[MF] I literally “fucked your mum”

Thought I’d write down this fairly funny encounter I had post lockdown. It’ll be short and sweet because it really was just a one night thing.

Just coming out of lockdown and finally feeling like I could go outside without dying of turbo SARS I was feeling pretty good. At least that was until I decided to pick up some groceries at my local Asda (shitty U.K supermarket known for being cheap and cheerful). Just as I was finally coming to a conclusion about whether I should buy cheddar or some weird sounding french cheese I found myself assaulted by a shopping trolly wielding midget doing a runner from his mum.

After resisting the urge to punt the little cunt down the dairy aisle after listening to the little bastard get gobby, I was about ready to seriously lay into his mother about responsible parenting when I realised she was what we like to call in London “fit as fuck”. I’m talking your stereotypical British young single mum in London, long blonde extensions, big tits and a tight little arse with an accent that may someday driver her future husband into throwing himself off a bridge.

Doing a complete mental 180 the moment she started apologising I of course became the patron saint of patience and understanding. After I’d let her know that “kids will be kids” and chatting about how hard being a parent was, she of course let slip she was a single mother. We chatted for a while, I laid it on thick about how much I respected her and left with a phone number and a big fucking bruise.

I’ll cut the boring stuff but after frantically googling who the fuck Joey Essex was and stealing a fair few love island jokes off the internet I was in. I knew I was probably going to get laid off our first date, mainly due to pictures she kept sending me of her bedroom. Oh and her being half naked in them was probably another sign.

I took her on a pretty nifty little date to a local fancy tapas place, mainly because I knew she’d probably wear something tight and revealing if we ate out. After avoiding everything with garlic and buying as many glasses as wine as I could she was very much in the mood to take things back to her place.

The moment we were in the door I had her against the wall, going at her neck and trying to rip that tight little dress straight off her body. She pushed me back telling me “what if my son sees” and all that nonsense. Luckily with her being about 5ft I picked her up and caveman carried my prize to her bedroom.

It was kind of weird she made such a fuss about maybe being found out if we fucked downstairs, considering the moment I had her pressed underneath me while I fucked her from behind she started screaming and swearing at the top of her voice. Honestly that turned me on even more, hearing that chav accent moaning fuck over and over again as I kept railing her into the bed. We fucked for what felt like hours, she had some serious stamina and towards the end I was starting to wonder if I’d die of a heart attack before she was finished.

Seeing those long blonde extensions and fake tanned skin fly up and down as she rode was a near religious experience. I could tell she had experience from the way she moved every inch of her body, rocking back and forth while digging her nails into my shoulders. Finally I got her off by rubbing her clit with my thumb like my life depended on it, resisting the urge to blow my load myself I pulled out, yanked my condom off and covered her tits instead. Even with protection I wasn’t going to risk being daddy number 2.

Our relationship didn’t last any longer than that night, it was pretty obvious she was too different. Plus I didn’t want to get lumped with a little bastard as a step-son, anyway there it is short and sweet.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/v657qw/mf_i_literally_fucked_your_mum