[F] I (F45) had a secret affair for 8 months. It revitalized my sex life with my husband [PART I: Background]

This is a story I plan on telling slowly and at great length. I’ve already said that this writing is a chance for me to self-examine aspects of my life, particularly but not only the choices, feelings and consequences surrounding my 8 month affair with a younger colleague, which took place about 5 years ago. The short version is that I had a wild affair and never got caught. One of the consequences was feeling guilty ever since, but it’s worth mentioning that I’ve never regretted it. It taught me a lot about myself. It also had a renewing effect on my sex life with my husband, who I love dearly. So before getting to my adventure with Keith, I have to write a bit about my life with my husband Scott.

I met Scott in college. He was that guy, the beautiful carefree man that girls would whisper about. He was tall and strong with black hair and green eyes and crazy long eyelashes. He had an easy way of moving and talking to you. His nickname on campus was obviously Hot Scott. He had a reputation (well-earned) as a player. When we started sleeping together when we were both 23, I honestly couldn’t believe it, though I think I was pretty attractive myself (feels weird to write that). Anyway, I would never ever have believed that we would get married and have two kids. Hot Scott didn’t seem like the marrying type.

Our relationship wasn’t always easy. Scott was used to women finding him attractive and he wasn’t super good at ignoring the attention. I know he cheated on me at least a few times (I didn’t catch him red-handed, but I found evidence and he confessed after I confronted him). This made our first several years tough, trust was an issue, even though things were otherwise quite wonderful. Scott was kind and loving, and he was a magician in bed. He knew exactly what to do with my body, he was insatiable and he had incredible control. He could apparently fuck forever, but as soon as I’d say I wanted him to cum he would cum, as if he could do it at will.

Anyway, you know what happens. We moved in together, got married, got careers, had kids… I had (and still have) a pretty exhausting jobs teaching 10 year olds in a public school, and I often stayed at work late preparing for the next day. Scott was getting very involved in his career. So we stopped having sex every day, then it was twice a week, then less. The weird thing about sex with Scott was that we never talked about it. That was kind of on me. I felt uncomfortable opening up about my desires and it weirded me out when Scott would try to talk about his fantasies or ideas for new things to try. He tried to get us to talk dirty and I clammed up completely. I think that was one of the problem with having such an easy, spontaneous sex life at first: we were so good at just doing it without talking about it much, without learning each other’s limits and areas of intrigue, that when things started cooling down we didn’t really know how to move to new territory. So things got kind of repetitive and routine. Our lovemaking was still physically amazing, but it didn’t fully engage my mind. You could say I could get aroused and have orgasms, but I was less and less often hungry for it.

I think Scott felt the same, to be honest. He definitely wanted more sex than we were having, for a while at least, but over time he stopped asking as often. I don’t think he sought it elsewhere. I just think his hunger was less intense. It occurred to me that he might have flings when he went to conferences and stuff, but I have no evidence that this was the case. The idea of this upset me in a vague way, but I wasn’t obsessed with it or paranoid.

This makes it sound like pretty bad, but actually our lives were and still are great. We had fun, and when we had sex it was great. Scott had a vasectomy when we were 37 and once that was all settled we had a bit of an uptick. We had always used the withdrawal method (stupid, I know, but remember that Scott had amazing control) so the freedom and intimacy of not having to worry about getting pregnant gave us a boost for about a year. But things kind of slumped again. It wasn’t a tragedy. I didn’t feel deprived and if Scott did he didn’t let on.

That’s the context for what happened a few years later. We turned 40. I found this to be a pretty hard milestone to reach. I had always felt beautiful and comfortable with my body, and for the first time I was starting to see signs of age. I worked out a lot and did a lot of yoga, but my body was still changing. My boobs lost some of their firmness and fullness, my butt got a bit heavier, there were small lines at the corners of my eyes. I’m pale (think Jessica Chastain’s complexion and hair color) and lots of time in the sun had its effect. For the first time I started feeling that Scott’s cooling sexual interest in me was a problem. Not that I wanted to have sex with him all the time, but I started feeling that I wanted the kind of attention I got in the first years we were together.

I started noticing other men. I started daydreaming about having sex with people we knew. It would have been nice to explore self-love at this time, but I had never masturbated before and though I wanted to try, I found I couldn’t get myself to do it. I had mild crushes on acquaintances, but I had always been 100% against infidelity, so it never seemed like a real possibility until I met Keith.

About five years ago, Keith was hired for the year at my school to replace the art teacher while she was on maternity leave. When a man is hired in an elementary school, there’s a kind of buzz because most of the staff are women. Keith was also unlike the few men we worked with. He was young, for one thing: I guessed 27 or 28. (He was 28.) He was cool, well-dressed in an effortless way, and he was good looking, like very good looking. Tall, slim, with thick blond hair and a short neat reddish beard. He looked like a modern Viking, if Vikings taught painting and collage to little kids. Teachers were exchanging looks when the principal welcomed this newest staff member. This was about mid-way through September. People joked that he and I looked like siblings. It was true our colouring was pretty similar. He became the subject of my daydreams, but I never ever expected it would ever become anything more.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/u33z2w/f_i_f45_had_a_secret_affair_for_8_months_it