It’s a very long story, so please just read if you are really interested (I think it’s a very interesting one though). We’ve been together for 11 years and married for 5 years. My wife is also the one I had my first (and only) sexual interaction with (same counts for her AFAIK. Proud!). I have always been the one with a higher sex drive, but lately this has changed positively, we’ve kind of lined up. I’m 28, she’s 27, her amazing fit body hasn’t aged a day, even after having two children, so even when pleasuring myself 99% of the times I have always imagine her. We have some homemade stuff as well, but sometimes it’s enough for me to just watch a picture of her, doesn’t even have to be a nude. Until this point I think all of this is alright (right?).
Now about the things we do and don’t, I’d sum up that she’s pretty conservative: we have our few fav positions that we mostly repeat and the last 5 years we’ve had like 99% synchronous orgasms, we’ve tried anal a few times back in the days “when we were young” , but I’m kind of thick and she’s a petite, so we never really got through with it, because it’s (as I see it) a lot more pain than the expected pleasure, so we just stopped really trying, I’ve sometimes “tried” her, while in a comfortable position and really aroused, but it’s always instantly a no go. She’s not a fan of giving oral, but sometimes (like once in a few months) she does it, I guess out of love, out of happiness to see that I get a lot of pleasure from it, she does love getting oral, because I can always make her cum, I don’t get why she sometimes refuses it though. I’ve tried talking with her about it, but she’s like “I just don’t want it”.
I’ve always been the jealous one, I guess because she’s a 20/10 and I think I’ve rather become a 4/10 from a 7/10 based on looks. She’s given me a few signals (at school age sending kiss emojis with a guy, I was mad when I found out, but she said it was friendly kisses (they never flirted or anything so I believed her), another time (after we were together for 3-4 years) where I thought she might be cheating (you might say I was overreacting, but that’s how I felt) like chatting with some colleagues that she told me were picking up every female at her work and this one particular guy was showing “special interest” in her (yeah, I read the chats, please don’t blame me)
him: “what are you doing?” her: “I just came out the shower”, him:”I’d love to see”, her: some smiley that’s neither a “I’d like to show you”, nor a “I’m in a serious relationship, don’t bother”(what I would expect) she never showed him though, at least I don’t think so unless she deleted that part. So after reading this I didn’t confront her yet, I decided to “stalk” and see what comes out, hoping she would say something, also actually her colleagues knew very well that she’s in a relationship, because I’ve been picking her up from work a lot of times.
So one day he wrote to her “It was very nice the other day and send her a kiss emoji” she replied:”yes” (just that, no emojis, no emotion, and I was instantly hyperventilating, he then wrote “we should have gone to a hotel, like I proposed to you”, then she replied:”I think you got it wrong, I’m in a relationship and I feel you are nothing more but a friend to me”, hmm was I relieved, maybe, but still, I needed to confront her and I had to know what “was very nice”. She didn’t expect that I was following the chat, so she was a bit shocked at first, she told me that she really feels that way – that he’s a nice person, but nothing more than a friend, that he drove her and her best friend a few times from work home, because it was like 3-4 a.m. and I was working myself.
She never gave him any signals, then I said “but you never did him any signals in the opposite direction either, did you?”. She told me this one time he was talking about she was without her BF and they just sat like 15 minutes in his car and talked, then he proposed her to go to a hotel or bar with him, when she told him they’re and never will be more than just friends, but now when I put it like that she realizes how wrong it looks from aside.
I was very confused, because from knowing her I believe she (nor me) ever had any interest in other women/men, also we’ve been together from a very young age, building towards our future and don’t expect her to just throw away all of this because of foreign intimacy (which she never really showed a need for anyway), also she was always very friendly with men/women, but not flirty, so I told myself she was probably just trying not to be rude and naive in believing a guy that likes her (that is actually married with children, but as I said picks up every woman at their work), could stay calm and just be her friend. Then she told me she would break up all communication to him if that’s what I wanted, or if I wanted she could move back to her parents until I decide how I feel (we moved 3 years before that to a distant country, all on our own – so this was like “I am very sorry this happened and I am ready to endure the big consequences of my mistake.”)
