“What?”

“And I’ll get an STD test so I can fuck you against the wall next week.”

“I don’t know if I want to fuck you.”

“Let’s see if you’re wet then. Prove me wrong.”

So I slapped him.

I had slapped folks playfully in bed, but it was never really my thing. I don’t think it is my thing generally, but I must say I enjoyed slapping this dude. It was about time someone did it.

I slapped his fake tortoise shell glasses right off of him and then he asked me to do it harder. I let my hand fall across his face again and his face lit up with a smile as we stared at each other, both out of breath. He squeezed my breasts again so I brought my hand back down across his cheeks

Every time I reared my hand back he called me a bitch and asked for it harder. I channeled my old dom and suddenly understood why he was so into turning my ass cheeks red. It was weirdly satisfying bringing tears to this dude’s eyes.

Finally he grabbed my hand and smiled. He looked weirdly sated. Honestly, with his disheveled hair and genuine smile he was actually super fucking hot.

“You’re good at it,” he finally said. His face was turning bright red as he brought my hand to his mouth and kissed my wrist.

“It’s not usually my thing.”

*Why was this working on me? I don’t know. He wasn’t my type, I hated random hookups, and I hate dominating in bed. This was working though.*

“What’s your thing, Viola? Are you as uptight as you seem? Because I assumed you fuck like a robot.”

*Btw, I really am known for my chillness, damn it! I get mean around assholes.*

I brought his fingers to my mouth and sucked one slowly, forming my lips into an “O” as I slid his finger down my throat and tightened my mouth around him and sucked. I watched his eyes roll to the back of his head as he squirmed a little beneath me.

“I fuck like an animal,” I laughed.

*Lol, one of my better lines.*

“Shiiiiiit,” he chuckled as he tried to compose himself. “I have to fuck you.”

I shook my head.

“What if I said please and that I always use a condom?”

“When did you last get tested?”

“Like a year?”

“Fuck no.”

He groaned as I pulled myself off of his lap. I laid across the couch, put my legs in his lap, and shrugged.

“We are going to fuck, you know?” He smiled.

“I don’t know that. I’m putting a solid ‘maybe’ on this.”

He grabbed my foot, tore my heel off, and started giving me a massage that was oddly sensual. “You want to or you wouldn’t tell me to get tested.”

“Maybe I’m worried about your health.”

He shot me a smile that sent that fun familiar pulse back in between my legs. He actually was sexy when he wasn’t a total ass. “You’re not worried about my health. You kind of hate me. Can I at least stay the night?”

“No.”

And to my surprise, he really did leave, but not before he announced he looked forward to fucking me soon.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/y54ec3/the_worst_dude_i_ever_hooked_up_with_fm