That interview y’all were waiting for [FF]

V: Do you want a fake name?

M: Call me Master.

V: …

M: What?

V: Ok… How do we know each other?

M: *Laughs* in a biblical sense.

V: Dude stop. How did we meet?

M: In college.

V: How long did we date?

M: The lines kind of blur. Idk. That was before you were out so things got complicated.

V: Have you read my stories?

M: The ones about me.

V: What did I get right and wrong?

M: I am far hotter and much better in bed than you described.

V: I’m being serious.

M: I am too.

V: Was it weird reading them?

M: TBH a little. I felt bad. I didn’t mean to fuck with you like I did.

V: Wow. A serious answer.

M: Yes.

V: Why did you?

M: …Jealousy?

V: What?

M: Yeah I think I was jealous of your double life. That was never an option for me.

V: Why not?

M: I don’t know. I struggled being around men. Not to sound conceded but I got hit on a lot and hated constantly rejecting without explanation. It finally just got easier to come out.

I think I resented that you didn’t struggle with that. I saw you holding hands with [redacted] once after you spent the night with me and it made me feel small. I didn’t like feeling that way, so I fucked with you.

V: I’ve never heard you talk like this. It makes me sad.

M: Me too. That’s something else you got wrong though. I don’t know if we would have been toxic together if we didn’t live in [redacted].

V: Fuck [her real name].

M: Call me Master.

V: I’m being serious. I never saw it that way. I’m sorry.

M: It’s ok. You know you also got our threesome wrong.

V: Which one?

M: The one on your birthday. I’m pretty sure 90% of it was just us fucking as your boyfriend watched. He didn’t mind.

V: He did not. What was the best sex we ever had?

M: Oh V…. All our sex was good.

V: I know. I’ve only found that a couple of times in life.

M: Me too… I used to like it when you were mad though. You’re pretty chill so that presented a challenge.

V: Oh, you could make me mad.

M: Have you written about when I made out with that guy you liked?

V: Nope, I’m still too pissed.

M: Yeah but we had GREAT sex after. Do you remember that? It was the closest I’ve ever seen you to being a switch.

V: Yeah… fuck you.

M: It’s KIND OF funny.

V: Kind of.

M: Ok so you know what story I loved? The one where I told your ex boyfriend off. That guy sucked. It didn’t happen how you wrote it though.

V: I had to condense it. Sometimes it’s hard to write without a backstory so I take artistic liberties.

M: You’re a good writer. I remember thinking you could do anything. It was actually weird reading about your perception of me because I always kind of thought of you the same way. It doesn’t surprise me where you ended up because I always thought you were better than [redacted]. I’m glad you got out.

V: What’s the worst sex we ever had.

M: You know what it was.

V: Tell the story.

M: The second time we hooked up you started crying because you thought you were going to hell. That was fucking weird, V.

V: I had religious trauma.

M: Well I now have trauma from my girlfriend crying when I was halfway through eating her out. You got over it though.

V: Have you ever hooked up with a man? Like not in a threesome setting?

M: If they pay me enough.

V: …I can’t tell if you’re joking.

M: A couple of times. I got curious. It’s not for me. I have a question for you, have you ever watched my Only Fans?

V: No.

M: Why?

V: I’m married, bro.

M: Do you not watch porn?

V: No, not anymore. I read erotica instead. I have moral issues with the industry. Besides, that’s different because you’re my ex.

M: [Your husband] wouldn’t like it?

V: I wouldn’t like it.

M: Ok, ok. Why are you being short?

V: Because you’re being sexual.

M: Yes. How dare I get sexual on a sex blog where you’re interviewing me about our sex life.

V: I hate you.

M: You adore me.

V: Yes I do.

M: Have you ever fucked a partner more frequently than we did?

V: Are you just interviewing me now?

M: My questions provide valuable insights.

V: Honestly? Once.

M: Jesus. Man or woman?

V: Man.

M: Poor guy.

V: He had a higher sex drive than me.

M: Again, poor guy.

V: What’s the difference between V and Viola?

M: Maybe it’s just the stories about me because you were so young, but you seemed insecure. You’re the most confident person I’ve ever met. Also, do you write about your husband?

V: Sometimes. A lot of times I just say he’s my ex because it makes it easier.

M: That’s interesting.

V: I know.

M: I ask because he’s the only man I’ve ever seen you with where you ACTUALLY liked him as much as he liked you.

V: I liked you as much as you liked me.

M: I said MAN. Do you disagree?

V: Um… tbh, there was one other time but I haven’t written about him. Idk how to.

M: Do I know him?

V: Nah. We never even really dated.

M: I’m so interested now. Who was it?

V: Can I go back to interviewing you, damn it?

M: Yeah, yeah.

V: What’s the best sex you ever had?

M: You won’t be offended?

V: You were my first queer relationship. Of course I wasn’t your best.

M: You were up there. I saw a girl who was into currents.

V: Currents?

M: …Oh honey.

V: Fuck you.

M: Then I had a girl who went like full on sub and wanted me to take her money if she didn’t obey me. That was cool because I got sex and my rent paid.

V: Wow.

M: I also had a girl who knew I didn’t like that she was bi so she would flirt with other guys on purpose until I got mad and punished her.

V: My god! It was not on purpose!