I told her I don’t want either of that, I just want her to understand she needs to show her clear position, that she has no interest in any of that, because if I misunderstood it, then obviously a man who doesn’t or knows her way less than me would 100% misunderstand it. They broke their friendship totally after that, I don’t know what she told him or anything, but he was the one ending up blocking her on social media. Shortly after that he and his friends (of this kind) were all fired for s.abuse at work. Let’s say we were over this, I tried never bringing it up again, but sometimes it unintentionally slipped out of my mouth and she was always upset about it (obvious).
Like 1 year later or 5-6 years ago I bought her the first toy, before she would orgasm like 70% of the times, but after that it became a 100% (using it on her clit, while we have sex). I thought it might spice up our sex life and make her want more (remember when I said I always had a higher sex drive. I don’t know what is “normal”, but sometimes we would have periods of every day sex for a week straight, other times we would have periods of 3 weeks zero interaction) That didn’t really change because of the toy, lol (what was I expecting). Now to the big topic of today: What did change is one night when she was pregnant with our first, I was looking for something and accidentally bumped into her browsing history. Oh boy, my world collapsed for a moment.
So my conservative wife, that didn’t want to have sex very often, didn’t want anything out of the ordinary, was watching categories like: bbc gangbang, abdct and r_pe, madhouse bdsm, she even watched “I spit on your grave” in between… obviously it was part of the turn on. I didn’t know where I was and where that came from. Then I was obviously overwhelmed by all kind of fictional thoughts like “OMG is this child even mine”, “she’s probably not content with our sex life and gets it elsewhere” etc etc. stupid 23yo me (btw I am well build/hung, so at least I wasn’t worried about the size, lol).
Obviously the next day I confronted her and she told me 1. I’m totally out of my mind of getting so upset about something so natural and 2. What does the category matter, it’s not something that she would ever like in real life, she doesn’t even imagine anything with herself being in that position. She countered me with “you masturbate, right? I also just need to blow off the steam sometimes” Then I was like “well I masturbate because we don’t have sex, I’d rather do that instead, while if you want something I’m always here” blah blah blah, when I think about it now – stupid arguing. We had never watched porn together before, casual sex, maybe a romantic movie with an erotic scene, but nothing more.
Before that I have watched these categories once or twice, but I wasn’t really a fan of that. Once I had time to rethink our arguing and I found out that those just turn her on, I instantly turned that fear/anxiety/jealousy into my own kink and got obsessed with watching just that. Then I took that part into my own hands and the next time we had sex I proposed to put on some porn, I put on one of those categories on purpose. We both came instantly, lol. Not that it hadn’t ever happened before, but it was like a mega booster. So we watched and we watched and we watched a lot of that at that time (almost 10/10 times we did), but didn’t discuss any of it, because I know she doesn’t really like sex talk.
Slowly we’ve really reduced watching any porn up to the point where it’s 1/20 times. This kink of mine – wanting to share her, has become so obsessive, that recently (like 6 months ago) I dared to talk to her very cautious about it during sex. We were watching dp/mfm and I was like “do you like what you are seeing, would you like that to happen to you” she was horny but still her answer was like “It does turn me on watching it but I don’t imagine myself doing it.”.
A few times bringing it up like that, and once she replied “Maybe, but you wouldn’t want/allow that anyway” then I was like “why wouldn’t I, if you are getting pleasure by it, I would do even more”, then she was like “I can’t imagine myself doing anything with another person than you” (which is very sweet, but kind of unbelievable, right? Although I’m madly in love with her, I’m not sure I could say no if she proposed something like I did to her). I pushed with further questions, I don’t know if she just replied because I wouldn’t let her alone or if she was giving into it. She was like “If I had to/if I did, it would feel even worse if you are in the same place/room” I asked why, she replied “because I would feel guilty”. I asked how about if it’s a 100% mutual consent and I get off by that a lot, she replied “Maybe, yeah”.
