I hate this story. I’ve put off writing it.
I’m not a cheater… Although some of my exes would disagree because my relationship lines blur. There were many times I dated multiple people at once and, although I was upfront I didn’t want a relationship, I did hurt feelings.
I REALLY cheated once though.
I really wish I had loved my ex. I tried so hard to love him. He was obsessed with me and I’m not sure anyone has ever loved me as much as he did. He chased me for a year and then I broke down and gave him a chance.
When I say he was obsessed with me I mean it. I was the only thing he loved.
So the thing is, I don’t half-ass anything, including being a girlfriend. If I am your girlfriend, I will girlfriend the fuck out of you. Your friends will love me, your mom will love me, and I will be supportive AF about all of your hobbies, interests, and career.
I am a GREAT girlfriend when I commit, which is why it takes me so long to do so. It’s also why people who I date generally think we are just the absolute happiest.
So he’s a good looking dude, but that passionate attraction just wasn’t there for me. It certainly was for him. We had sex every single day, but I very rarely got off. He certainly did. You know why? Because I’m a great girlfriend.
Looking back, this should have bothered me. It should have bothered him.
*Years later he hooked up with a friend of a friend and she was like “Did he ever bite your clit?” That’s when I realized he had never gone down on me.*
All of this is justification. I get it. I was in the wrong, but I’m trying to paint a bigger picture.
So at some point I’m just checked out. We’re long distance and I stop calling and texting him, claiming I was busy with school.
There’s also a guy in my class who I start hanging out with.
He. Is. So. Fucking. Hot.
So hot, in fact, I actually thought he was out of my league and assumed my crush was one-sided. We flirt a little but I don’t really consider it, and I could not imagine myself cheating.
Oh yeah, and he HATES my boyfriend.
The two of them do not get along. Mainly, my boyfriend did something kind of fucked up during sex once and I casually mentioned it actually as a joke, and hot classmate did not find it funny at all. In fact, he told me to dump him and was a dick to my boyfriend after that.
So the two of us are in this club together and we start spending a lot of time preparing for this tournament. We get really close… and we have sexual tension. It becomes more and more clear.
It’s also becoming clear I’m going to break up with my boyfriend. I’m driving to school one day and the thought of him possibly proposing pops into my head and I want to physically throw up. I can’t marry him but he is definitely going to want to marry me.
So hot classmate and I go on this trip to compete in this tournament. He asks if I want to hang out after we “win this thing.” I assume he means the entire team and agree.
We win the thing.
Not only do we win the thing, we fucking dominate. We blow away the other team so hard I get wet at the sight of their tears. Classmate and I embrace afterward. He throws me into his arms and I wrap my legs around him so he can swing me around.
*Yes the other team is literally crying. We were such dicks.*
We enthusiastically chat all the way back to our hotel and I’m so lost in the excitement and our conversation, I don’t even notice and we’re heading to his room. Alone. With alcohol.
I swear it starts out as innocent. We just sit on the floor and chat. The truth is, he’s a wonderful human and I love the way his brain works. I think he’d say the same about me. We just click so well.
We get into deep stuff too. We talk about childhood, dreams, art, and the future. I tell him I’m bisexual and how I’m terrified my family will disown me. I remember this because he looks at me and says, “Viola I’m pretty sure you’re the best part of everyone’s life your in. They’ll get over it.”
As this was all going on, we’re drinking and somehow, someway start inching closer and closer to each other. Finally, we’re both lying on the floor next to each other, and it becomes clear what’s about to happen.
Yes, I should have stopped it.
Y’all… I just couldn’t. It had been so long since I had felt anything like that. It had been so long since I had felt anything at all.
He waits for me to kiss him and then we explode. It’s one of the best, most passionate kisses of my life and within moments I’m pulling him towards me.
Then I snap and pull back.
“I need a minute,” I breath. “I’ve never cheated on anyone before.”
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“It’s not you. I’m the cheater.”
“Do you love him?”
“Of course. I mean he’s not the person I’ve loved the most in my life. He loves me though. He loves me so much. If I break up with him, it will destroy him. And like… I’m not super attracted to him, but that’s not all love is, right?”
Finally he looks at me and asks the question someone needed to ask me. “Viola, why the fuck are you with him? You can’t be with someone because you’re afraid to hurt their feelings.”
*Oh.*
“I’ve liked you for so long,” he continues. “We shouldn’t do this. Not like this.”
“You’re right. Not like this. I like you.”
That didn’t stop us.
Within moments we’re back to rollin on the floor, making out passionately. He gets on top of me and the two of us are fucking electric. Like, I cannot get enough of him and I need it so, so badly. I pull him into me and let his hips grind into me.
Fuck, he’s hard.
I’m crying I want it so bad. I pull him into me over and over and let his erection grind in between my legs.
*God bless yoga pants.*
“God, I’d fuck you so hard,” he whispered.
*Oh dear that’s hot.*
He grinds deeper and I feel myself building.
*Fuck.*
I know I need to stop. I get it, but I can’t. I just CANT. It feels like I’m going to die if I stop it feels so good.
He puts a hand to my breast, and doesn’t even have to go under my shirt to stimulate me. I start whimpering and he tells me he wants to make me come.