M: Mmmmmhmmmmm.

V: You got jealous if a guy was in a 6 foot proximity to me.

M: You liked it.

V: Sometimes. It fucked with me a little. Like I felt I wasn’t queer enough.

M: Bisexuals are like Pluto. We weren’t really sure if Pluto was really a planet back then.

V: My sexuality is Pluto in this scenario?

M: Yeah! We were obsessed with defining Pluto in those days. Was it a planet? A dwarf planet? A moon? What’s the difference? Now we know we’re all in the same solar system so it doesn’t matter the label.

V: …

M: What?

V: Nothing. It’s just sometimes your weird tangents are strikingly poetic.

M: Don’t act surprised. Do you still read?

V: Yeah.

M: I read Abbey Hoffman the other day and thought of you.

V: I forgot I read his book in college.

M: And that weird dark poet. You used to carry his book around to look deep.

V: Bukowski? Is that who you’re talking about? You think I read him to look deep?

M: Yeah.

V: I think I read that book because I was depressed. Also, I’m supposed to be interviewing you about sex.

M: Everything is about sex.

V: Except sex.

M: What?

V: It’s a quote. “Everything in life is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

M: Hot damn. That’s true. Wait, what does that make you as a sub?

V: It means it’s the one part of life I like giving up power. I spend all day everyday making decisions. I like when I don’t have to think.

M: That makes sense. Did we ever do anything that made you uncomfortable?

V: I guess you’re just interviewing me now. Um… No. If you sensed that it’s because that came from me being uncomfortable with my queerness, but you never pushed me.

M: Would you have had queer sex if you hadn’t met me?

V: Dude, you didn’t turn me. I am who I am. It just might have taken longer.

M: What’s the best sex you think we ever had?

V: Probably when that frat boy kissed me and you made me eat you out on a table.

M: I liked that. Ok, here’s a question. Why the fuck do you write a sex blog?

V: It’s fun and it makes me happy.

M: I think you do it because you were ashamed of sex when you were younger and now you’re not so you can revisit your experiences with hindsight.

V: Jesus [real name]-

M: -Master-

V: Stop psychoanalyzing me. This is supposed to be a light interview about sex.

M: is it?

V: Oh my god.

M: Because I’m pretty sure this whole thing was you coming to terms with shit. Including what happened with us.

V: I have lost control of this interview.

M: Yeah, I’m in control but feel free to use our safe word.

V: Do you think you’ll ever get married? Or even just get serious?

M: It’s tricky. I thought I’d marry [redacted], but one day she wanted to buy a dog.

V: …M, please tell me you didn’t break up with her because she wanted to get a dog.

M: …

V: It’s a dog!

M: That requires constant care and responsibility. You can’t travel with a dog! You’re basically dead. One minute you’re buying a dog and the next you’re only using “light” bondage and doing taxes together. V, I’m glad you found it. I really am. It’s great you own property and probably have a shared Netflix account, but that’s not for everyone.

V: I know. I just want you to be happy.

M: I am! I have another question, are you always attracted to fem presenting women or is it just me?

V: That’s usually my type, yeah.

M: Awwww, I’m your type.

V: Stop. Why do you ask?

M: Idk, you wrote you can’t date blonde women and I was curious how deep your self-hatred went.

V: Dude, stop. That’s not what that is. What’s your type then?

M: I don’t have a type. I just fuck a lot.

V: How often do you have sex?

M: Idk, like 3 times a week?

V: What?

M: Yeah man, I got hoes.

V: Does that not stress you out?

M: No, you just call them all baby so you don’t mix up names. I’ve found most girls don’t ask questions.

V: Oh.

M: Ok baby, I see where your mind is going. That’s not why I called you baby. It wasn’t like that with you.

V: I mean, you always cheated.

M: True, but you weren’t out, baby. I know you think it was only hard on you, but it was hard on me too.

V: I think this is a full interview.

M: No, you just got your feelings hurt.

V: That’s not true.

M: You’re so sensitive. Hey did you really fuck a high schooler?

V: Yes… What? Why is that relevant?

M: Was he better at head than me? I read that story and it was hot.

V: No.

M: Was I the best head you ever had?

V: No.

M: *Laughs* Yes I was. Oh my god, you’re so cute when you’re mad. I cheated when I was 18, V. I thought we were past this.

V: Ok fine, I’m sorry.

M: I’ll come to your city soon. I want to meet [your husband] again.

V: I think you scare him, but yes, let’s all hang.

M: I scare all straight men. Wait, is he straight?

V: Tragically.

M: Oh hush, you’re way too jealous to share.

V: I’ve literally had threesomes with you.

M: And you got weird every time.

V: I did not!

M: Yes you did, and that’s ok. You experimented and you didn’t like it.

V: You’re wrong, dude. I do not mind threesomes. We just don’t seek them out.

M: So you don’t mind threesomes and you would and want to have one with your husband?

V: …

M: See what I did there?

V: Stop.

M: It’s too easy.

V: Alright. I should go.

M: I love you, baby.

V: I love you too.

M: Wait can I say something to your followers?

V: …um, yeah?

M: I taught her everything she knows so you’re welcome.

V: I’m hanging up now.

Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/tx1d1t/that_interview_yall_were_waiting_for_ff