I made a throw away account because I need some advice. I will spare some of the details but me and my husband share a reddit account and I don’t want to post it on there for him to see. Our relationship has been a bit patchy to say the least, but I found a few things out last year that upset me but I’m working through them. Or trying to anyway. I made the shared reddit account because I discovered he had an account he would hide from me. He would get nudes from people send nudes ect. and watch porn among other things. He would speak with anyone and everyone, men too.
He had other sites he would visit and his profile said he was bisexual so I brought that up with him and he just told me he got more attention that way, but I wasnt so sure. Him talking to other people broke my trust. After a few arguments he said he will stop and deleted it, cool. But after looking through his phone any chance he wasn’t looking I found a new account made just two week after he deleted the old one. So trying to be understanding and reasonable first before irrational, I said we should make an account together, talk to people, post photos together. I did it because I wanted to be like the girls we was talking to. And we did, it was great, I posted photos but I loved it for all the wrong reasons.
I loved it because when I felt so unattractive people loved my body. I loved it because thousands of guys would tell me they want me and I wanted him to know what he has and how thousands of other men would step up and take what he obviously didn’t want. It helped our sex life I think? Everytime I would post a sexy photo we would go to town. But I found he also has porn subscriptions, now I’m no prude. I watch porn but I’ve never payed for it everyone watches it but that wasn’t why it bothered me. What bothered me was the amount he would watch and where. He would watch it at work, his job consists of him driving to his accounts and he would watch it in-between almost every stop, he would watch it when he would get home before every shower, when I would fall asleep ect. I also offered a few times throughout our relationship to watch porn together but he always told me porn was weird and he didn’t need it because he had me ,yeah right.
So like the rest I brought It up, he said he would cut back and we even watched porn together a few times. He did cut back a little but it seems we are back into those same patterns he started clearing his history again and sorta hiding things from me just recently so I started checking his phone again. And he has 4 paid porn subscriptions maybe even more. He visits them daily and I don’t know how to bring it up. These sites arnt cheap. One has a free 7 day trial that I hope he’s planning on canceling once it’s over but I know him. The thing is with this site its a Threesome/Bi only site so that brings me back to my earlier thought of him being into guys. I do know he has a fantasy about having a threesome but I would never be ok with it guy or girl unfortunately. I know porn is different sometimes we like to watch things we wouldn’t do but I’m usually the one that watches MMF not him. Could he be into men? Or just fantasize about it in a threesome? Idk..The other sites are Pornhub, Brazzers and a porn comic site. These would all total about $93 a month….
So my questions are, how do I bring this up without him feeling betrayed I still look through his phone because I don’t trust him when I say I do. I want him to feel he can make his own private choices but money is always a big deal to me and I feel as a team thede things should be discussed together. And for the guys is this normal for you to watch this much porn and pay for it too especially if you are in a relationship. Porn is free everywhere. Also I should mention he use to pay for subscriptions from girls on that site I can’t mention because it’s considered promoting here. But we made one of those pages together too because I wanted to be like the girls he was paying for. But turns out I like the one on one interaction with fans. I don’t know what else to do anymore. I feel like I’m not needed honestly and I’m definitely insecure about my body. I don’t want to fight anymore about the same things over and over again. I dont want him to be mad I still go through his phone because it gives me peace of mind.. but I’m honestly defeated. I don’t want to over react over something that’s normal. But I’m just not myself anymore and sex feels well, like sex. We just do it to do it and not because of the connections, or so it feels. I can’t compare with the porn..
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/uz34pp/f_26_when_does_porn_become_a_problem
I know some people don’t think sex addiction is a thing. Being one myself, I would say porn can quickly progress to cheating and divorce as it did in my case. I would suggest continuing to voice your concerns and even consider having him go to counseling if you feel it is jeopardizing your marriage. Hope this helps.
Alright. I’m glad I read this post. I am bisexual and a diagnosed sex addict. Fortunately, mine does not manifest in infidelity but rather compulsive need to get off. It sounds like he does indeed have a problem and would likely benefit from therapy. I also found certain medications can help a lot, but he might always have compulsive needs.
I think porn, like most things, is fine in moderation but can be dangerous for folks like us. I don’t watch it because I have ethical issues with the industry and it wasn’t good for me. Now I write and read erotica and it’s much better generally for my spirit.
I think you need to communicate boundaries and it’s perfectly reasonable to say you don’t feel comfortable with his online sexual habits. When I started posting on here my husband and I had a really long conversation about it and I basically told him he can read anything I post at anytime. I generally don’t talk to individuals on private messages because to me that’s crossing a line and feels like cheating if the convo turns sexual. A good rule I set for myself is if my husband did ever decide to read any of my posts or messages, he would be surprised or blindsided.
Everyone has to find their own lines. I think y’all would benefit from a couple sessions of couples therapy to find what you both feel comfortable with.
Good luck. I’m sending love and light your way.