*Oh fuck, it’s been so long since someone wanted to make me come.*
I try to say I think we should stop, but he grinds his hips one more time and I explode.
I’m not exactly quiet during sex, but very rarely do I make THAT much noise. It’s like pornstar-level moaning. I have to grab his shoulders to brace myself because my entire body jolts forward.
“Oh my god,” he says, sitting back. “Did you just-“
“-I’m so sorry. I… I haven’t climaxed with another person in over a year.”
“What?”
I explain and he puts his head in his hands. “You realize you have to break up with him though, right? Not for me, but for you.”
“I can’t. It will kill him.”
“You literally just climaxed from me dry humping you for 5 seconds.”
He tells me I deserve more. He actually gives a speech about it which has actually stuck with me to this day. He gives these beautiful details about how he sees me and I finally start to believe him.
He was right. I broke up with my boyfriend that weekend and it DESTROYED ME. I cried for days and hated myself in a lot of ways.
It was really hard.
And then I fucking SLAYED. I fucked hot classmate and then like ten other people over the next six months. I made a guy go down on me in our library until I came three times. I blew my professor in a classroom while his department head was 20 feet away. I fucked an underwear model in her penthouse… and then i met a dude who got me into BDSM.
I’m not adding this to be a jerk. To this day, I feel horrible. I’m adding this because no matter how horrible I feel about the means, I thank myself everyday for getting to that end. I just hate that’s what it took to make me see that.
Source: reddit.com/r/gonewildstories/comments/tgke28/the_time_i_cheated_mf
Sometimes cheating is what makes you realize that it’s time to end things. Thanks for sharing.
You’re writing is not only enjoyable, it’s thought provoking. Could you maybe stop doing that? Lol
The end may not justify the means, but it sounds like dear ex boyfriend didn’t do enough to unjustify them either. I loved this one!!
I’m not sure I’ll be able to read the middle of this one; maybe I’ll come back to it. I read the start and the end, though, and that trap of being so deep in fulfilling the other person’s needs that you teach them to be selfish rings way too close to home.
How did you stop doing that? I know you didn’t stop trying to be the best (whatever) possible, because you enjoy it and get fulfillment from it. But what did you change to make sure it went both ways in the future?
One thing that used to bother me when I first started reading your stories, is how they made me feel things and become emotionally invested. Like why the fuck is this happening, I can’t even relate to 97% of what you write (the other 3% would be the awkward shit you do which is my jam so I’m good there). Then afterwards I was like fuck it, it gives me the feels so let’s go with this. I just put it as the magic of writing as a medium and have been a happy camper ever since, it’s why I keep coming back here for your stories.
Which is why I dreaded this story ever since you mentioned it in your previous post (it was an AMA I think). Already knew a wave of emotions is coming and here I am now reeling. Had to take a walk after reading it lmao.
But the thing is, your stories have such an wonder to them, that they feel foreign or out of this world. So we sometimes forget that you are just like us, a human. A human that makes a series of mistakes and terrible decisions along with the good stuff. Hope you know we see you as you are, a human, but with a bit more “oomphf” and a “KinkTok.”
Ok I’m kinda rambling at this point, guess he just loved you more than you could ever love him. That is neither your fault nor his, because “in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
Stay strong fellow human! “You live what you learned” as they say, cheers to you and your wonderful writing!
you writing stuff like this in part helped me realize that full authenticity and brutal (not cruel or unkind) honesty is what i want in a partner. you have always struck me as brave and consistent in that, because you never shirk away from the hard and/or painful/”not so proud of” shit. i met someone that honest after being exposed to your stories, i’m grateful to her for being who she is, and to you for helping me realize how important that was to me. i’m hopeful it will become something special
The cheating doesn’t move me as much as hanging around to spare his feelings. There’s a deception to that which isn’t fair to someone who thinks he’s building a relationship.
It kind of feels like the relationship was over when the cheating happened, even if the breakup hasn’t been formalized.
I’ll admit, this makes you sound like a pretty terrible person, but at least you’re honest about it.
Yeah cheating is a shit thing to do but stringing a guy along forever when being with him makes you physically ill is definitely worse
Yes, you technically cheated. But you cheated on someone who wasn’t just demonstrably wrong for you, but was also holding you hostage. Emotionally, at least. Making it clear to someone you love that should they decide to end it that they’ll be destroyed to the point where that person who again you claim to love is paralyzed with fear and guilt is abuse. By hooking up with this friend you finally set in motion ending what had become an emotionally abusive relationship. Sure, we all get that you wished you had just broken up with your abusive ex before hooking up with anyone else. But that’s not how it so often works. For you there needed to be a push AND a pull. From as much as anyone can tell from Reddit, you appear to be an excellent person. Forgive yourself.
Yeah, this story is hot! But this paragraph…
“And then I fucking SLAYED. I fucked hot classmate and then like ten other people over the next six months. I made a guy go down on me in our library until I came three times. I blew my professor in a classroom while his department head was 20 feet away. I fucked an underwear model in her penthouse… and then i met a dude who got me into BDSM.”
*Fuck.*