Damn I was exploding inside and outside. So with every next time I tried to push further into her mind, where she had never really let me in so far. Then one time I asked her “what kind of mfm would you like to have: dp or oral + vaginal”, obviously anal is a taboo for us so her answer was “If I really, really, really had to have a threesome I would do oral and vaginal”. I instantly imagined how that would look and feel, mm… My sexiest wife on earth finally being shared like in most of my fantasies for the last few years. I’ve asked questions like “is there any mutual friend, or maybe even someone I don’t know you would like to have a threesome with”, she’s mostly dodged them or the answer is no. Sometimes she even gets mad that “I only talk and ask questions while having sex”. So one time I told her I am at the same time very aroused by the thought, but it also feels like a heavy weight on me, if she had an idea how I could “heal”. She didn’t have a clear answer.
Even before I’ve always wanted to share some kind of sexy picture of her with a friend, I’m not sure about the exact reason, but like “can you see what I see, she’s the sexiest woman on earth and she’s so to speak mine and mine only”, but not wanting to be immoral with the love of my life. I’ve also had periods on tumblr, where I go through all those kinky blogs with hotwife, stag & vixen, sharing, mfm, cuckold (although this category is probably the most distant, because if we ever did something in that range, I’d never be able (and wouldn’t want) to resist joining in, I also feel like an alpha male, so humiliation would not only be a turn off, but probably even get me mad, lol. So on one hand I would love us to get into a threesome (probably nothing more in real life), but we have our situation that we are in a foreign country and feel distant to the people here anyhow, let alone having intimacy with them.
I’m not sure my wife even has real interest in it or just gives in to please me, which will result in a fail if we did it for real. This also sounds more like AFAIK her – what would she get from a real threesome – she dislikes oral, anal is a taboo…? On the other hand I want to get rid of this heavy weight, because every time I think of sex with her I start imagining these things (mostly impossible – real dp) and I feel like it has more of a negative impact on our/my sex life overall. (I feel like writing “The guys who are interesting in her looks – chat me up and we’ll have a nice fantasy chat about her/us”) and this just feels so wrong… :(
If anyone feels any part of my story as a part of his or has any advice I’ll take it!
Thank you for taking the time to read all of that.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/xdyt5n/i_have_a_dilemma_about_my_fantasies_with_my
Quite a long tale.
People like toys. But in the long run toys do not improve a couples chemistry. Not my words, but from my MD friend that works with sexual therapy for couples. The thing is: our fingers, tongues and dicks will never give out the same level of stimulus of an eletric motor inside a toy. This in turn will pump the threshold for excitement and orgasm higher. The more you use a toy, the less pleasure you feel with a finger, tongue or dick.
There is one exception where a toy makes a bit of sense :
Doggy anal. My hand cant reach the clit. So either get a female to suck her clit or a toy. Personality i just get into spoon position or ass diving position and finger her clit into orgasm. Anal is so much fun when i touch her clit.
But this kind of game doesnt happen very often. If she motor drive her clit with a toy to often, soon enough she will not have much pleasure with my fingers.
About porn: one watches what one watches. The important thing is talking about it. Always. Maybe you should watch more blowjobs with her, to prime her into.
My wife used to come 2-3 times when i gave her oral. But over the last years more often then not she just say she isnt interested, moves into spoon position and get the job done. I feel terrible, because i have never said no to anything she tried to do to me.
Maybe ladies here could enlight us about it: why refuse oral from a man that knows How to give you an orgasm during oral?
About adding people into the relation: this only works If both desire it. A lot. Do not tag along If this is not what you really want.
More often than not people do this trying to solve a problem and end up adding more problema into the relation. FMF and MFM only works well with couples that have already good sex lives and both want to try It out.
Not a story
Interesting lots to think about. I’d explore more oral and possible anal too. before I’d add others